you can try an shut yer eyes to
it tune it out of yer ears
but he couldnt
but he couldnt
not
the infernal interrior dialogue he had to wrestle freestyle a fast stream-of-consciousness
rabbleroused by his testy unconsciousness Raw
hot
blood Red
bloodied by willful slaughter
a honed knife laid off to a side
-- Use it You can see the animal is suffering
Put it out of its misery
Provide it mercy
the bone-handled knife was in his hand trembling glinting
in the sunlight
the goats eyes bulged
(did it know -- understand)
(he didnt)
it bleated
it snorted
it cried
Its suffering
Help it
Put it out of its misery
he couldnt save it
the goat was beyond saving
the sun glinted off its shining
widespread terriorised eyes
there was too much light
there were no shadows or darkness to hide in
no salve or anodyne
just the hard weight of the knife in
his hand
he grabbed the goat by its head
his hand its blindfold
his hand bending its head back to a side
its jugular throbbing
quickly keenly the blade to one side
the other
the goat spasmed under its blindfold
There There
Quiet Sshh There now sshh
Im sorry
the goats blood pooled darkly
dried brown grass and chaff
pushed by its edge
he reflected up in it
the knife blade a brilliant shard
a focal point
deaths final throes
its last breath hollow hard
a wolfs whistle
what it had been departed
still
lonely
vacant
death is absence
he stood
his hand fixed a
blind a gag
he warmed it rubbed it on his
thigh
his thumb catching his beating
heart in his femoral
alive
existent
present
Ill take the knife now
he turned to face him
I dont think you want it
Not
right now
Not how I want to give it to you
It was only a goat
What if I called you a goat only a goat
Youre responsible for this for its suffering its misery
The goats death
It was a goat
It was a goat but life isnt cheap No life is cheap
Youd agree
he
strode suddenly over to him daring him to disagree
Youd
agree Yes
Yes
What
I agree
You agree What
I agree No life is cheap
Then we agree
and stepping back he
threw the knife its blade bite into the
earth between his heels
his feet shoulders-apart
his feet shoulders-apart
turning he walked away and
tried very hard not to see the dead goat not to hear its last breath hollow and
hard
its lone wolfs whistle
0126, Sunday,
24 1. 16
