Anal

              standalone  very unnerving for some   Question   An innuendo didnt say  in ur end go

    An indirect remark   hint

An insinuation suggesting something critical crude rude sexual derogatory  without stating it directly

But anals got angles

 

    grimaces  looks like he wants to spit  walk away   You talkin’ to yourself?seem to be.

I like to exercise stretch my mutterings  their legs

                                                       I like takin turns  playing  with options

Devising options

                           You went cold  Anal upsets you

No.

      That’s not true.

 

It does he winked  Anal thermometers  Rite of passage

                                                             I know it bothers you

Homophobic displays  Men kissing    Troubles you

It doesn’t.

    They do ya cringe

                                You try so hard to be cool

Just  be  honest

 

They needn’t do it in public.

Men an women embrace kiss  walk hand in hand

                                                      They shoudnt

That’s normal.

Homosexuality

                   

                           Is  Normal

    You ever think about the tens of tenthousands hunreds of hunredthousandsmillions Who over time coudnt be who they were

Can you imagine not beingacting  who you are

Im straight.

Binary   Heterosexual

                            Those who arent                    Wha

Wha troubles you about wha consenting adults do behind closed doors  In the privacy of their own homes

 

I’m not.  

    You    Are

 

We got off beaten path

    Anal also relates to peoplesuch as myself who thought I thought  was just very thorough

                                                                                                             Nah   Anal

Called an shared with my daughters

They got a big kick out of my confession

                                              I referred to it as an epiphany

Epiphany?

           They howled  When they quite done sputtering

    Of course you are, Dad.

 

Jah

        Me    Routinelyanal

1340,  Sunday,  20  9. 26

2132,  Saturday,  10  10. 26

    sobering

                 . . . heroin . . .: It makes you feel good about yourself, especially in the beginning. It makes you feel good about other people.  . . . a guy named Bill and I hadn’t thought much about him or what the drug would be like but the careful way he tied off my arm and found my vein, the way the needle went in, so thin and delicate, the whole experience of this random guy I never saw again shooting me up in an abandoned house was exactly what a young girl dreams love can be.

sobering

              I don’t plan on having a long life. Or a short life, necessarily. I have no plan at all. The thing is you keep existing whether you have a plan to do or not, until you don’t exist, and then your plans are meaningless.

yup  genuinelysober

he wasnt a gay tard

                       read words like those Rachel Kushner showering him  why he reads her

wouldnt say she was noir

not Dashiell Hammett

Raymond Chandler

Patricia Highsmith

Chester Himes

Walter Mosley

James Ellroy

Ken Bruen

               but

she was something else

heroin

meaningless life

she grabs him by the throatcompels him

                                           and thats enough a reason to thank his mother he did incessantly  particularly when she tried to take books from him a Jewish bookdealer kept him on literature the Jew said Literature banned  a reason to thank his mother for teaching himinspiring him to read  on his own

                                                                                               because

she told him his four younger siblings needed to be cared for an Irish twin  the others year after year after year

    she needed him out of her hair

                                     Maw  Woudya rea . .

. . You can read, I’m busy, son. You have your basic phonetics. You have a dictionary.

                                                                                             Explore.

when she caught him reading a banned novel in the housealmost lost her mind

    Walk away Maw

                        You told me      Explore

she couldnt bitch

                    whatever words crawled up in her throat croaked in her mouth   she shrugged

he kept her shrugging until he left home at eighteen

                                                        You have young children to care for

they were seven then

                        his parents

wholesome Catholics

                         despite not practising tried to make him practise

Folks I practise things I want to be better at

                                                   Aint my cup of tea

those pearls fell from his mouth when he was eight no more than nine

                                                                            when it dawned on him

stomped his backkicked him in the head a few times

                                                            Its my life

another way to look at him

    he was a pain in the ass

1400,  Saturday,  3  10. 26

1614,  Saturday,  10  10. 26

he wasnt at it

                had to presume a friend of his was beating the hell out of his trap set across the street

Didn’t think tha was you syncopation   didnt jive  Whaya doin over here

My friend stopped, asked if he could relieve me, so I came over here to help Gayle picket.

                                                                          No Kings!

October Seventeenth

You’ll be there?

Jah

     Or Id be square

Square.   Yeah.

Jah

        Maybe Ill see you then

Maybe.

