he crossed the seaside road and
walked at its uneven shoulder beside the water
it was flat
tide
was in high
it looked like a vast black
mirror lights slipped sideways on
it
along
the wharf the sparse overhead lamps had bulletpointed doppelgangers it
looked like a runway tipped on its side or a gantry to launch canistered souls
to the Far East lesser souls prisoners dribbling off into Australia
the alarm was alarming
he
was going to have to do something about it
hed
been meaning to do something about it for as long as he had it
he wasnt going to do a damn thing
about it
it was an
alarm
it
did its job
thats why he bought it
he groaned got up out of bed walked staggered still sleepy
into the hallway towards the livingroom
scratching his balls pushing his cock aside as he did a multitasker confirming they were still there tethered according to biology
every
man every morning confirmed such details
lying if he said otherwise
that was an easy
go-to to access someones honesty
another
test of tribe according to him was the admission of doing drugs during the
70s
most of them had kids now and D.A.R.E. I fucking dare ya was breathing down their necks
it was amazing who lied and who wouldnt speak truth to Authority or
worse
to their own children
he turned wide wide circles escaping
their peripheries and sticky spiderwebs
through the windows he never
shuttered or hung curtains in through
his dull reflection
he watched a slender artery quiver at the horizon laced above by a charcoal sky and black sea
below
Fuck
the storm hung back over the ocean
he could still get his swim in if
he left pronto
A Lone fuckin Ranger
Asshole
his wandering subconsciousness smarted Tonto not pronto prick
he
hated when he corrected himself at a subliminal level but
he
recognised it before he breathed a word to another human being kept the Tupperware party inside himself
he was okay with being chastised
by something that was nothing without him
he doubled back to his bedroom
threw on his swimsuit and wrapped himself in an old Mexican blanket the real
deal handwoven when you could get them only by going into Mexico not a knockoff
not cheaply made he bought it from woman who woven her heart and soul into it
he paid more than he had to she needed it more than he did
not very
Free Market of him
returning to the livingroom at
the front door he slipped into old shoes he didnt need to tie
like an old horse waiting on its rider
he went out the door leaving his
place open kept hoping someday hed
return and find
someone there
hed eat for weeks free
walking along the empty street it
encouraged him that hed set the alarm with the evenings weather broadcast if he wanted to make his swim at the usual
time it would have been a bust too
treacherous no sense tempting Ma
Nature she didnt play nice
the hell she didnt play
the coffee shop was closed reminded him
tide wouldnt be in until this
evening there was no fret leaving his
shoes and blanket in the dry sand at the edge of the wet sand a short run then to wrap himself up again in
the blanket to fight off hypothermia and his chattering jaws he wouldnt be able to speak through them if he
wanted not that there was usually anyone
to say Hiya to or had been for years once
upon a time there was an old man who shared the ocean with him along this strip
of beach he died eightynine
a real wisecracker in his will he
left the strand to a young man whose name he didnt know
he wrote the young man would know who he
was the family was curious what he
meant
then they settled back into their pale
misunderstanding of him
the sea rocked him he had to keep spying the distant wharf and returning
to the point before him the end streetlight to keep himself from being washed in and
busting up his swim
later this morning it wasnt going
to be a treat for anyone who thought to take her on
Fucking Cold he wrapped himself it was more strenuous than he thought itd
be
he was
exhausted he put a bead on the ground
just ahead of himself fixated on it and made
for home he almost caught himself counting steps to
help neglect his shaking and escape
from the moment
but it was a moment he made and
like pain you appreciate the moment to
be able to appreciate all the other moments when youre warm satiated
when youre not in pain when
things are absent theyre hard to recall
and recalling them helped him face them better when they returned youd be an idiot to think they wouldnt
he tried to keep his idiocy to a minimum
he didnt ever want to play in the
common pool not ever
whoever created the hot shower
was a God
he hung the blanket to dry in the fresh air from a clothesline as if it exhibited a rite of passage like an Indian of Old proudly displaying a wetted rag the badge of his daughters menstruation her becoming a woman and taking her rightful place among the People
only People of his tribe might gleam that his Mexican blanket was significant
his neighbors thought he was odd
why a clotheslines
he had a dryer
he learned before he even
arrived on this coast to live as an outcast
some cancers it seemed had nothing to do with the actual Gawdforbid diseases
he emerged from the shower his
skin throwing off vapors against the cool house air
hot
black coffee was going to taste so good this morning he really earned it
Fuck
the coffee shop was closed reminded him
Yeah reminded me then
he peered around at his
subconscious wondering if itd even dare to have some off coloured remark to
utter to his face
Nothing Good Youre
learning thank you
he quit peering
he
had meant to stop on his way back at the shop for whole beans
now he had to hold himself accountable
now the fresh hot black restorative
coffee was going to come at an additional expense
at a less efficient
manner
another walk
he looked out the unclothed
windows
the sun was up now
he could walk and read
now which book to read
Faulkner
Faulkner weather and Faulkner
trying
Sound and the Fury
thatd spindle him good
then the coffee could unwind him
he brought his eyes up just over
the top of the book to catch a glance ahead to offset anything untoward that
thought it might try and stumble or drop him
rarely did that happen
he was too familiar
nearly to the coffee shop a
glimpse yanked his eye off the shoulder of the road to the strand
he closed the book after catching
the page number swung his head left and
right no cars and crossed over to the beach
-- Whats up Tommy
Tommy
was built to be a lifeguard a Beach Boys
Frankenstein he met him the same year
the old man died which affirmed in his mind the notion and wisdom
One door closes Another opens
-- Trouble Im afraid She beat me down here this morning
-- I beat you down here this morning Who
-- You know her
I know youd recognize her She was
hard not to see
-- Red one piece Wanted to see her in a two piece
-- Yeah I
didnt see anyone at the surf as I approached this morning then found her stuff
bundled on the beach I was startled shes sharper than that I thought I looked for
her didnt see anyone not anyone not anyone in the surf I called for help
two Rescue boats plied the shelf running crisscross running in strategic patterns
-- How long now
-- Too long
her hand came up through the
glass of the sea she reached for
him
not a threat
a
hand extended up was all
he grasped her hand it was warm
her grasp was firm as he expected
she came up out of the water
slipped out of it like seal never blinking her eyes
she put her arms around him
she
hugged him
he hugged
her back
she
relaxed her hold
he
let go of her and stepped back
in her
face no complaint no distress
he stepped back again
then walked away from her backwards
on top of the water
watching
her
she placed her hands behind
herself at the hollow at the small of
her back and tossed her head
her hair shook ever so lightly
no
beads of seawater came off it
the sun was beginning to set
it painted her it lit her up
like a patient unperturbed
candleflame
-- Tommy
You ought to call the boats off or suggest so Theyll not find her out there
-- No disrespect but I think I know better about this than you
-- Have them check near the wharf this side
near the seawall at sunset Shell be
waiting there
-- What are you talking about
thats what Tommy said
but there was nothing to talk
about
hed already begun walking up the
beach to the road to the coffee shop
he shivered
he wasnt cold
2300-ish, Sunday,
25 1. 15
2037, Thursday,
29 1. 15
