3.10.21


when he should have died but didnt made him laugh
                                                       he laughed maniacallystrap him up in a straitjacket please hed prefer it teastained Hmm  teatstainedthat wouldnt that be a sign of mental illness that would be  alacrity take the attendants off the scent he meant a lactation laxity screw the r  a lalecheleague rogue there the it is  the r  (use your imaginationyoull get there)


when he should have died but didnt made him giddy
                                                       Lizzy BB  How do I love mee? Let me count the ways.
he counted 9

cats have 9 lives

he loved pussy

had 8 5 in 3 outside the house

he counted 9  they were legit

inches one way or the otherDEAD

his old man reiteratedhe took him at his word
                                                It’s hard to hit a moving target, boy. he couldnt say he was moving in every instanceNah  Bouthalf the time 
he wouldnt nix his old mans premise
every time he hunted rabbit hed wait for the spooked rabbit to stop running rearup on its hindlegs to look around  then take him
          never failed   only once he didnt wait  should have died that afternoon in the Everglades  a firefight shotguns five guys stoned on something or other a handful of different prettycoloured pills rabbits scattering in all directions allaround an inbetween them  blasts  he felt muzzleheat  had to have birdshot pellets dug out of his shoulder an earlobe piercedwouldnt recommend it returning to Miami he stop in Claire’s at the Dadeland Mall and bought a starter earring   Don’t you want the other earring? the gal asked   Baby if my other ear was pierced Id be dead   she looked confusedpossibly frightened  he wasnt about to console hershow her the back of his shoulder bring her back to earth or perhaps spinning off into orbit

                                                            one of 9

9s his lucky number

        that gave him pause

hed have to be alert

maybe hes used up all his yuckyuck

                                                  thatd be a drag

1543,  Thursday,  30  9. 21
1216,  Reggae Friday,  1  10. 21
America  I Need Youme  Me you  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jAQq0PV2yow 


This page is intentional left blank.

Employees must wash their hands before returning to work. 
empty page
employees
            Duh
Obvious

buy a togo cup of coffee The contents are hot (, fool).
                                                                              DUH

Why was it up to others to protect people from themselves
                                                            letem enter the arena after theyve been educated          
if their education was ignored or didnt stick
                                             Wellshit  thats on them


he always came down on the side of accountability
                                                     punishment 
when he decided to do something wrong he weighed the riskthe punishment  get away with it  mighty pleased   didnt well  he was willing to suffer the consequences

suffer the consequences

its curious who the people are who suffer consequences and those who dont
                                                                                 get that shit worked out
then were talking

1309,  Saturday,  2  10. 21
The Shaolin Astronauts  Scarab  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wwwODYxDkkI 

 

      memorys  he liked how it looked 

                  of things long gone
quiet silhouettesshadows drifting on wet mist  lazy ash blown  siftingdiffuse like flour fine sand  intimate conversations
              yet his HOWL at him dog him wont let him blink or pause for fear he may forget may not remember
they wellup out of the distant past hurtleup out of deep chasmstunnels humming vibrating poignant remembrances that will not escape him
                   they haunt him some say  which he was okay withokay with the scattered bags the lopsided freight figures who tried to frighten him but could not
                                               they formedup statically pictures cells snapshots  his lifefor some reason composed to effect them


dutch elms on either side of the street that grew together above it forming cathedral ceilings

smell of leaves burning in street gutters which incentivised him as a boy to rake lawns clean  the smell of fresh cut grass  the smell of fresh snowfall

his boyhood home painted gray
                                 heavy screens to hang for the summer heavy storm windows to hang for the winter
the girl next door

the other girls

rabid nights in Miami

quiet nights in Montana

ranch work hunting fishing
                              he could pickout individual days from among them crystalclear  magnified clarity  but when relating what he remembered to people who he shared moments with they had no recollection
sometimes he doubt himself
his mother would set him straight
                                    I don’t know why, but you remember things since before you were two . . always have been some concern to your father and I . but you remember correctly; you should not doubt yourself.
Perhaps your long memory is a gift, my son; or a curse.
 
      gift        curse
             gift

when he dreamed he didnt distinguish between a dream or a nightmare
                                                                                apparently he was a hoarder

1018,  Reggae Friday,  1  10. 21
1122,  Saturday,  2  10. 21

2.10.21

 

thatll cool anyones coffee
                         thank gawd it wasnt over a lunch he usually didnt eat lunch

Anyare bringing this up now why

It’s been something that I’ve been thinking about for a bit and, well . . I wondered what you’d make of it.

