8.10.20

 

after years and years of bending his mindwhipping it with grass peyote psilocybin windowpane  Don’t forget booze.  Thank you  I would have  You’re welcome. he tried to be polite to himself  he found that he best-preferred his hypnagogic and hypnopompic states

they were hallucinogens too

falling into sleep

waking from sleep 
                     he had become as adept at playing with them as he was at manipulating his dreams  lucid dreaming  Man, that’s the only time we’re lucid.  Careful I have my moments  You keep thinking that. Your legions would agree with me. 

Lucidity is a hard drug 
                         all his legions had to do was recognise that he didnt scratch his mind with chemicals not heroin meth or pills he gave himself a pass on the two handfuls of windowpane 


Well he thought  Ill have to concede better late than never  You can say that again.  Keep it up buddy and Ill stuff the keyhole with putty  We’ll dig it out.  Ahh but the moments youll miss in the meantime  Yes, there is that.  I, we, apologise for being snide.  Apologies accepted Thank you  You’re welcome. himselves tried to be polite to him

 

0557,  Thursday,  8  10. 20
1305,  Thursday,  8  10. 20

 

she knitted her fingers in front of her face and wept softly 

he saw her tears roll down her cheeks individually 
                                                          she kept knitting  didnt wipe them away


he cared deeply for her 
                         however he didnt know what he could saythat he could to anything that might answer her Whys or pleas help her alleviate what wormed in her heart and guts  which he couldnt have imaginedforeseen unless he was an emotionally-attuned antennae-spiked freak

freak wasnt too strong a word  comparatively

the life hed known was blunt force and trauma

it fixed him to be who he was

he figured everyone is either forged delicately stitched or grown with the apparent ease of a wild plant 

later he teased in letters  in private conversations  he considered emotions he blunted or were blunted sheared or cauterised  the trauma of drama 
                                     the word he teased was drauma      

he knewnot that he could be but knew people who were unfortunately wove knitted  suffered cloaks made from fabrics of dramatised trauma

comparatively  he believed or understood draumatic people were wells an he was nothing more than a rut scratched in hardscrabble earth

  
2246,  Twosday,  6  10. 20
1147,  Thursday,  8  10. 20