he had just picked up clean leafs
that his girlfriend gave to him that her company was going to throw awayhe
forgot their reason why however their loss was his gain paper to write on an he was always scribbling something he picked up a few pages an with pen in
hand attacked themstarted letters to his ailing brothercancer an afterwards
replying to his mothers rambling letters pressed in one envelope five dates
over three months beginning in October
an
as he wrote Bacative began https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWMCbEzRF1E
off Trickys Knowle West Boy
There’s no exit/I can’t stand still/Keep on
running/There’s no exit/I can’t stand still/Keep on running
it stayed his hand
he got hung up in its words mantra an music
he couldnt write
he set his pen down an leaned
back into his chair
an listened
Theres no exit
exits concerned him
his wife exited nearly sixteen years ago
he couldnt stand on the ground
under his feet for a long time
it movedshifted involuntarily it lurched
quivered dropped him time an again to his kneeson his hands
he wasnt stable
he was like a babe learning to
walk
he thought of his sister cancer
he wouldnt write her because they
spoke for hours on the telephone once a week
he thought of his brothers cancer
his mothers infirmityhis parents
infirmities
his brother-in-laws heart just had to slip that in theredidnt
he concerned him
he nicknamed him Fourth Quarter
he called him Overtime now
Bacative:
Keep on running
he wagged his head side to sideleaned
forwardpicked up his pen again
he wrote to himself
there is an exit
keep running
go through the exit
keep running
an entrance now
keep running where
keep running
it doesnt matter
keep running
since his wifes deathsince he found
his feet he was hard to rock
he put his letter aside
he picked up his brothers letter
again and continued
he apologised for the pause not that his brother would know if
he didnt tell him but he wanted his brother to
know his letter wasnt spontaneous it wasnt
a singular flourish
it wasnt dashed off
it was deliberate
it was thoughtfull
his brother wouldnt write back
his
mother would
his
brother wouldnt
he accepted that long ago
it wasnt going to stop him
keep running
1122, Saturday,
30 12. 17
