riding side by side on the bus into town he turned his headlooked at him

                                                                              You said . . Moanday?

I did

Why?

Im not sleeping well

                      Another aspect is my fear  I wont have a chance to say goodbyesay goodbye  to my Dadmy father-in-law  one of the most unique relationships Ive ever had with a man

                                                                          Our mutual respect founded our discordant love 

Hes in Hospice care in Arizona

I’m sorry. I didn’t know.

tears welledup in his eyes

                             This is one of a few times I am almost grateful my wife isnt here  Losing Maw my mother-in-law was very very difficult for her Losing her father would have been a dagger to her heart

Inevitable

            Inevitability batters down any door

I am terribly sorry.

he did get to see him

was able to make the trip

had to leave 

               was a week before his Dad died  Halloween of course he did his favourite holiday

their last words 

                  I love you very much Dad

I love you too, Tiger.

leaving his room he pausedturned in the doorway

                                                        Ill be seeing ya

    I’ll be watching.

Noonish,  Moanday – Starbucks,  8  10. 07

1133,  2sday,  27  8. 24

his daughter flew in spent a few days went through the boxes she had in storage he was maintaining

                                                                                                            About time, huh, Papa?

When it was its time

It’s time?

Yah

Kind of a weird way to look at it.

No not necessarily

                    Im sure youve heard everything in its own time

I have. I don’t agree.

Youre welcome to disagree

Dad, I came across this, it’s yours.

three sheets of paper

he wrote on the back of printouts of cellular phone feature matrixes

                                                                        waste not want not

upper left corner angled

                25  9. 07

            Tuesday even-ing

need even-ings to balance out workdazes

                                             immediately right P/REACH

right an beneath it  centered  

You cannot p/reach me

You cannot preach me

You cannot reach me

                         belligerent

under the angled corner workdazes

                                       he continued

and during our daze our rote our ME-chanisms thrown to make our mealy bread meating our sustenance our sub-sistenths

           to coin a phraise  anon anon anon

And so it goes

                and Oh Well . . .  the Gospel of Sot Kurt  Wit-ness of Dresden  City-cum-Oven

inhale  “What’s that smell?”

inhaled  “What is that smell?

inhelle  “Aw, they went and burned it.”

inhelled  “Yeah. Badly. Way overdone.”

 

---------  0  ---------

The point!

There is no point.

and the frustrage of it

wants violence

First Chair and Second Chair Violence

the epitome of hardstrung heartstrings struck and dragged with resined catgut screaming . . .

    page three

                angled in the uppercorner as the first page

MY GAWD

ZOUNDS

          immediately right  a harrowing caterwaul  catwail

beneath

         The planet believing its wheel needs greasing brakes . . .  tries to stop . . .  physics  hurling momentum scatters gravity

          gravely bravely floats away

and that which NOT has been is flung

                                          unfurled

                                                      unraveled      TO UNK

seeing he finished reading his daughter asked  Keeping it?

Ill hang onto it for a while

                            Hard to believe I wrote it straight

Are you sure? she teased

Trust me I didnt know anyone who had access

Ah. That was later.

   Much later smart ass

1242,  2sday,  27  8. 24

“The deeper an artist sinks into the time stream the more it becomes oblivion; because of this he must remain close to the temporal surfaces. Many would like to forget time altogether, because it conceals the ‘death principle’.”

                                                                                                   Lucy R. Lippard  Overlay

sounded hairy to him

                        the force the energy of endings

it was suggested he would be wise to entertain itJOKE he pumpedpumped locked his brakes was on a skid of deaths and that huge momentum was proving inviolate stingy  refused to be overcome

he hazarded Truth is the vision closed eyes can see

    And what of eyes sprungwide in shock or suddenawake, what of them? annoyed Is suddensight subjected to confusion, diaspora, lying?

Or is truth when finally gazed at, obscured by distraction? so very much deliberately crowding in to be seen

   Disattraction

Distraction.

Dystopic

            Dystraction dysattraction

Do you have to do that?

For as much as you wont

    eventuallyhe assumed  it would slow slow and stop

until then he was holding on trying hard to appreciate what he suffered what was keeping him so very present   

Sunday – Beverly Hills,  3  6. 07

1031,  2sday,  27  8. 24

https://carlgreer.com/working-with-the-archetypal-energy-of-endings-the-death-principle/

schizophrenia

schizoids

           denounced bestialised in pamphlets journals letters

whos the schizoid we desperately attempt to avoid for fear of what she or he might reveal in ourselves

                                                                                                          that sudden realeyesation  familiarity

that discomfort

consternation

the questions

                    despondency regarding our sensual disposition  our sensuality dispossessed

we he has a mouse in his pocket are treblyterribly notoriously thinskinned   insecure

we harbor dubious confidence in who we are

                                                for

as many waonder who we areKNOW THYSELF or insensitively buttfucked if we do not

  we have “A fragile purchase on the world . . .” 

IS . . .

is who

we

are

is

who

we

are

 

IS

WHO

WE

ARE

730ishnessPM, Monday,  7  7. 08

& Friday,  26  9. 08

0856,  2sday,  27  8. 24

Elton John  Madman Across The Waters  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nq4J_n6vMYo