affirmations
affirmations
bitched by affirmations
bitched by affirmations
hed almost been affirmed to death by relentless podcast charlatans
Really, Dadu, you aren’t getting the message?
Sorry baby I donwant their message Your cup of tea Not mine
he didnt hurt her feelings
rather he saw disappointment crowd her huge eyes
which is to say he disappointed her hugely he was not esoteric he didnt buy into feng shu harmony he preferred disorder chaos
all this shit is a matter of taste she had her mothers tastes
I think they offer valid, critical help.
And if I maybe so blunt for a price
Maybe if they took a vow of poverty I might considerwhat you insist is their spiritual prowess
Maybe, if I maybe so blunt he pissed her off if you’d just listen you might learn something.
Aw baby I prefer to find things that tickle me then teach myself You were always an excellent student I know you recall my report cards I was notI struggled
They teach you how to help yourself.
For a price
The only price I incur is my time anmy time is too precious to try an iron out an innocuous prejudice I have
Like vegetarians?
Thatll learn yahuh
she had vigorously insisted that he shouldnt disallow a date with a woman because they were vegetarian being a vegetarian shouldnt be a dealbreaker as he insisted it would be
an now he was dating one she didnt like because hallie was younger than her
Like Life coaches he asked
he knew he was retaliating these podcast mavens who lead people around by their pocketbooks and noses
if they didnt have a pocketbook they couldnt to saddle up
theres a real service to the humanity that they say they seek for others
he knew he was retaliating these podcast mavens who lead people around by their pocketbooks and noses
if they didnt have a pocketbook they couldnt to saddle up
theres a real service to the humanity that they say they seek for others
Life coaches pissed him off
paid friends
he wished he had a carnival-sizeclowny-sized gavel to bring down on the heads of people to force cease-an-desist an stop them from takin bowel-full-sized quaffs of smoke up their ass between their widespread cheeks that they willingly spread
an anus is a terrible thing to waste
a taut strawberryblonde scrambled onto his lap
they had parried a couple times at the bar Do I know you Sounds like a line. I don’t know, do you know me? Ya look familiar You look familiar. But I dont know you Gretchen. she extended her handplaced her drink in her left Joe he shook her hand a nice firm grip somebodyhe hoped her old man taught her right Good to meet you Gretchen You too, Joe. he sidestepped her to order his pint and a shot of Writers Tears Black Sheeps bartenders poured generously this was his bar
halfhour or so later Gretchen came over to the booth where he sat at its edge with friends
she sat uninvited on his lap
THAT was alright
her ass was firm I fit nice. she said
If yare fishing Id say ya fit nice because ya got a nice ass
Thank you? her eyes narrowed
Youre welcome You can take a compliment
Thank you.
Youre welcome
he introduced her around the table
their eyes rolled
they werent inobvious
coy is wasted on the cool it ought to be dispersed like a One-A-Day vitamin
Gretchens lightweight bright unassuming voluptuousness grew heavy and heavier as their conversation wandered wide and near
he was finding he didnt like her to be fair he hit her in the mouth with sex politics and religion at the get go
he finally asked the question he loathed to ask and rarely did though it was copiously asked of him
Soah Gretchen whadaya do to make a living
cheerily she answered I’m a successful Life coach. I have lots and lots of clients.
Youah fishing
Excuse me?
No You know fishing You know the context Im using it in
the cheeriness evaporated
her incandescence began failing
her attractiveness began drying up like a bitten apple left in the sun
she scowled
scowls dont look good on anyone
she began to look like someone who was punished with a mouthful of Thistlewoods Derbys dose
not amendable to Writers Tears
he didnt submit
her look was something to behold
didnt look like it tasted good
I help a lot of people.
Youre a friend for a price
My friendships doncost them a penny
Were friends
he had to get her off his lap before she crushed his legs
he slipped his arm under her legsthe
crook of her knees his other around her back his hand just beneath her right breasthe
could feel its weight at his fingertips
and stoodup
and stoodup
gently he released her legs so she could find the floor
she rolled rightrolled her breast into his hand
hed like to say he didnt notice but he noticed
There you go Back onto your own two good legs Gretchen Aesthetically youre something nearly without peer But something It was fascinating meeting you
he couldnt say what he saw on her face
two parts contempt one part bafflement a squeeze of disgust shaken not stirred maybe a dollop of anger or rage
he couldnt say he wasnt a bartender
he had to get its name
he didnt want to mistakenly order one
oops over crushed ice struggling with rejection
she wasnt a baby to throw out with the bathwater
he thought that usually her bathwater was drank
0452, Sunday, 16 2.
20
1441, Monday,
17 8. 20
