. . . thas all  was callin it a night

he was gonna write that

went to the clipboard leaning at his thigh to scribble it  kept a pen with it

                                                                                      No deal no pen nopen nopen

lot goin on there 

               must have slipped from the clip onto the bed

he roughedup the blanket the sheet

                                        nada

whered it get to

he had no clue

                 no clue  Huh                                       

the books he brought to bed

                              Sirens’ Call Hit Makers Campo Santo The Metaphysical Club Wounded Knee Your Inner Fish he was ambitious  he hoped theyd keep him in the game keep him conscious   he set them beside the bed on the wood floor

                                    pulled up stakes

he took apart the pillows he leaned against the wall

    no headboard for him

theyd been possible dealkillers when meeting new women

                                                              boldly telling them rightupfront

My experience with headboards they make an ungodly noise slapping against the wall when Im making love  could have said sex which would have been more accurate but  was a callingcard enticement  wonderment  of sorts

the pillows arranged for sleep he pulled his sweatshirt up over his head

                                                                           it caught

on the pen he kept with the clipboard

hed tucked over top his ear

    thats why he was able to write

                                        . . . thas all callin it a night

sheesh  what an asshole

2141,  Sunday,  13  4. 25

1057,  Monday,  14  4. 25

she did not write often

few people do

he wrote more than his share

but when she did he paid heed

she should have been a boxer

sharp jabs

rapped bone

she wrote

             . . . harmony is secured through sameness   . . . a pure mind obeys without question   . . . belief without texture   . . . desire is sacred only when sanctioned   . . . stillness that measured   . . . unassigned physical contact

                                      excerpts of excerpts

exceptional

he was waylaid by belief without texture  stillness that measured

                                                                        was still grappling with them 

they overwhelmed him

he had not juxtaposed belief  texture   stillness  measured

                                                                  asif   fabric

one could be wound in

shrouded

             buried in

garments

tailored

he wrote her

               I hope your excerpts congeal

he crossed his fingers

    he had not read anything like them since happening upon Anais Nins House of Incest  then A Spy in the House of Love  immediately Children of the Albatross

Nin introduced him to Henry Miller

the gloves came off

1440,  Saturday,  12  4. 25

1250,  Monday,  14  4. 25

while stoned or drunk he went through doorways leaningleading with his shoulder fell through them

                                                                                                            felt

amusinglyawkward 

he was told it looked awkward

was a nice confirmation

    Why do you do that?

Reminds me of running the ball Rugby  Get lowerunder the hit

                                                                          Leverage

Leverage? Against what?

Who

       I associated withwasnt part guys I grewup with   I associated with a rough crowd

Most werent popular Which was reason enough for them to hang together

I didnt

Was a oneoff

Found thathrough no fault of my own my casual associations provoked others

Provoked?

A rough crowd There were other rough crowds

Gangs?

I woudnt call them gangs

Would I call them gangs?

Yamight I didnt

So what’s this leverage.

    I learnedshort order mixing through a variety of  lets callem social gatherings  at bars barbecues backyards Chicagoland backporches  parties

                                                 I was recognised  Or rather my association

Some people like to be fit to be tied

Your presence made them angry.

Yah  Canya believe tha

                           But I learned

And that was?

Goin through doorways asif chased fleeing    well

 

Well?

Looks like runnin away

    I could see that.

Yah

      Was beneficial

How is that good?

Well

       Actually bait

    Bait?   How?

If they followednot tha they did all the time

                                              I bolstered their confidencecoud make a name knockin me around

They didnt conceive they were followin  fallin   into a trap

I did not get too drunk I did not get too high

Kept my wits  Had my days in Golden Gloves

Come at your own risk

Might saylet it ride on this

                              Old habits die hard

It’s uncomfortable looking.

Thanks for noticing

2241,  Saturday,  5  4. 25

1139,  Monday,  14  4. 25

Heidi and Starla Svennson  said it in a poor Swedish accent

Would you quit?

Cant  Im disappointed

You didn’t know them.

No  Only by their names ya shared

                                           Antha I know Svennson means son of Sven

Heidi Girl Starla Girl

                         I hope a stripper somewhere

Oh for God’s sake.

By your expression not a good line of work for her

                                                        Or Heidi tha matter

They were attractive enough.

Bodies

         Park even a rough face on top a killerbod guys don notice woud forgive

Do you hear yourself?

Ifya like I coud repeat myself verbatim

No. No.

They were nice girls.

Nice girls can be strippers

Jesus.

         Twins. They were twins.

Come now thadbe a huge draw great act yaremember the Playboy twin playmates Tha was a sensation

    Woud make son of Sven bust a button

Quit.

Methinks when they were making posters for you when you ran for senior class president you might have had an inkling to date one

                             But woe  how to choose to date one identical twin an not the other 

he shrugged  I didn’t.

Stupid

Why are you calling me that?

Datem both theyre twins

                           Maybe you find out the difference

Or maybe not.

Not thaya tried  Passed

                          Stupid

You would have?

    Ive heard No more times than Doans has pills

                                                          AnIve no idea wha theyre for You

They’re for backache, arthritis, inflammation, pain.

A painkiller

A nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory. A   N  S  A  I  D.

Look at you goin off

                       Suppose it helps to have physicians in the family

It did.

    So how was it you remembered Heidi and Starla?

Starla  As a twin Heidis bound

                                  But Starla  Had not heard tha name before   Plays with my imagination

Stripper.  Apparently.

Yah

       Helps never to have seen them

An Im sure the only pictures you have of them are in your yearbook if you still have it

Why? You interested?

No

Why not?

They cant rival my imagination

                                  Majority women woud have a hard time a desperate time rivaling my imagination

That’s disturbing.

    For who

1715,  Saturday,  5  4. 25

1031,  Monday,  14  4. 25

Hey, don’t give me that, you’re the one who brings them up, not I.

Not you  No not you

                      You flinch You think theyre getting a raw dealtha women shoud suffer them

Not suffer them.

Suffer  They cant get their shit togetherfinances together heads out of their ass  Anthas womens fault

    You stand commiserate with them

I don’t.

Then why blame women for their    their trouble  their insufficiencies

Women have been getting a sweet dea . .

. . No abortion for you Sweet deal  Have your rapists baby Sweet deal

                                                                            It grates you tha despite mens disregard abuse of women for thousands of years  tha somehow when women take opportunitiesgrab the bull by the horns  excel   thathey shoud suffer the slings an arrows of incels  other men

An unfortunately other women too

You have no, no, zero empathy for them.

    Who

Them.

Whos them  Youre troubled to call them wha they call themselves 

                                                                  Speak

a hard stare whatever that was supposed to mean  Incels.

Attaboy

           You can spit now

Christ you’re a pain in the ass.

Ill tellya

           Ill tellya wha I have for incels

Slides glibly off your tongue.

Yes  Easily

              Though with sincere genuine  thought

I can’t wait to hear.

Dear incels

                Karmas a bitch

1715,  Saturday,  5  4. 25

0924,  Monday,  14  4. 25