sensibilities

   senses abilities 

                    5  don let em go to waste  lock away the Three wisenheimer Monkeys

See No Evil  Mizaru miserable

Hear No Evil  Kikazaru no cock in hand 

Speak No Evil  Iwazaru  I was no hero 

there is no Evil

                 theres good and bad 

he was checkingup on his senses abilities from last century 

                                                                . . . every year I begin a new journal  it is the perfect depository for my thoughts observations the usual mayhem I attribute myself as I am to some distant reader know or unknown to fix myself my perceptions my History those things which happen day to day  all things that comprise our lives 

      he cited a private friend  Peggy Lee   “Is That All There Is?” 

Whell  he remained unalloyed unchanged 

he wasnt surprised

                     he could honestly say that since his epiphany as a nine year old boy when he figured his life was his ownbelonged to him he wasnt living to please his parents grandparents teachers his large extended family not the few friends he could relate with 

                                    he lived to please himself 

others thought that selfish 

No 

     putting oneself firstforemost forms healthy enduring relationships  he did not want to be swamped by a force of family and friends he understood that he was responsible for himself and that no one other than he was responsible for his happiness  without that peg pounded in at the apex his rawhide hung downhis choice extending it to others would honestly not help them 

   senses abilities     

0122,  Thursday,  4  1. 1990

2306,  Thursday,  18  5. 23

1655,  Saturday,  20  5. 23

Peggy Lee  Is That All There Is?  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QPP6UgkmyM4 

Awmygawd  he thought Woudya shutup

he opened his mouth didnt give much mind what he was talking aboutshooting from the hip

                                                                                                  he was a lousy shot 

Woudya shut your piehole

So what do you think? 

Ya don wanna know what I think  Brayed brayed  brayed    

I mean really, what do you think?

Yawanna give yourself a pause 

                                     Yawanna thinkwho yare talkin to 

What do you mean?

Thas a good questionyare thinking 

                                        Think a bit more

I don’t know what you mea . . 

. . Actually ya do 

                      Let it simmer cure  marble   effervesce 

I can't unless I know what you’re talking about.

Were talkinbout your how shall I say thisYOUR  idiotic query  

                                                                    Ya might wanna save someones feeling tha you care about  an I don

I don’t figure.

Do you remember the question

   Hint 

You asked me wha I thought . . 

. . About what?

Gawddammit  Let me say this 

                                 As hominids evolved  a branch tha might have spunoff you woud have withered an died

Christ. 

        Jesus man, that’s rud . . 

. . NO  Yare ask was rude 

                             Which is why Im laboring not to answer you  Give you another shot at the merry-go-rounds brass ring saveya some grief   Save  Annabel  some grief

HINT

he walked ahead of him kicking small stones off the hardpack earthenpath that skirted the in-the-ground pool apron he lead him onto away from her so she couldnt hear 

                                                    she tried to hear everything

she was disgruntled when he motioned for her to stayput in the chaise lounge where she sat

WHAT? erupted out of him 

   Ill tell ya 

              Wha the Venn diagramyou an your fuckin Venns  would looklike of Annabels an my interaction    

Thered be a single circle  It woudnt be an overlap  Itd be hers   My circle isnt even in her orbit her scheme of things 

Youd be better off imaginingasking wha hers an yours woud look like

I don’t know what to say. 

NO You havent a clue 

                          Not wha to say not wha to askHushit  Please    I wanna think yare sharper than this

1330,  Reggaefriday,  19  5. 23

1604,  Saturday,  20  5. 23

he whistled a wolf whistle

people stoppedlooked

thats why he did it

                    he wanted to attraction their attention because Americans have been conditioned crass news cycles to lack longterm memory  to not remember a damn thing

WOLFWHISTLED to get their attraction  remind them 

                                                 TRUMPVIRUS 

hed been lax

             he hadnt said in 36days  last 14April  then 1,158,017 had died 

today the tally he used the word specifically because it was grotesque 1,164,019 are dead 

                                                                                          167 Americans a day 

sez so  because he refuses to forget

1214,  Saturday,  20  5. 23

wolf whistle black humour  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EZaPScHXacM

https://www.worldometers.info/coronavirus/country/us/

she sat on her handsrocked back n forth back n forth  lookedqueer   made him uncomfortable

                                                                                                     in spite of her beauty

he asked Is tha a tic

suddenlystopped Where?  sharplyratcheting her head left right anagain hands stayed put she turned on them as she lookedglared   she barked Where?

Jesus realising he upset her No no  not the insect no  Tic  a tic T I C   An idiosyncrasy 

   Idio ah tic ah  the tension anxiousness leaked like air from a toy balloon abating dissipating  she rolledlolled her head her neck shoulders loosening 

                                     she eyed him I’m sorry I’m sorry . . I hate ticks . a little girl trauma . . they make my skin crawl.

Looked traumatic

a brokensmile crept on her lips That would be . friend . . . an understatement.

I apologise I didnt mean to make you uncomfortable

You didn’t know. 

                      An idiosyncrasy? 

Sitting on your hands

Ah that . . I forget I do it. 

                           I’m prone to gesticulate. haha  There’s tic again. 

Aw beat me to the punch

I’d punch you back.

                     she rocked her hips rockedleft freeing her right hand rockedright freed her left snapped her wrists getting blood flowing in her hands   My mother insists it’s unladylike to gesture. 

   Shes not here

                     I think whashe don know  wont kill her  

No. she giggled softly No, I suppose it won’t.

No it wont You be you 

                         I know we don know each other well but I like you  A moment ago you were nakedly yourself unabashed   honest  I find them exceptional qualities

   My mother wouldn’t like you.

Never can tell I have a way with mothers   Often theyve sealed the deal . .

. . Deal, sealed the deal? a lilt in her ask

Yes, acted as closers Women Ive met dated have had  er wha shall we call it . . 

. . We? You. 

                What do you call it?

Yes Correct 

               Wha do whawoud I call it  he put his hands together in his lap fingers interlaced looking down at them Now whos sitting on their hands  he smiled

she laugheddidnt cover her mouth then smiled large he was jealous of her dimples 

                                                                                     Your dimples are fetching

Thank you you’re not answering the question.

You interrupted

You seemed stymied.

Words matter   I was trying toas Im not often to explain this 

                                                                Women Ive dated have been  reticent at first unsure he chuckled I am charming apparently Theyre kinda of like native Brown trout hard to make raise flyfishing   cautious

Cautious.  Curious.   absently noddedwas sitting on her hands again 

                                                                          A fair assessment.  Honest. 

I am 

      I woud also say  many had been burned in the past By dishonestyhonesty may be queer unsettling  but I also understand I can be unsettling which is why I was struck by your remark

   Lonesome aberration?

Yes

       Ive been called worse     smiled

2320,  Thursday,  18  5. 23

1126,  Saturday,  20 5. 23

Octopus Diver  Black Cloud’s Shadow (33:18 minute-mark)  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QY3-YeMEgdc