his pain reminded him of his
bilateralness
which isnt something one usually thinks
of
EVER
but if he were cut stem to stern his
skull the stem his asshole stern(yes yes
he had a stern asshole if plucked
hed be at whomevers throat had plucked it
his snapband wasnt to be fiddled with without dire consequences
unless
of course he chose to have it fiddled which wasnt unpleasant)
his pain incited an apathy which disgusted him
he was a passionate sort
his pain also rendered him to bide
time which again wasnt something he would ever wish to admit
though negotiating his pain he bided bit by bit
it was in his knees and hips and wrists(his
shoulders would have worked their way into the equation except one wasnt real he had a cyborg replacement(arthroplasty)
his humeral head was titanium his socket medical-industrial plastic
there was no way inflammation could conduct itself like a cold blue knife and wound his artifice)
there was no way inflammation could conduct itself like a cold blue knife and wound his artifice)
lopsided only his remaining shoulder was painful
which that was a blessing
as a onearmed man is blessed to
have one arm
people dont often think of their
natural blessings
they were oblivious to their
obvious entitlement
and when he presented that their
common attributes were worthy of the term entitlement he reminded himself of a Faulkner
line Intruder in the Dust: “its only men who burk at facts”
burk meaning murder by smothering
it was abstracted from William
Burk who was executed in Edinburgh 1829 for murdering several people to sell
their bodies for dissection
he could suppose that his words and
consideration were a kind of dissection
though in his cutting he found
that men preferred to hang on their words
they would double down deny or equivocate the reality of facts
they argued if there was a universality
to truth
he learned -- no
surprise -- that children werent as ignorant as men and women
who were undebased by men also were typically not as ignorant
men were like swine to mud
it wasnt that he was trying to be
unkind to them
rather he admitted he was being
unkind to the ignorance which inhabited them
he detested his apathy
detested biding his time
tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock
pains honeydrip malaise
its Here and Now begrudging refusing to move
along as if it recognised in its departure the next and the next and the next Here and Nows would desecrate its story defile its cave paintings deface
its petroglyphs or perhaps it would never be recalled by his punk simian walnut
he knew he was doneup chained and shackled in his biding and apathy and the only way he could think better of himself was at very least that he could admitted them and his admission his awareness of them that then he might be able to minimise alter their effects on him and in his relationship with those around him for who he truly cared
as he saw it his fortune was immense
because
he rarely found himself around the people he cared for
an introvert a recluse possesses
that distinct singularity arrangement advantage
he apologised
I feel bad Perhaps the next time
I will be well and involved not nursing such distracting wounds
he hoped they accepted his apology
he didnt wish them to ever think he
preferred or chose to abrogate how they felt
he was after all a passionate sort
Saturday
evening, 14 5. 16
1436, Twosday,
17 5. 16
