did it again

Jesus  not again

for the second time inside a month he thwarted her suicide

                                                 What  Are  You  Doing

she gestured dumbly a string a variety of crazy shoulder shrugs  big eyes HUGE eyes

mutely insinuating 

                When you saved my life you became responsible for me

he translated her look into words so there was no confusion  Im responsible for you because I saved you

No                                                                                                                

I disagree

I aint Chinese Thats an old Chinese proverb

The concept embedded in it I dont accept  Unfurled  by saving your life I have . . . inflicted – its a tough choice of words but terribly accurate -- I have inflicted your continued existence on the world and whatever you do from then – be it good or evil – its my responsibility

she blinked and blinked  and   blinked    and     blinked      her eyes moist  glazed

then blinkedblinkedblinkedblinked

AwDont give me the ol brown eyes treatment I aint fallin for it                                                      

What are you thinking

her muteness persisted her voice paralysed

she was all eyes and hapless arms

he thought Could he threaten her

With what

Shes tried to off herself twice 

he conceded to take her home

he held her up to the wall and watched her grimly climb back into her web

she had sneaked back into the tub

                         

but since her last attempt he looked thoroughly inside it scouring the tub the tiles

he methodically checked everything  even between the shower lining and curtain

only once hes confirmed he isnt threatening anyone does he starts the water

ritually now he bathes and soaks every day

she quivered in her web watching him upside down plucking at its strands as if she were a harpist

perhaps wishing abstractly it was an Angels harp

                                         Do Spiders Go To Heaven If Dogs Do

YaAh  the heat of the water was getting to him

a cheap mirror and hallucinogen

1018, Monday,  13  6. 16

It aint origami reprise

            what panicks one

                                                       doesnt necessarily panick another

its symptoms: breath sticking in ones throat eyes bulging fisheyed trying as part of the bodys sympathetic nervous system to see sharper and furthur widen their peripheral a ticking up of the hearts tock tick tock ticks the swift flow organs bathed saturated in adrenaline daubed with a broad brush of blue inhaled opium moist palms scalp armpits backs of knees and feet

an organism cued up by the virtue of their panick
                                        with nowhere to go

inevitably theres someone in your head who intones unsympathetically Come on Nothing here to panic over
while youre pins and needles amped ALL SYSTEMS GO!                              

you disassociate

you grab that heartless sonofabitch whos so reasonable(to themselves) by their windpipe throw cautions to the wind and squeeze it tight
             if it crushes like a paperstraw so be it

thereby impeding forever any unsympathetic uncompassionate peep or pique

                                                                   his panick surprised him

he reasoned that afterwards while standing in a hot shower letting ribbons of water sinuously overwhelm him                                                                    

he wasnt feeling well
rendered by the hard black rubber-souled boots of pain that kicked the ornate whitewashed baseboard scuffed and marred the handsome tiled and linoleum floors

his pain and panick made for the deep grunts and groans that spasmed in his mouth You whore! You piece of shit! Gawddamn!

he didnt know how he saw it
out of the corner of his eye
a daddylonglegs caught up and desperate in the splash and roil of water coming out the bathtub spigot 

it precipitating an existential moment

but he unable to stoop and snatch it to safety with his hand because he was stove up his joints ratcheted his pitiful tendons and muscles inflexible

its thin legs were inarticulate on the boil and bubbles
its body the size of an appleseed no more than a few pieces of pinched pill off blackened fabric

then suddenly so quickly this small life seemed overwhelmed and conceded capitulated brought it legs in together assumed a mammalian fetal position
of abject submission

he saw but he couldnt snatch the longhandled shower body brush


he finally freed it from where it hung by a hook on the wall from its looped cord and dipped its bristles to the water between the spider and the gurgling drain

he had imagined like Velcro the spiders legs would get caught up on its bristles 

he lifted it to safety

he carefully closed the toilet lid and landed the brush on its back

the spider origami beaded with impossibly tiny water beads did not move  IN  HIS  PANICK  HE  THOUGHT  HE  KILLED  IT  but then he assessed No the aerated water not-yet-hot the bubbled surface No

painfully he leaned forward and gently bumped it with the end of his pinkie

the black origami moved slightly

it was alive

it was in a good moment a brief moment of selfanesthetised homeostasis

finally
      in the shower his eyes closed their yearning ceased the mydriasis blown pupils abated the hot water redemptive to a point he repeated in his minds eye the daddylonglegs negative panick

Huh  made sense to him    Now

it was likely he wouldnt have considered any aspect of it unless he had almost killed another earthling

        

0709,  Friday,  27  5. 16