he poured himself a cup of black
coffee into a white-enameled tin cup a
buffalo moving right was painted on it
his wife gave it to him as a giftanything buffalo was gold to him
she was gone now
the religious are welcome their
fantasiestheir Heavenfunny
they hardly ever mention Hell not until they provoke himhe tells them hes an
atheista humanist then they say hes
going to Hell
anything
Heaven was gold to them
what he understood was was that she
was gone
she believed in green pastures
still waters
he was grateful she kept that to
herself
it would have been just another
wedge driven between theman he understood wedges he was a finish carpenter long
enough to understand an appreciate their value
she was gone
his sister called late last nightthat telephone call one would prefer not to answer his heart hiccupped his legs involuntarily kicked off the sheet an blanket an went to the floor dragging him with themthe rare times when legs drag anyone they made off down the hall because no one calls that late to ask you how youre doingtheyre fine an dandy the requisite telephone call you cant humanely ignorehe wondered why telemarketers hadnt encroachedhad yet entered that terroritory theyd get their pickup what would they care if they were calleddeclared Damn youyou soullessness niggardly turd there wasnt evidence for a thing called a soul
it was another bright shining
religious fantasy
before he could make it from his
bedroomdown the hall to the studyhis daughters recorded message he didnt want
the machine ended
he heard his sister say Hello Joe
. .
. . Im hereIm here baby Whats up
SorryI .. . I didnt mean to call
so late
Its later where youre at
It is
he thought she would say
something more How can I help
Your brothers dyingI talked to
him tonight
Our brother is dying An only
if you dont believe his doctors cant help him
Hesdying
Honey I dont mean to be trite or demeaning were all dying Living things die
Hesdying If you want to see him before he dies you
better come soon
He told you thathe told you he
was dying an if you wanted to see him you better come now
Hesdying
You havent spoken to him in how
many years sixseven not since you were first
diagnosed with breast cancer
Yes
Yes
An then tonight out of the blue you called him
Hes dying
He told you he was dying an that
you better come if you wanted to see him before he died
No he didnt say that
No I didnt think so
I dont think he would say so
No
Not while hes undergoing immunotherapy
chemotherapy fighting for his lifeNO he wouldnt
If it were me I wouldnt either Im
fighting cancer an fighting is a frame of mind I dont need to tell you thatyou
understand that Youre fighting your
cancerbeen fighting them the last six years
Dont you think he can fight as long
Lung cancer is a prominent cancerits been banged on hard for a long
time Dont you think researchers an
doctors have a better understanding of it now than theyve had in the past Youve committed to their therapies for your
breast and ovarian cancers
Hes dying Joe You better prepare yourself
he sighedThere is no preparation
for death I aint entertaining any
vibes contrary to his or your survival Comon sweetheart its late It sounds as if you didnt do any of the things
you told me earlier you were going to do
Youre under stress an you have to try to minimise that stress the best
you canif you can This kind of talk
isnt helping you
I can hear it in your voice
I can hear it in your voice
No its not
Thank you for saying so
Yes
Please now hang up an get some restyou need your restyou
need to put his illness down an concentrate on yours Please
be selfish I want you to be selfish for yourself You cant help him He cant help you Be positive for yourself first Then you can be positive for himif you have any
left over
Im really tired
I cant imagine how tired you must be
Please Sleep Goodnight honey I love you
Ill try I love you too Goodnight
1126, Thursday – Pearl Harbor, 7 12.
17
with an attendant sprinkle of fairy dust
an votivecandles splaying flicking coloured light on ones face:
The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in
green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he
leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though I
walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff
they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies:
thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy
shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the
LORD forever. Amen.