Me  of all people

Yes you, of all people, not really something you can bring up with famil . .
. . Exactly who yashould bring it up with
                                           Im the guy you described as . . give me a moment . Ive still got it here on my clipboard . . YES here
                         Ya wrote  You are either a one-off or an anomaly in oscillation, in limbo, between fictions and reality.

I can’t believe you still have that on your clipboard, that was weeks ago.

Clipboard accompanies me whenever we have coffee Its profound ironclad written in your own hand  Yare rarely accurateoften jumble your wordsconfuse your thoughts 
                                                          Illuminating too Im aware I twist you but likely thats because you dont have my Midwest upbringing and tendencies or frankly family ties among a throng as enormous an extended as mine I grewup in a jungle you in a prim tea garden he rolled his eyes Donbe offended truth hurts not that it should your upbringing wasnt a matter of choice any more than mine
Were different animals

                                 So


So . . . Id like to hear what you think.

Exit strategy

Yes.

You still maintain yare in the fourth quarter

Yes, can’t talk me off that.

Despite my cheerful beginning of the second half hanginout in the tunnel watching the agile pretty cheerleaders kicking their legs in chorus
                     Some not wearing panties
Yes.

Yafuckin craz . .
. . I’ve had health challeng . .
. . That youve met and beaten  There maybe be some faded hints in chalk on the blackboard but that slates been erased  Time to write over it
                                 Time to quit feeling sorry for yourself

You think I’m feeling sorry for myself?
Yakiddin me
             Yare takin for granted advantages youve enjoyed since you were bornStop  Stop the pitying  Yave had boots to pull yourself up by your bootstraps

Exit strategy
I follow

When that time comesaround youll say your buhbyes an have a pretty lil pill to pop  an go to bed to sleep


You don’t think that a coward’s way out?

Worried about namecallingDont
                                            Ya wouldnt hear it anyway
               
1220,  Thursday,  30  9. 21
1004,  Saturday,  2  10. 21


he wished he had words to truly   truly  describe this kid itd been three weeks since he saw him

it wasnt so much what he looked like

eleventwelve

overweight  pudgy was more accurate

cropped red brushedcombed oiled hair keenlysurgically parted  

a tablet laid on the table before himleaving his hands free

at his left heel was a schoolbag not a backpack   Tartan red green black 
thankgawd no glasses

from where he sat he could see the boys feet didnt touch the groundhis legs dancing happily

he recognised that moment

the boy was satisfied content
                              nearly orgasmic although he had a lot of shit to change up before hed experience an orgasm with a girl

out of his schoolbag he saw the source of his delight

lengths of red strawberry licorice

he pulled them out one at a time
                                mete them out

he took a small bite and chewed it

not until he swallowed did he take another measured bite

as he chewed his legs danced
                              he remembered an older girl giving him a handjob in a darkened movie theatre  when noises began coming out of his mouth she gagged him with her free handshushing him as she did
his legs danced like the kids 
                             exactly like the kids
1630,  Reggae Friday,  10  9. 21
1250,  Saturday,  2  10. 21
Vibration Black Finger (featuring Maggie Nichols)  Alive in Five  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9R6Cqp4_HDM 

 
        like an old pair of shoes
he wasnt gonna throw them awaythey still had miles to go before they fell off his feet

even if they were uncomfortable


he must have had something in mind when he wrote thatscribbled it on a scrap of paper he used as a bookmarker as he stoppedstood on a high bridge over the river
he laughed to himself
                       someone passing on the road behind him might think he was writing a suicide note
some Buttinski
                 asif they had a right to interfere with anyones exit strategy
some kibittzer
some twocenter
                  Mind your own fuckin business

 
     exit   strategy
                      an old pair of shoesHmm  maybe he was thinking of himself when he wrote thatit seemed important at the time to get it down  he exhausted both sides of the scrap of paper
                                                                                      hed correct thatremember to slip a whole piece of paper in a book so he wouldnt leave himself highandry
                                                                          if it had been a suicide note hed have something to saynothing cryptic gallows humour  something  worthwhile
itd be addressed to his daughter to his partner in crime
if they wanted to share it that was their business
he always left them to their heads
thats what he understood love to mean
uncomplicated
unmitigated
absolute

love


he didnt think an old pair of shoes was an unlikely or unsavory comparisonhe made it a point to walk everywhere he went only occasionally yielding to take his car to save time

 

What are you doing, Dad? You ought to bring your coffee outside and sit with the rest of the family, we have only so much time here to enjoy them before we have to leave.

