he poured the last of the black coffee into his mug  refilled his shotglass with another three fingers of whisky  

                                                                                                                  an he still had the whole day ahead of him a day of examining the feral thoughts that blindly innocently crept into the light of day outside his skull  delicate creeping slugs and snails suddenly exposed to daylighttheir covers blown who likes to have their cover blown  he   hed prefer a blow job

but back to the lacquer of black coffee alacrity of 90 proof spirit

if he had to assess his own spirit 

                                  well mebbe that number would be prejudiced  suffice it to say he was hi-octane

he was flammable

he was intense

he   adored   confrontation

                               his parentswhile he was a teen in one of several Emergency Rooms warned him to quit stepping into the fray  You had to know you were gonna get hurt

Yeah  So  

           he worked odd jobs and gave them the money  it was the least he could do while they cared for him

he wanted them to know he understood their concern that he appreciated their -- for lack of a better word -- investment

Investment? his father asked bugeyed  Just exactly what am I investing in?

Paw Youre holding the fort down until I can get out of it An I promise Ill be out as soon as I can I swear

took him until he was twentyhe wasnt too happy about that

then he was Home Free 

                         completely his own person

and it was ugly his parents said

he didnt see it that way

he just went along as hed always gone along  

why they didnt see that was beyond him

he played bigger than he was

fight or flight

not an option

fight

every hill a hill to die on

or get the snot knocked out of him

snot knocked 

              and sometimes not

prize fighter didnt win all their fights

the idea was to win more than you lost

he couldnt stand the pricks who saw a lost in the offing and had buddies step in 

he remembered them

he made a point of catching them alone 

he may have hit them a couple more times than were necessary 

                                                                   Awfuck Paybacks a bitch man

so he made a reputation for himself

it was nice when it finally preceded him

street cred

the street was a good place to make your name

the street was never kind

it ate its own

So what is it you do? his father asked

Im just who I am Paw  Just who I am

people tatted themselves now  they "belonged"

he wore scars

1440,  Saturday,  1  6. 19

braggadocio Pinocchio  bragging   never sat well with himno matter its incitement it turned him off

Cassius ClayMuhammad Ali turned him off when he spouted  he followed Alis pronouncementsunderstood his advertisements  although he would rather have had him walk the walk that only Ali could and just keep his mouth shut

but America loves big mouths                  

he preferred quiet modesty   humility

why the bragging

                   an old man who should have known better  known better   that was his bad habithis habit of equating age with experience and it bumping up againstlapping at the quiet edge of wisdom 

he helped the old man with his cane helped him into his seat on the plane stowed his bag in the overhead 

he hadnt paid attention beyond the immediacy of the old man needs

then he saw

the old man wore a ball cap

he gulpedthought for a moment it might be a MAGA cap hed have to wash his hands  No

No
   it wasnt MAGA sounded like disease

No  the red cap read Korean Vet

Look-at-me it implied


You ought to thank me

So why are you so damn critical?

Im not critical All my uncles who were of age fought in World War Two

Not one of them was loud about being a veteran

Maybe with one anotherthey knew each other they were brothers-in-law before Pearl 

Maybe they talked around the picnic table over cold beers shots of Old Crow their cigarettes pipes cigars those ashes competing with fireflies in the summer night air

Maybe by their quiet demeanor if a hint dropped  the lid of a Pandoras box nudged not opened nudged  threatened   the acrid smell only they could smell feel the heat of distant fires pitchblack oily smoke all manner of living things buildings fields consumed and scribbled and deep in ash  whiteblue yelloworange spurts of pitch or fat

Their demeanor  their eyes hoodedtheir eyes suddenly listless  colour leaching becoming cold and gray

You didnt dare ask

Never asked

So I worry at open declarations  I worry theyre not honest

Why would you possibly imagine fraud?

Thats kind  Fraud 

Theyre lying 

Hell  my own father isnt honest

Their cap or jacket proclaims them vets But it isnt military issuethey arent quiet cold stamped coins of campaigns their commanding officers conferred to them

No.

No

And your father?

My father refers to himself as a Korean vet

He served stateside

He never saw action

But he’s still a veteran.

Then for that matter so is every civilian 

I think a veteran has been bloodied or blooded

I dont think if they havent  they can coopt being a veteran

Sitting on the bench isnt playing in the game

You’re pretty severe.

I dont think so 

Ask a real old veteran if you can find one

afternoon,  Thursday,  16  5. 19

1031,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  29  5. 19

yacant make this shit up

ya could try not that youd want 

                                but fact remains only Republicans can pull it offpull it off  enabled by their florid hubris  elan  their old white manness  self   and selfishness                           

they can pull it off

without even breaking a sweat

it seems a second nature

it is an unfortunate name  Nader

even before he heard the accusationsthe found guilty the court sentences  he saw in his eyes the name gone word  nadir  lowest point   opposite zenith   

nader nadir nazir opposite to the worse point in anyones life 

                                                              an yet utterly embraced by the then-candidate his cohorts his pliable son-in-law the now-abject-performing president

evidently George Nader has a hankering for child porn

evidently its like eating Chinese and hungry again in an hour

maybe akin to a comfort food

because it seems he cant stop himself 

                                       but evidently thats what Republicans attract and need a man who cant resist his temptations  even if they are illegal

he remembers that notion of not crossing the street to piss on someone who was on fire

if he wouldnt piss on him

why would he be anywhere around such a person

what is that

ask a Republican

2214,  Monday,  3  6. 19

1018,  Twosday,  4  6. 19

https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow/watch/child-porn-charges-for-trump-tied-mueller-witness-raise-questions-61210181572 

https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow/watch/soured-deal-considered-as-mueller-witness-charged-with-child-porn-61215301918