black briefs black bands black ribbons black tshirts black gstrings black bondage

hedonism

heroism

          close but no cigars

letters H E O I S M covered  R  D N not

                                            run down

he wasntwas agile leapt from moving cars

learned how to rollprotect his head

                                        really dug black

vied with red as his favourite colour

he trembled when Vantablack was introduced

                                                  then  now

Black 4.0

          ULTRAbaby

he had two favourites

You can’t have two. You have to choose.

I don

You do.

    if looks could kill

smart  they backed off

                          he remembered more things than he cared to from service two tours

could roll

protect his head

    since he didnt have to choose

he embraced heroic hedonism

                                liked the community he fell in with

sparse

Ill seeya until I don

                     whether a car goinround a corner  wavin bye  a heel rounding the corner of an apartment landing

he lied

        didnt even have to close his eyes to see

he used to be disturbed how he could remember someone but they couldnt remember him

drop them into those kinds of memory

                                           he didnt have to see anybody for months

2037,  Thursday,  19  9. 24

1355,  Monday,  7  10. 24

https://hackaday.com/2023/10/31/black-4-0-is-the-new-ultrablack/#:~:text=%E2%80%9CBlack%204.0%20absorbs%20an%20astonishing,his%20previous%20Black%203.0%20paint.

Bouttime

            he worked to give himself some latitude

could have offended himself far worse but it had been away six years on the backside of a page of an article he printed from the computer with the intention of reading more timely

that he read it at all  tuckedaway as it was

                                                he was grateful

the words on the opposite side were bonus

he cut himself some slack

                            there were reams and reams of pages at his feet to either shoulder similar to the shelves and shelves and rooms and rooms of books outside his studio

How nice are you

Im not nice

             Keep it to yourself 

obviously

           he chose not to be good to himselfnot that there were others vying for his attention  few and far between  he didnt he didnt want to spoil himself

                                      spare the rod spoil the child

he was a manchild

as a child a childman

not of the corpus that made up childhood

his plate was steepedshit to get done

                                       elevated to middle management without knowing it had a name

Bouttime

he remembered the words as soon as he read them

                                                       upset him then  as now

owl and hawk mummies on either side of the highway

looked like misshapen balls of crushedbroken feathers

owls

hawks

killed by cars

killed by cars 

   fuckinkilled by  cars

wished they were laden with explosives

                                               an eye for an eye tooth for a tooth

spare the rod

spoil the child

was a good indication how religion marred him

best indication

                 as soon as they were able to comprehendunderstand he told his daughters he  Careful when addressing your Maw  Ill not have you indoctrinated  You become religioncurious  Well get books  You can study

But youll study asif your life depended upon it

                                                   Cuz it does      Not hyperbole

Religion aint education

That’s not the way I was raised. his wife said angrily when he told her as he told her child by child when they came of ability

No

    Though I wish you werent

It did you no favours

1159,  Thursday,  25  1. 18

1306,  Monday,  7  10. 24

he assigned friend two jobs in two weeks

                                                friend

would have to spur himself on because hed be gone the first ten daysno reminding pestering goading

                                                                                                           he preferred to goad embarrass him

aptly call him  pussy

heeled himself from callinim bitch

                                     Datbe a fightin word

it bothered himsignificantly that they were feminine pronouns

                                                                    Almighty Humdinger  cunt

have to admit cock isnt abusive enough

                                           maybe

because women have been abused for so long that only their slang inflicts damage

To women everywhere be it known  I do not use such language against women unless they have tha I understand to my depths  they have earned it

two jobs

Lisa

      arrange a meeting accompanied by his girl friend

have a book he lent returned

                               Before the Big Bang: The Origin of Our Universe from the Multiverse by Laura Mersini-Houghton

    long dismal story short

                             they had a 50/50 arrangement of its ownership and for some fuckinreason he decided to loan the book

So you tell me Why did you do tha without asking me first

                                                               his issue friend did not appreciate his youthful and ongoing entitlement and seemingly was unable to wrap his thick skull understand  that    he was obligated to him

Ya ask first

he just stood there

                     Ya know  In this moment if we opened a real good dictionary an looked up ASSHOLE your photograph would be included with the definition

“2.  a stupid, irritating, or contemptible person”

                                                     Yareally wanna own tha

When I return in two weeks I read it in four days it best be back in your hands Anthen Im relieving you of it for a month or two                                

I wont be loaning it

I don loan books

Welcome to come in an read

Bring coffee

I got plenty of cups mugs

But aint goin out the door

the book was returned in the two weeks no worse for wear

friends girl friend hadnt made arrangements for them to meet Lisa because friend hadnt the balls to ask

he made a point of asking

just so he could say

                      Whell eunuch  Havent asked haveya

   eunuch

howbout tha

                 though

still not in pussybitchcunts neighbourhood

0810,  2sday,  17  9. 24

1204,  Monday,  7  10. 24

SHUDDER

                freakin appropriateconsidering the prior dreampiece

but thats not where this came from

Irish writer John McGahern  The Pornographer

                                                  believes either Ken Bruen turned him onto McGahern or one of the many literary online sites he read informed himhe couldnt say

                                                           he read an awful lot

jotted names titles brief phrases that incited him

                                                    excited him      challenged him

a sharp cuff on the cheek with a kidskin glove

“The shudder that makes us flesh becomes the shudder that makes us meat.”

                                                                                             if that does turn ones head theyre dead

shudder   flesh  meat freshmeat

shudder

           loved the wordloved      the sensation

erotic

fear

appalled

creep

one or all the above

multiple choice

fortunately

             not a test one needs to fear failing

as a matter of fact

throw other descriptors atop them like an obscene slathered sundae treat

                                                                                gobs and clots and lipsmacking

shudders

one might understand his tilted  erotic

                                         cut of cloth   steepedDNA     proud to say

0737,  2sday,  17  9. 24

1055,  Monday,  7  10. 24

not surprised

he was long gonelong past surprise in regards to his dreams

awake

           he antagonised people who refused to see outside the box

was perpetually on the outside looking in

last night

dreamt urban domestic comicbook panels

                                           four characters a middleaged man perhaps his son relative friend and two women contemporaries aged halfbetween the men

animated expressions

                         panel after panel after panel

some coloured coloured incomplete some sepia some blackanwhite

perhaps

          suggestive of emotion  intimacy

one on one

three

never four

no words

no script

    then

          finally

last panel he realised

over it

in an attractive bold font

QUIS NON VIS MORI CONCUBITU

Who wouldnt want to die having sex (in sex)

                                               sounding dangerously close to incest

stupidquestion

0717,  Monday,  10  7. 24

1001,  Monday