Yes  I will
           Everyone was cold when I woke this morningfound a note to myself in a book I was reading Made some coffee an sat down here not to wake anyone

Well, we’re all up now, sitting outside on the patio in our robes yapping. Come out and join us.

I can do that
             Right there
1220,  Thursday,  30  9. 21
1314,  Reggae Friday,  1  10. 21

 
   howbout this fucking lens
                                Joe Bidens priorities agenda his pair of infrastructure bills which he agreed with ought to pass Congress and be signed into law
he is president
                in 2018 he received 70,005,568 votes historically the most votes a candidate has ever received
on the other hand Joe Manchin of West Virginia received 209,510 votes winning 49.6% statewide  Kyrsten Sinema of Arizona received 1,191,100 votes winning 50%
                                                  according to these numbersthis offered matrix the presidents agenda ought to supersede what these miniature perhaps petty senators want

1212 or 0012,  Saturday,  2  10. 21


1.10.21


he watched his catshe was watching through the window at a screen where he covered a hole she made in it with transparent packing tape

the screen was cheapmade from plastic its cheapness irritated him  reminded him of planned obsolescence a market scheme
        when people talk about living forever he reminds them of planned obsolescence  We have Best By dates Expiration dates  No immortality for you
he didnt mix well
                   he was a big fat drop of black heavy oil in their water  the quiet pristine water they imagine they were immersed in


she had picked at the packing tape and worked some edges free but it clung stubbornly 

hed shut the window because she wouldnt let it be

he opened it only when he was in the room
                                             the screens guardian

he loved having all the windows open fresh air streaming through the screens throughout the house
                                                                                                          so much for love

The windows closed he told to her

she kept watching the edges flutter  like they were insects hummingbirds dried leaves a squirrel racing across the top of a wood fence
                  she  was  intrigued
 
The windows closed he said again  he saw muscular tremors in her hips  precipitating launch

Yare in for a surprise Shy who had been shy as a kittenhiding behind her brother and sister but as a twoyear old was anything but  

a tremor a shiver
                  a shift sashay OhChrist she gonna launch he thought Gonna learn the hard way

he rocked back on his heelshe was a big believer in learning the hard way
                                                                              when people argued about using the stick or a carrot hed query  What carrot
sashaying definite
                       ready  ready   ready this was as exciting as the Apollo Eagle launch


as she leapt he said outloud  An there she goes 



she clung to the glass by her claws asif it were the screen beyond
                                                                       she seemed amused

she leapt down
walked past him out of the room

Whadafuck
          he might suppose seeing was believing


he might keep that to himself

1300,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  25  8. 21
1127,  Thursday,  30  9. 21
Ted Nugent  Cat Scratch Fever  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I47floRRAFs 

 

he interrupted the kid HEY  YAMIND
                                        Yaint the only one here

the kid was eleventwelve a shrill voice who couldnt seem to keep his squeak to himself it was the second or third time he heard the kid go off like a disaster siren usually he ignored him but today he was having a coffee with an acquaintance and he wanted to hear every word she said

they met through a dating app somehow he attracted her attention by referring to her Dodger blue panties

What do you know?

They must be snug  Yare a baseball fan 

You’re not.

No way in hell yaknow that Football

So what can we possibly have in common?

Your Dodger blue panties

she conceded  met him for a coffee



Youll excuse me Ive heard him screech before he likes the attention  he manages to get more attention than the junior high dollies around him

she looked
             Hes just a little boy . .
. . Who cant keep his mouth shut or respect others seated around him You have kids

Yes. Girls.

Me too Wha a freakin blessing not in its religious sense

Not religious; you’re funny about religion.

I donwanna offend wha yamay believe

We haven’t talked about it.