Catcha later man

Gayle and he were in the shade under a tree

he walked past them to the intersectionpushed the crossing button three times

                                                                                                          Why do you do tha

Habit

Not compulsion

Not compulsive

                    Probably why when I drink coffee from a cup or a mug I don use the handle

Habit

Ifya say

Not convinced

Arya tryin to convince yourself

Nah

the crossing sign BEEPed WALK  probably the only thing that could order him around

                                                                                     locomated

reading his mind because he left the door open  Locomated

    Donya think    A crazy fuck

A crazy fuck

Im not explainin

 

across the street he pressed the other crossing button three times

the WALK he passed under counting down read 11

in 15  hed be crossing the broad street then crossing in front of the trap set  the poor player

BEEPed WALK

                       away he went

across the street  drummer to his left  yelled Keep up the good work man

he stopped playing

                                God rest your soul.

    Hmm

 

he know something he didnt

                                 his soul was on permanent leave   Find someone else to harrass 

  the two Rs werent an error

1240,  Tuesday,  6  10. 26

1256,  Saturday,  10  10. 26

he stood with two acquaintances  a fella a gal

                                                    hed ask her

he expected shed be profoundly offendedno  touched    no  maybe     offended

                                                                                         but thats what he did

unexcelled in his latter experiences

Because you don’t care.

I don

How, how can you not care?

Man youre welcome to my slack  A fuckin contortionist

                                                           You like me?   Right? you like me.  Right?

I got to ask

Oh brother. Don’t you want to ask him first?

If he wants to put in his two cents afterwards hes welcome to knock himself out

                                                                                        I presume he wont

You think I won’t?

                      Maybe I will . . to spoil your presumption

Maybe you will

                 So returning his attention to her  I found this devastating

Id not ask you without first answering myself  

                                                    Devastating

if she had spit she might have gulped

                                         What’s devastating?

She looked beautiful like an arrangement of plastic flowers in a funeral home.

Jesus.

Jah

   Jesus.

That yours?

I wish

          Rachel Kushner  The Mars Room

0945,  Saturday,  10  10. 26

a dead desiccated flat as a furry crepe squirrel on the gravel alongside a rotting macadamn road

                                                                                                         another

peels a squirrel up once a weekten days

he gently picked them up

                            his mother once upon a time  alarmedPut it down, it’s filthy, writhing with germs, you’ll get sick touching it.

    he disregarded her

was breaking her in early

                             frankly

any adultanyone who believed hed be dissuaded from doing what he wanted to dodeemed  correct

on the shoulder a stand of slender eucalyptuses sagebrush at their roots lifting a fannedsprig he gentled the squirrel under it

                      There little one size of a tea sauce  Perhaps thas some comfort

he did not know who he was assuring

 

he stood vigilant couplethree minutes no prayers

                                                        and if earthlings were due prayers

it would be those who were not Homo sapiens sapiens

    never ever a more ungrateful animal

0958,  Saturday,  10  10. 26

Mason Proffitt  Buffalo  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PprYWWQqC7Y

No

Yes.  I'm afraid so.

   No

I’m tellin’ ya.

Youre tellin the wrong person

                                With tha admission Im tellin everybody I know anybody who will heard me out  Ill be wallpapering the town with your . . .   I cant begin to tell you the joy youll be bringing into the world

    Ive thought of that.

                          And you’re the perfect messenger to delivery the goods.

Im beside myselfI cant hardly wait

 

conversation veered to their families the summersuddenly behind them    Howd tha happen    We take our eyes off the prize not realising it has a momentum of its own, it won’t rest on its laurels.

 

Time for me to go. their goodbyes tilted her  like she was admonishing time  anguished

Time  Already

                     Talk about freakin momentum

I’ll check my calendar, midOctober . . .

Wha works for youspread it around   Im easy

chortled

         Yeah.  I’ll wallpaper the tow . .

. . An don think I wont

he stood before she did as his Maw taught him   You be a gentleman   went around behind her helped with the chair helped to her feet

                                    You’re such the gentleman.

I wasnt my Maw woud materialise an yank me around the room by my ear  What did I tell you?  You woudnt want to meet her in an ugly mood

You’re parents did well.

As well as coud be expectedworked with wha they had    Me

Yeah.

          Wasn’t much there. smiled  dimples deep divots in her cheek  loved seeing her smile  

 

they gathered their thingszipped closed backpacks went out of the coffee shop doorway side by side

he took herheld her backpack while she took a knee to unlocked her bicycle chained to a parking meter

a young woman approaching them walking up the sidewalk turned her head birdlike with curiosity as she watched her turn the tumbler on the lock

                                          Behold he said startling herstartling them both  This adept woman occasionally listens to audio books on shuffle

    On shuffle

Gimme my bag . . .

Toldya beautiful  wallpapering the town

                                              he gave her a bear hug

she returned it

handed her the backpack

                               Youll check your calendar  Im gonna miss you until then

Notorious

1340,  Sunday,  20  9. 26

0900,  Saturday,  10  10. 26