he was always struckmystified how
remembrances simmered up through the murk and marl of his unconsciousness into
his bright vivid wakefulness a long
long unbroken strand of translucent turning bubbles blip by blip forward
and backback and forward every bubble inciting or incited illuminating
Bugs he rememberedhe nodded Bugs
what was he thinking when Bugs reared up in front of his eyesbefore the page of a book he was reading oogling him lopsided lopsided distended eyes regarding him from above his small disfigured body his fur coloured soft gray like a mouse
he was an inbred brother Condor sister queen Truscan jetblack yelloweyed cats that made Halloween wet itself
Truscan refused to feed Bugs she kicked him away from among the litter as they mewled and slogged forward to nurse the other three kittens seemed healthy seemed viable
he kept trying to insinuate Bugs into the feeding
Truscan wasnt have it
the last time she caught Bugs with her hind paw and raked his face a long bleeding scratch from the tip of his nose to the crown between his ears
Bugs wailed pitifully his hunger compounded by pain alienation too perhaps
the animal world is not humane
the thought caused him to laugh sarcasticallychide Thats
what humans are supposed to be for black humour what did he make of sociopaths psychopaths hed
levy his animalistic tendencies against them in a heartbeat
he put salve on Bugs wound then cupping him in his handcarrying him tucked up in his arm like a small football he went to Safeway You can't bring an animal in here a clerk said Youre welcome to stop me he replied as he sidestepped the high school oaf he went to the dairy section for a carton of goats milk
returned home he fed Bugs warmed milk with an eyedropper he placed him back with his siblings in Truscans refreshed bedding warning herhis face to hers I got the feedings you got the care Got it he hadnt any doubt they didnt understand each other he was her Big Bad Tom she was dicey with most people and they learned quickly to leave her her spaceher space even if she encroached on theirs forcing them out
when Truscan groomed the kittens he used moistened cotton balls to stimulate Bugs urination and excretion he split the litter with herfelt it was a good compromise Truscan eyed him pitifully wondered why he was wasting his time on this runt this abject defect
he wasnt ready to admit it or throw in the towel he was going to give Bugs the best shot he could
by the second month as he introduced wet food to the kittens he realised Bugs yet bugeyed remained feeble his motility was a spastic crawl a worming his spine was twisted it seemed disconnected loosetied thread spools
his heart began see as his brain saw
then Bugs began to refuse wet food
an ugly battle ensued his heart and brain conspired against him
an ugly battle ensued his heart and brain conspired against him
which left himwha
what to fight with spirit guts nerve
what to fight with spirit guts nerve
then Bugs began to wane grew listless dull his soft bearing becoming brittle
he borrowed an old bolt .22
he drove into the mountains above Lost Horse Canyon you can see forever from thereout of Montana over Idaho bright blue sky
he held Bugs up to his throat for
the longest time talking he couldnt say what he saidmemory
recognises people and places letters and
postcards snares words and emotion
he set Bugs down on the pineneedle forest floor his shoulders and hips akimbo his head nodded down he nuzzled the earth
he cradled his head in his handhis fingers beyond the set of his jawthe soft of his ears
the .22 in the crook of his arm its barrel a fraction of an inch from Bugs head
he glanced one last moment into the ether looking where Bugs looked
the shot shattered Bugs skull
its broken bits stung his fingers
the echo echoed echoed echoedechoed
holding Bugs to his chest he wept
he brought Bugs home and buried him in a stone cairn on the earthwork at the head of the garden he positioned Bugs so he looked into it as he looked into it when he held him up at the house window he mewed and chattered defiantly at the birds that lighted he told Bugs he had the looks and making of a really good scarecrow
1400, Sunday, 27 5. 18
1449, Thursday, 31 5. 18
Neil Young https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SYUgGs9IStY