scores of white and silver cars lined
up in traffic
the light changes and they proceed making lefts an rights rolling straight ahead
I couldnt see inside them for the white sunlight flashing off their windshields and side windows
I wouldnt have been surprised I wouldnt have been distraught if their drivers their passengers were ghosts pale apparitions a volley of souls accompanying my dead cousin to wherever if anywhere that follows life after passing through the portal of death
truth be known
I had a couple of healthy whiskys and it occurred to me to have the next with a smoke to contemplate his death my mortality in the threads of its unwinding blue smoke
I walked through the neighborhood down to the main thoroughfare that cuts this tramp town in half
its where anyone who starts a business and hopes it to prosper plants it on this singular broad artery running north and south
as I walk when I looked up out of the book Im reading the sun glints off passing carglass into my eyes
it lights the inside of my head illuminating and parsing youthful moments he and I shared either his parents farm in Indiana or our grandmothers wooden two-flat in Chicago which Id been trying to distract myself from seeing
across the street a young woman in a yellow top bends at the curb gently extracting a seedling from a storm drain that fed into the street gutter
her breasts sway hypnotically under her blouse as she works her trowel
a tall white plastic pail at her hip is filled three-quarters full by the shadow of the earth inside it
more cars pass white cars silver
I closed the book and hold it tight in my fist
ahead of me ran a straight shot
of concrete stickled at the curb occasionally with street signs mounted on bright
green u-channel posts
the intersection Im walking up on is easily three hundred three twentyfive meters off
I could walk it to blindfolded
I closed my eyes
its oilyblack inside my head
I can hear the whine of traffichear music emanating from radios voices singing along with songs a HOOT! someone probably recognising Im walking with my eyes shut and trying to frighten me
Im not easily frightened the cool void pleases me
Ive battled Death already
fought its dazzlingwhite presence as It bleached and attached itself in my eyes
shaped Itself
distinctly looking like the African continent inverted sidled by the sliver of Madagascar formed out of the ether and began throbbing haunting me the day my cousin died
distinctly looking like the African continent inverted sidled by the sliver of Madagascar formed out of the ether and began throbbing haunting me the day my cousin died
and for days afterward
it was Death unmistakably
my health suffered it declined
but it wasnt until I admitted Its presence that I was able to rally to fight It
It stubbornly subsided
It thought I might be easy picking because I wasnt well
I watched It vanish
I watched It slip from my eyes as I watched my reflection in the round beveled mirror hanging over the bathroom vanity
the lavenderscented candle burning lashed It with its quivering flame over and over again while It jerked and twisted under its blows growing smaller and smaller fainter and fainter
I enjoyed It
then It was gone
I poured another whisky lit a cigar and smiled at his face in the smoke withers where I summonsed him
1315, Saturday,
8 10. 16
1250, Sunday, 9 10. 16
1250, Sunday, 9 10. 16
Yardbirds Heart Full of Soul https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7njQ4QJpb64