If theres a second coffee we can talk about it Then we can talk ourselves blue about it sex an politickles an sex

she laugheddidnt cover her mouth  he liked that
                                                   Politickles, I like that, it’s clever, is that yours?
It is
     A lot of politics is unfortunately a joke I like kicking the door wide open so when its discussed its not shaved thin but thick slabs to get our teeth . . .
                                    the kid went off again OHTHAT’S TOO MUCH . .
. . KID SHADDUP he stood I asked nicely before Ya sound like a little girl an I don think yawanna be known as a little girl So please be quiet sit down or leave

the kid stood there with his mouth agape

he had nice white teeth wore blackrimmed glasses seemed mousey but meld well with the cluster of kids who all seemed anxious for attention           

I don think ya sound like that at home


the kid shut his mouth an sat down

he returned his attention to her
                                 One day hes gonna open his mouth to shriek an crackle bellow instead  a broken voice hell be embarrassed by his unfamiliar tenor Pubertys a gamechanger

she laughed againstill didnt cover her mouth
                                               You’re an interesting ma . .
. . Excuse meyare gonna have to do better than that Interesting is ambivalent  Im enjoying many of your qualities

Really? So what would you have me say?

Im fascinating Yare giving up baseball for football Im delusional
                                                                    Come Try on a delicious delusion with me

1529,  Reggae Friday,  10  9. 21
1557,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  29  9. 21
Uriah Heep  Look at Yourself  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tgk7xOH0g4U

$700K -- Trump deaths


horrendous  he tripped the light fantastic
                                           700,000 Americans dead  Trump virus
he said it would go away like magic  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r8yOv4PwttM

0051,  Reggae Friday,  1  10.21

https://www.msnbc.com/11th-hour/watch/how-deadly-will-the-covid-pandemic-be-this-winter-122455621974 

30.9.21


theres probably wisdom cautioning others not to look back
                                                                  if theyre not fit
Thomas Wolfe  You Can’t Go Home Again
                                             “You can’t go back home to your family, back home to your childhood. . . back home to a young man’s dreams of glory and of fame . . . back home to places in the country, back home to the old forms and systems of things which once seemed everlasting, but which are changing all the time – back home to the escapes of Time and Memory.”

hed challenge Wolfes premise that memory is an escape
an occasion yesterday
                        something he hadnt recalled in years flashed across his mind  it was placed there by music he had a soundtrack Dire Straits  In the Gallery  Mark  a buddy  introduced him to the album
                                                                                                 they were mighty highhad finished watching the North Stars on a muted black and white televisionlistened to the commentary on the radio  thats the way Marko liked it  he preferred Marko to Mark  likewise he knew another cat who took to a nickname rather than George  spell it Georg or say it Georges he said he might have bought in  but not George  he looked in a mirror and a George didnt look back at him   Ofcourse not Sparky   Fuck you.   Doncare for Sparky either   Fuck you.   he did not have an elaborate vocabulary


throwing cautions to the wind looking back he Googled Marko  found his obituary
                                                                                    he died November 25, 2019
which piqued him somberly
                             he lookedup another Minnesota carpenter buddy  Brian  he died October 30, 2019  at least his obit said he died unexpectedly
                                     unexpectedly  from how he knew Brianremembered him made a mighty wide fucking lane

unexpectedly then reminded him of Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.  he read him incessantly throughout the years buying his book as he was published
                    it was reported he diedresult of brain injury incurred several weeks prior from a fall at his brownstone home
      reading thatknowing of Vonneguts recurring bouts of depression he read the article . . . a fall out of his brownstone home  jumped head first  latent   like the phenomenal artist photographer Francesca Woodmanbut a babe  apparently usedupexhausted at 22

yesterday was a day of unexpected informed death

was he upset he looked backharkened by memory then memoriesconfluence of memories
                                                                                             NO.
not looking back
not remembering
would deny that they lived

we aint dead until no one remembers us

1937,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  29  9. 21
1522,  Thursday,  30  9. 21
Dire Straits  Where Do You Think You’re Going  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d59wsd9JsuA 

threats to American democracy

35 Republicans who voted to let the American government default on loans accrued during the 45th presidency and likely voted to incur them  Im disgusted and not ferreting out their votes

