Aw comon my futures behind me
he hustled his demise
alongfueling it with high-octane booze quaffing
swilling
sucking
choosing the particular verb pejorative
to offend
much of his offense was dependent
upon his mood at the moment against the
misfit who noted discerned his alcoholism and felt it was their place to say
something
he thanked them for their
exceptional powers of observationtheir keen abilities to state the obvious
then hed say they were fat or perhaps they ought to have that mole
removed refresh their haircolour recinch their old facelift pick their tits up
he had been known to let a fish
slipthough not frequently only when as
he explained it a warm spasm of compassion oozed in from wherever compassion
leaked
damn if he
knew
he forgave more insects than
human beings They ought to know better and keep their ugly pieholes shut
whenever he forgave someone
he felt tainted unclean
hed finger his
fathers revolver and wonder if that day wasnt the day when hed taste the hard oiled
muzzle pressed to the roof of his mouth slaver and never
hear the gunshot
his father a soldier who fought
in Korea attested to that silence
his father told him when he was wounded
by a machine gun during an attack it sounded burrr - - - rrp one – smashed his knee the other two flensed
his thigh and turned it into a voluptuous flowerpetal of unfurled meat
his old man had a way with words
crippled his father returned to
the United States and worked as a desk jockey a far cry the high freedom he enjoyed as a steelworker
as a boy and a teenager he vowed
hed nevernever be stuck like his old man
turned out his suicide was the
only thing that made them different
Man the tedium is overbearing Nothing bigs gonna happen to me My big is when
I die I find it curiousthis wait an see to
see how it will eventually play out
I may or may not have a hand in
it
If I do thats my rightyah
My lifemy right
he knew him since they were boys since
they met in Cub Scouts
he followed him into bad fights
outnumbered but he followed
him too into bad fightsthough fewer they had one anothers back
and having his back
was also letting him have his way and own mind respecting him respecting him despite the
booze and the drugs
he only hurt himself
the other hurtshis hurt was peripheral
he married once
it went bad inside of three years
but hung on life support nearly twenty
they had love
their love didnt provide kids
it wasnt
that kind of love
they believed their lovetheir
bond that cobbled them together would holdit would eventually rear its head
and correct what was wrong between them
but it was all wrong
when it didnt heal and they split
he didnt inflict himself on another marriage
unlike his
ex
her failures cemented in his mind
that he wasnt the majority holder of their failed marriage
he said after his divorce that he
was a born-again bachelor
it was funny
he was funny
and desperate
a drunk
druggie
when the gun went off they didnt hear it
he said if it did he wanted him
to understand that it was a starting pistol not a suicide
An theyre off!
1919, Monday,
14 5. 18
1029, Day-between-Two-Ts, 16 5. 18
