the heroin made her think she was going to die

he looked her hard in the eyes

                                Talking from experience baby Youre seeing weird shit Remember its the heroin Its not thereYoure here with me Im with you  Youre safe   Youre in a safe place

Im not going anywhere I wouldnt be anywhere else in the world

she panted high in her chest

she sputtered she could handle it

he held her hand

he had his doubts

she paid a steep price for the pop

she poked a virgin vein

her eyes darted wildly about the room

                                       Comon stay with me Pleasant thoughts baby keep your head  Quiet   Calm Nothing but calm cool thoughts kiddo  See  and  feel  good things

he was a nice guy  

                  had always been a nice guy to her a friend   he wouldnt do anything to cross their friendship

shed been saying she wanted to try it

he put her off

she let herself be put off

he thought he talked some sense into her head

                                                but she wanted to try it 

she found itgot raked over the coals

he could have got her a better pricesent her in the right direction  her decision

he wasnt going to turn her on

hed help with the paraphernalia the cook

but he wasnt going to turn her on

the ways her eyes went around the room spooked him

he looked over his shoulder more than once expecting something to be therehave materialised

but she was quiet contained   though frightened

if he was a betting man hedve bet on this

a bad trip tends to disincentivise

he tried he tried hard  subtly

he understood her

she learned by doing

he was happy that she came to him to get high 

                                                 very happy

hed be her safe haven until she got back

                                           unfortunately scratching at the back of his skull like a feral cat at a wood post was another woman he knew who he tried to dissuade who ODed who stayed away from him because he did I can’t trust you. You can trust me You don’t want me to do it. I dont want you to do it I . think it will trouble you I wanna do it. You can’t stop me. No . I cant

No . I cant

No . I cant

            that hurt years ago still goes deep 

the bruise wont lessen if ever until he leaves the city

2130,  Sunday,  23  2. 20

1216,  Saturday,  29  8. 20

she had an imaginative mind

sometimes it took her places she didnt want to go but she went anyway

which isnt to say that she couldnt turn her mind away set off in another direction

if telling stories to entertain her little sisters and brothers hadnt fallen to her

                                                                                maybe she would have struggled

if any one of the used stationwagons her father bought to tow the family around had workable radios in them

                                                                                                                    maybe she would have struggled

she had an inkling her father used the broken radios as leverage to drive down the price

with every broken car radio

with every weekend visit across state lines

with every late departure returning home

Dad caffeinated

shots and beers suppressed

she became the radio  the entertainment

the kids piled into the wagon and snuggled up together

Mom and Dad sat in the dark on the benchseat her mother would slide over and rest her head on her fathers shoulder

maybe thats what they looked like when they were dating when he took her home or they watched a Drive-In movie

no sooner had the car pulled onto the road off the crushed stone drive her father would say 

                                                                                                Whadayasay, Millie? Tell us a story? like clockwork

What would you like to hear? A nice story, a scary one; a love story?

Millie loved to tell stories impossible stories

                                                her characters were always animals

she loved love stories

when she was older high school later in college she solicited love letters for five dollars apiece for stupid boys who spuriously had jeopardised their relationships

with their particulars known she crafted them and the boys rewrote in their own hand

she wrote them their love story

                                 and sometimes the boy reading itreading it to make sure he could read her handwriting broke into tears 

                  that was her favourite part

she liked to make boys cry

2042,  Sunday,  23  2. 20

1104,  Saturday,  29  8. 20

10cc  I’m Not in Love  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PC2HkP5gR2g

Rest in Peace  R I P
                     thats a crock of shit                        

that aint peace

yare dead

           

               peace and death are not synonymous

yawanna say piece and death

                               then mebbe were talking

                                                               but certainly not peace

death finds us all

                   an terribly unfortunately  not always peaceably

war

murder

         hmm theres a difference  although the State might insist there isnt

accidents

illnesses

suicides

peace and death

                   mebbe for an entitled old man or woman living well in their house who dies in their sleephe could buy into that
           though that will probably happen fewer an furthur apart than we might think in the future

1852,  Sunday,  23  2. 20

2201, Reggae Friday,  28  2. 20