John Barrasso and Cynthia Lummis of Wyoming 
Marsha Blackburn and William Haggerty of Tennessee
Tom Cot Ton and John Boozman of Arkansas
Michael Braun of Indiana 
Kevin Cramer of North Dakota
Michael full of Crapo and James Risch of Idaho
Ted Cruz of Texas
Steven Daines of Montana
Chuck Grassley and Joni Ernst of Iowa 
Joshua your subpoena is coming Hawley of Missouri
John Hoeven of North Dakota
Roger Wicker and Cindy Hyde-Smith of Mississippi
Ron Johnson of Wisconsin
James Lankford who escaped with his life during the January 6 insurrection and James Inhofe who cant pilot a plane of Okie-lahoma
Mike Lee of Utah
Roger Marshall and Grald Moran of Kansas
Rand Paul of Kentucky
Rob Portman of Ohio
Rick Batboy Scott and li’l Marco Rubio of Florida
black Timothy Scott of South Carolina
Daniel Sullivan of Alaska
John Thune of South Dakota
Pat Toomey of Pennsylvania
coach and nothing more than a coach Tom Tuberville of Alabama 
Benjamin Sasse and Debra Fischer of Nebraska  

theyre senators INO though Ill not acknowledge their elected status shame on the people who elected them I hope their constituents are tickled-pink in a different historical time they might have been called Commies
                                                                                                    however Joe McCarthy and the formers Cohn are long dead and gone 

2235,  Thursday,  30  9. 21

https://www.newsweek.com/these-35-senators-voted-against-stopgap-funding-avoid-government-shutdown-1634447

 

here it comes hes affecting a sartorial speaking manner
                                                           hed been a teacher not a professor
an he didnt signup for his class                                                                                     
You know . .
. . I don know
               whenever he began with You know the professor tried to tilt the playing field to his advantage  the suggestion that if he didnt know he was out of step or misinformed  You know was his clarion call bugle reveille  his supposed Common knowledge
                                 it wouldnt be
itd be something he read but didnt remember where he read it 

which in turn for his lack of citation or authority hed knock him
                                                                   You know  affects your scholarship you not knowing  unable to provide verifiable evidence proof   

he may have been common Joe but he had a good education was no ones fool and because of his wide interests his reading his unquenchable curiosity he had a trove a deep well of useless information  simmering trivia

Professor  Youll have to do better than You know

Then . . throw cautions to the wind, trust me.

trust me sounded like a revolver hammer clicked back
                                                         An whadaya know about my relationship with trust


Comon  you know

You don’t trust anyone.

I do not


Then, then how about, how about we discuss it for the sake of argument.

Fine A discourse for the sake of argumentbut dont ya dare start with You know Ill tell you if I know or not Don expect immediate validationimmediate gratification yare talking to me not one of your old high school pals entertaining their glory days


May I continue?

Sally forth

You . .  aw nevermind. The first thing, the first thing a human being sees in another is their fac . .
. . Nope  Fallacy

What? Come on, that’s, I think, indisputable.

Puta Then use believe rather than think This is according to a citation you cant rememberright
                                                                                                     Are you implying it verges on dogma

Well . . yes. It’s the very first thing you see . .
. . You see  An me see 
                        You can speak for yourself an your dogmaticks  I don  not the first thing I see
Yes you do.

Im me you aint an Im tellinya I don

How can you not? You’re lying to yourself . .
. . Careful professor tread carefully now

                                                   Ya callin me a liar

No.
    Not a liar.

You said Im lyingIm lying to myself
                                           What is he who lies                          

if anyones has ever baited a fishhook with a nightcrawler pierced it several times saw it writhe he was twistingdoing a significant impersonation

Nevermind
            Yare mouth tends to go off ahead of your brain Ought to work on that Ill explain my denial to your You know premise

he cleared his throat
                     You can't deny it.

I can  easily  Strip away more than half the population men  they aint got a damn thing I want  Secondly  solely  women   breasts 
                    I assess the breasts first anif tickled then I look at their face  No tits no notice  Be it a superficial stroll through the park
                         Yaknow


You’re just being contrary.

No
    Whats the first thing you notice about a woman at a distance
Yacant see her face

I meant when you can see her face.

Ya didnt stipulate that
                        His face too  Speaking for you now  Yaknow

his wormsquirm must have affected his humour
                                                    his puss soured  I don’t like arguing with you.

Not much of an argument when you come illprepared

 

Anya began with You know

Just being contrary.

Back to classroom professor
                               That you were an educator buys nothing with me

1532,  Reggae Friday,  10  9. 21
1343,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  29  9. 21
Bruce Springsteen  Glory Days  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GLBnj159q3s