21.6.21


 
      touchstone  a touch stone 
                                   when a touchstone is wood  a gravemarker not a gravestone
how it feels different under his fingers than stone its quiet catches at his whorls and loops gently tugging them reminding him of her brushing his hair not because he was lazythat couldnt do it himself but because he wanted her to do it for him  humoured she chastised him You’re a big boy now, you can brush your own hair. 

she wasnt well hadnt been well for what seemed to him a long time

brushing his hair was one of the few things she could do that didnt exhaust her 

it gave them time alone she talked as she brushed his hair he loved the music of her voice they didnt talk about important things they talked about how they felt about things he listened intently to her because he was very sure when she died he would forget her voice and he wanted to fill his head to bursting with her breath her words to pushback against forgetting how she said them her cadence her particular words phrases

he tried hard to memorise them so when he would say them he might see her face and hearing them maybe catching an echo of her voice  desperately knowing he wouldnt have them if she hadnt said

1722,  Twosday,  15  6. 21
1243,  Monday,  21  6. 21
Jordan Rakei - Wind Parade  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c8xZB5bWTbI 
Steam Down feat. Afronaut Zu – Etcetera  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WL6mMhkkyL4

 

itd been an odd couple of days

an he wasnt one accustom to being taken unawares 
                                                       he had an imagination to fathom most interactions but muthafuck back to back days found him spungroping


there were two conversations

with two women

 

 

Have you ever heard of a malignant narcissist?

Narcissistyah malignant narcissist no Sounds redundant

Ohno, not really, not within the confines of terminology, it’s a blend of disorders: narcissism, and antisocial personality.

Do tell do tell

You think I’m kidding you?

Ah ya know better than to kid me Do tell

I will, I will. 
             they were on the telephone but he could imagine her canines showing as she smiled wryly Internally they’re fragile, they’re aggressive, suspicious of those around them, they see things in black and white. A malignant narcissist has no remorse if they’ve harmed someone . . and they’ll do whatever it takes to get what they want . regardless.

So in a word Republican

Let me finish, please let me finish . .
. . Yare not

No, they’re apex . . creatures . .
. . Im grateful you called them creatures sounds dangerously close to apex predators

They could be, very possibly; they feel empowered by hurting or harming others. No one is superior to them.

 

That it

Jesus, isn’t that enough?

Why arent ya letting me cut to the chaseuse shorthand Republicans

Comon, certainly not all Republicans, can’t allow you such a blanket statement.

If the shoe fits wear it Theyre pernicious theyve align themselves like goosestepping Nazis But given I might be overlybroad perhaps perhaps not  I donwanna take away any bows or curtsies they might wanna take  theyre certainly due for allowing the metastasis  Im being generous to their cause 
                                                                                   Were talking about this why
My exboyfriend.

Your exboyfriend If hes ex why is he bubbling up into our conversation

He’s bubbling up because of his mother. 


Why would an exboyfriends mother matter

A mutual friend’s father died and we ran into each other at the wake.

Ah thank you That makes sense bu . .
. . But why Im bringing her up, the malignant narcissist, is because she, after divorcing his father, probably prior too, slept around, and she didn’t do it cautiously or quietly.

She a looker

A looker. She’d tell me she was insatiable, I love cock, howbout you, honey, you suck my boy’s cock?

Jesus

Jesus? I’d suck Jesus’s cock.
                                    I’m speaking for her.
Yes  I follow
                   Audacious

Audacious, good word. You want to know what’s audacious?

Im all for new definitions interpretations

Of late she’s been going to wakes and funerals of fuckbu . .
. . Whoa Are you going to say   fuckbuddies

I’m not proud about it; but I am. What’s with men unable to keep their dicks in thei . .
. . Stop you What have you done with my friend Really  Dicks in their pants

Dicks in their pants.

Awright

You keep interrupting.

Yare talkin like someone off the street

I’m relating how she talks, I'm not pulling any punches, sparing her. She’s vulgar.

he almost said Do tell do tell

And because she’s been showing up and disrupting these ceremon . . 
. . Cant be too somber if these men were known . . you know

Their survivors have to contend with the aftermath of their relative’s indiscretions. He’s dead; the dead don’t contend.

I can see that

Yes, yes.
           So recently families are hiring bouncers for the entrances to keep her out.

 

 

You knew my husband.

I knew him before you knew himknew him in high schoolthe year out then I moved away

But you knew him.

To be accurate I knew of him On occasions we ran into each other  We were acquaintedwe didnt pal around

Oh, the way the family talked about you . . 
. . I dated his sister 
                      I was out of high school she was in that might have been memorable

It was more than that.

Wha can I say Nice to be remembered

You are memorable.

Yare kind to say 


It wasn’t an amicable parting. 
                                He walked out on me and the girls.

He walked away from his daughters 
                                       Youll excuse me I can understand it takes two to tango Spouses may not be forever  But children are blood

Since he disappeared on us, after all the shit to find him, he hasn’t seen his daughters.

Has not seen his daughters 
                                I donknow I can talk about this Im seeing red

He caught wind our eldest was going to marry. He was peeved, outraged, she didn’t ask him to walk her down the aisle. 
       He wasn’t invited. 
He threatened to come anyways. 


I have no words 
                    He didnt come

He did not, however her cousins, really big men, posted up at the entrances in case he thought to show. They agreed he wasn’t coming inside.

Bouncers at church

Yes, now that I think of it, they were bouncers. 
                                                 Ohmy, I didn’t think that at the time; I was just so grateful for my nephews and how much they love their cousins.
Bouncers. They were bouncers.

They were

What made you think of that? 


I couldnt say
1313,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  9  6. 21
1549,  Father’s Day – Sunday,  20  6. 21