he asked

she blinked once

Yes

twice meant No

simple

distilled communication

functional

all parcels parsed

minimal

on the eyegaze machine

                           y   n

shortesthand

no exposition

heartbreaking she finally conceded

                                      y  to a larger morphine dose

4 days after her physician prescribed it

4 breathing

4 pain

she dragged her feet

y b in pain he asked

n  p

he smiled sadly yet bemused they were athletes they defined p as discomfort they refused to allow p a purchase

                                                                                                                        not p

he showed her the dose in the modified syringe

she blinked once

he took a breath

they knew where this was going

he infiltrated the morphine through her g-tube

she closed her huge beautiful brown eyes 

she had her mothers eyes

she wept

           tears filled the inside corner of her left eye

her eyes were sunken

                        tears when she allowed them heartbreaking collected

he went to dab her eye

he saw himself reflected in the quiet pooled tears

                                                     looking beyond his reflection he saw her on her seventh birthday playing on a Slip N Slide in the grass with friends she handpicked from among all her friends

                                                                                                  who were invited by telephone calls to their parents  they sidestepped the injury of not receiving a paper invite at school

it was a beautiful gay sunlit day filled with crystalspray splashing and thrilled laughter

he used the same Kleenex to quiet his tears and hold to his mouth as he left the room so she wouldnt hear him moan wouldnt hear him cry 

                           p

Day-between-Two-Ts evening,  12  2. 20

1052,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  12  8. 20

he tried to sleep

he was exhausted

he didnt want to imagine again what he had been imagining recently to fall asleepthat let him sleep

she forgave him when he told her though he wasnt sure he would be able to forgive himself later

she used her eyegaze machine and wrote If it works, Dadu, whynot? she wrote whynot as he wrote whynot in letters to her her eyes smiled over the top of the ventilator mask strapped to her head

to fall asleep he rolled himself inside a carapace an angled shiny skin

                                                                         blastfurnace heat inside icycold without

a dichotomy separated by an Kafkaesque insect scale

he didnt know if inside or outside was his comfort or why it worked

                                                                           it just did

2038,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  12  2. 20

1544,  Twosday,  11  8. 20

                                    when she woke suddenly stunnedwoke to her living nightmare  she was terminallyill

he hopedcrossed his fingers that she woke from a beautiful dream

                                                                      but no one wakes in terror from a beautiful dream
no one wakes gasping unable to breathe eyes bulgingswinging around the room for help because she cant help herself hadnt been able to help herself for better than two months

                                                           wholly dependent on her husband sister and father

frightened

          what could be more frightening than being terminallyill at forty years old with two young daughters and all the things they had planned to do things  she had planned to do

2033,  Wednesday,  12  2. 20

1517,  Tuesday,  11  8. 20