he was beside himself

                        he looked over and saw himself slouchinghis spine elastic

he could take it now grimly

now was private

when he went out hed play the part that was his lifting others up plying them boisterously with words and broad smiles

thats why many of them came to his shop

because he could pull them up out of their maladies pull them up out of their quiet storm their quiet desperation

Who said that

               he knew that

he did

Thoreau 

           Yes

The mass of men . . and women . . lead lives of quiet desperation, and go to the grave with the song still in them.

he encouraged everyone to sing

                                  even if he had to shove happy words in their mouths happy ridiculous ideas in their heads  then demanded that when they returned they remind him of the assignment he gave them and what they did with it

he apologised if he couldnt remember I send a lot of people outa here with simple chores

and when they returned they reminded him  hed remember  he had a mind built for minutiaefor trivia  particularly when he was its impetus  AHyes  I do remember

it was satisfying when they played with him

adults forget that they ought to play

                                      every other Christmas or so he gave gifts of crayons and colouring books Jacks Pick-up sticks Tiddlywinks a wink is as good as a nod . . . to a blind horse to his siblings  Christ why are youse such sticks in the mud 

one Christmas he bought his sisters and sister-in-laws vibrators Ben Wa Balls  to his brothers and brother-in-laws he gave prescriptionsYES prescriptions  to Penthouse  he wanted something edgy

edgy

edgy

so akin to that was the gambitcourse he ran on his unsuspecting customers

he gave them something to think about outside the ordinary  and they took to it like bees to honey pigs to slop voyeurs to quiet stealth

that was his gift

and frankly when things for him personally got tough  he lost himselfgave himself a reprieve 

                                                                                                   thenmaybe those experiences interactions might bolster him might stiffen his spine remind him Life isnt fair No one said it would be A day at a time Life is for the Living 

Be a light

           though be aware no matter how bright shadows are always cast  and look into them  extend a kind faithful hand to others  to yourself

sometimes he forgot himself

    

1241,  Reggae Friday,  16  8. 19

Faces  That’s All You Need  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Swas_7y8ws     

How smart was he how smart was he

usually he didnt give himself any strokes 

abruptly he thanked others if they tried to commend him

to him it was a form of flattery and as a kid he didnt prefer it figured whomever used it wanted something  and he wasnt inclined to favor anyone  he was suspicious

a job well done thorough was confirmation enough for him

if he was rude and he wasnt or at least tried not to be hed interrupt them Please stop  No thank you  If you must go shine someone elses buttons

no praise

          he hadnt done the work for praise

he did it selfishly did it for his own satisfaction

How smart was he 

                    he was going to grind the beansstart the coffee so when he returned from his barber five minutes down an five back hed have freshbrewed without waiting on it it could wait a bit on himBAM he liked forcing inanimate things to do his bidding

coming home through the door hed dole some dates from the fridge into a small china bowl pour himself a cup of black joe sit before PC write emales  wriote interspersed with pauses in those mechanics to read articles of interest

made for satisfying mornings early afternoons            

How smart was he 

                    he was smart enough to know that he was gambling with his epiphany for whenever he thought he had something by its shorthairs  then something else unexpected traipsed along forcing him to improvise

improvise improve his vise get a better grip on the situationwhatever it is

                                                                             thats how smart

so head on a swivel

                     then eyes in a book In A Lonely Place Dorothy Hughes  when glancing ahead he saw the street formed up copacetic

haircut

he kept his hair short because his girlfriend liked it

the cut was a breeze

out the door

left past the building

eyeballed the street

nada  no sweat

nose in the book

all fine and dandy until he came up on the cornerthe right to take him home

                                                                                  a kid

a kid on a bent knee

a kid somewhere else in his head with a graying Golden retriever shaking beside him

the leather strap hung from its collar

Hey

the kid looked up

redrimmed eyes 

hed been crying

the dog hobbled a bit towards him  then gave up

the kid said nothing

Are you alright

whatever he tried to reply got lost in a gargle of sorrow his eyes grew wet

I cant help can I

Nahgulp .  .  . mister.

Alright  For what its worth  Im sorry

gently he placed his right hand on the dogs head it shook involuntarily  the dog didnt seem to notice his hand  

thats tough

             thats how smart he was

the coffee and dates didnt taste as good as they usually did

1104,  Reggae Friday,  16  8. 19