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A good portion of people might hurry past this declining gentleman  sitting reflectively   
iconically  on a park bench 

                                            but I couldnt resist the temptation

he was guarded 
I would have been

but with small talk and shared Camel straights  mine  he opened up like an old war buddy
the way only old war buddies can communicate 

conferring back and forth the mantle and reality of hardships endured   and survived

over and done wondering why they had 
 

why they did

  

--   . . . yah  terrible diseases   he looked off somewhere over my shoulder  long enough that I almost turned myself to see what caught his eye   and then theres dissease

--   Disease 
--   Dissease  syllabise it  diss ease 
--   Ah
   

--   People die by either of them  They contract disease they fight it some live  while others are consumed
Dissease isnt contracted its willful and those people if they cant step back if they cant force themselves to  step away 
if they cant 
the dissease kills them one hundred per cent  One hundred per cent  he shook his head
and then the shake gravitated to a nod  utterly affirmed

I listened to him  he was gnarled  grizzled  I took it that nothing left his head that wasnt long
and carefully vetted

he had yellow teeth  but they werent for lying

--   Are you alright

his eyes scoured me  as if he saw me for the first time
just then                                                                  

--   Yes  I
am

Thank you for asking

You think Ive gone   off my rocker

--   Your rocker nah  Youre reminiscent of a line from Meet John Doe
Do you remember Henry Connels bit to John  in the bar

                                                                                           I know the worlds been shaved by a drunken barber

No  not off your rocker

Not as the world 
all around us
is off its

--   Ah  thought I could talk to you

Dissease 
A difficult task

Difficult  But not impossible

I can see the kicked dog glaring out the sides of their faces 
I know better than most of them  of the hardships of making a go of it without shelter or food
stealing to survive

But because Im an old man now  its hard to convince them Im no different than they are

Or they think Im a liar because Ive said so

I could see in his face  in that strictured roadmap  that that was the last thing anyone wanted to accuse him of 
I could nearly smell the brimstone ethics steeping at his mere suggestion that he might lie 

feel  in the air  the wet of his acidic intolerance to lying

Id never lie 
Theres no sense in it

--   There is not

--   No 
And yet I see it walk past me every day

Sneering at me as it goes

--   Its a different time

--   And that young man is the good excuse

People remain people no matter the  time  or different time  Our personal  or primitive  desires remain unchanged

                               no matter the era

--   Yes  people remain people 
Is this dissease you mention  your sarcasm  satire   black humor

--   Its a facet   he smiled wrily   a facet of our shared blood diamond

he could see the old man was pleased with his analogy  it suddenly gurgling up into his mind 
it made him appreciate his cognition   not that he had any doubt   he liked that his processes were sharp and firing 
not retreating or reversing field 
he wouldnt destroy his legitimacy  it was the only thing holding upright his yet unexplained dissease

he had obviously worked it through and probably granted that it was not for everyone
not that anyone was everyone  but would fall in near proportions  slight ticks apart

--   Facets of a shared blood diamond  Fascinating

--   Ill admit Im still enthralled  I wish I would have thought of it a long time ago

--   Probably had  though not this  astonishing  wording

--   It is astonishing

--   Yes  Poignant

Though I remain perplexed by what you mean  exactly  when you say dissease

--   Yes  I havent explained 
I apologise

Ive only mentioned their sharp sidelong glares 
--   Kicked dogs 
--   Yes

It is not wise that people or animals  or anything     is treated badly for reasons that are not of their doing 
for stations  if you will  they were delivered into

For some reason that seems unimportant  Cared and tilled soil can grow wonderful things
not that it always does 

                                      From hardscrabble hard things grow

An instance   to       illuminate  what I mean when I say dissease

--   Yes please

--   This has happened to me  more   perhaps  than I would care to admit   or frankly more than you might believe 
Id ask you take me at my word

--   Yes please

he smiled sadly 
--   Thank you
This feels oddly   like a confession

And so I am sitting here  or somewhere     his hands gestured  articulated not really here and somewhere quite elsewhere     and by looking  I cause offense

A terrible offense

And they come at me menacingly
And threaten
 

They say Dont look at me old man  Look away 
They say   laughingly  You know when Im your age   youll be dead   Look away

Im . . .  Im astonished

And astonished Im not looking away from them  That would be the last thing I would do as theyre walking towards me 
Why wouldnt I watch them

Look away old man  I dont even want the stain of you in my eyes

The stain 
Im a stain

I dont say that to them  I hear myself repeating it over and over in my head  Stain  
Because I saw them I looked at them and my looking    abuses them

The dog glaring out of the corner of their eyes

Many  as it seems  vogue    if thats the right word today   wear tattoos 

My thinking is tattoos ought to be earned  not bought 
they are random  

                             etched by experience 
Every gray hair on my head  my scars my wrinkles 
Tats

And once this young man comes at me  tattoos around his throat  What is that 
Ill be dead when hes my age 
Does he recognise the target around his throat like the badge on a cop a bulls eye to hone in on

Its a target
A silhouette hung in a shooting range

Enraged  hes on me  Hes in my face because I looked at him

Im dissing him 
Dissing
                                                                                                                          

What?

Under the line created by his tat I can see his belligerent pulse beating   beating

Because Ive looked at him

His fist bunches he grabs me at my chest my jacket shakes me I can hear hes yelling something at me but I cannot make out his words Im frightened Im frightened

and then Im not

He cant frighten me unless I let him frighten me

I am not frightened

And violence floods his face 
In his neck his violence pulses     throbs

I dont have to hold onto him because he wont let go of me

Hes fixated on my face  Maybe seeing the damage he intends to inflict because I looked at him
 

He doesnt pay attention to an old man arms and hands  Hes feeble  Whats he going to do other than take the beating

Yes

Take the beating

The tattoo the target the beating
Dissease

They dont feel the straight razor Their eyes never flinch   I assume they dont    

1507,  Monday,  16  2. 15
1041,  Saturday,  21  2. 15