the plane was pushed back from
the gate at Sea-Tac
he flew in from O’Hare the night
before
he was returning to normal
rather returning to what had been normal though itd never be again
normal was before
afterwards wasnt
I’m not going to see my sixtieth
birthday. You will, I’m not.
Please stop you dont know that
Know? No. I
don’t know. However
I suspectI feel I won’t. I’d bet money
on it.
Come on sweetheart you havent
celebrated your fiftyninth birthday ye . .
. . It’s a week off.
Yes In a week Im sayingyaknow wha Im sayin Take it a day at a time
he heard her smile break in the
telephone receiver the smack of her lips
was they curled it wasnt a sarcastic smile wry yes wry A day at a timehuh? Take it. I’ve been taking it a day at a time, living one day at a time since I
was fifty years old. Then it was breast cancer, the diagnosis, what a wonderful
belated birthday present, the gift that just keeps on giving.
And
taking.
I
remember
Fine. You remember. I’ve had to live with it, if you can call chemo a lifestyle. I’m living day by day, waking up every morning crossing my fingers hoping it’s just
been a bad dream, a
real bad dream.
she cleared her throat phlegm of sorrow desperation
My life is a bad dream.
he wouldnt argue with her he called her once a weekoccasionally moved off their mark by her cancer to the next he called to talk with
her listen to spend all the time he could
he listened to every word she said
he left it to her to change channelsget off subject shed ask what was
new she knew she could always count on him he was a fount of useless
interesting information
How do you know that? shed ask
Its not so much knowing baby as
reading itseeing it it catches my eye
makes me curious
You’re not curious she said once
you’re promiscuous.
Wha
I tell everyone you’re
promiscuousmy big brother is promiscuous. I get sympathy for your promiscuity,
like a huge triple-dip ice cream conesugar cone, sympathy for it atop the
sympathy I get for having had breast cancer; and now ovarian cancer. I let them
think what they will. People love to think the worst of other people. It makes
them feel better about themselves, don’t you think.
I think your chemos dementing
you When did this evil bent of yours come
on
she laughed heartily I show the women your picture. It’s not evil;
it’s entertaining. I got to get as many laughs as I can.
Even if it comes at my expense
They’ll never meet you. And when
they look at your picture they say well that explains why he’s promiscuous.
Some say they’d have sex with you. Then they catch themselvesare embarrassed; and then they say Is that okay with you? she laughed very hard I could be your pimp.
Youre hilarious Youve never admitted my promiscuity
Nope. No. Some fun, huh?
Some fun
Oh, trust me, it is fun!
he trusted her
she was also the last person in
the whole world he would deny
their last three conversations were
very hard
they had the sudden pleasantry of
hearing each others voice then she tried to catch breathfailed and failing burst into mournful tears
he was helpless
he was useless
he listened to her heartbreaking
sobs wished he could be therematerialise
out of thin air hold her stroke her head sssh
sssh kiss her temples sssh help quiet her assure
her he was there he had her sssh
sssh Take your time my beautiful girltake your
time Take what you need Im
here Im not going anywhere Not nowhere
I’m
sorry, honey, I’m sorryso sorry. I keep telling myself I’ve convinced myself I accept this
I understand I do understand
I
understand I’m not going to survive this cancer
My
mind, I’m all about the fight. But my body, physically, physically my body is
spent, it can’t take it. I haven't any reserves.
I’m
so very sorry.
Please sweetheart no sorrys for me Im with you
You’ve
always been with me.
Ill always be with you
she cleared her throat I’ll she stopped I’ll always be with you.
Always
Yes.
Yes I have no doubt
Me either.
I love you
I love you.
virtually their last words
when he got to Illinois she was unconscious he was very upset he couldnt talk
to her but leaving California he told those who asked he needed to see his sister
he
thought the Fates were real shits to hold him to his word
0815, Day-between-Two-Ts, 5 9.
18
0911, Twosday,
11 9. 18
