he reminded her that his compassion was hard won

You keep saying so.

I do  because unconditionally you dole out your compass . . 

. . You think compassion has conditions?   it was nearly a snarl

It should  it should because the people who have secured your unblinkingyour unquestioning compassion arent worth it Theyre using you And not that I havent said this before to you about them 

                                                                                   Theyre  snakes 

That’s cruel.

To whom

To them, and to me . . 

. . Stop Yare like your mother You fall over yourself to help someone reflexively  without thought without questioning the circumstances yare so willing to aid

her eyes were wet   she glared

This conversation is not new You knew this about me when we dated You knew this when I asked you to marry me  Not new

 

Compassion We either have it or we dont I do  but at the price of knowing why I should be compassionate

Tryin to cultivate it I think thats appropriate cultivate it it is not an innate quality for me anwhile I may be improved exhibiting it an indignation hangs  a stain colours it

Donya think a shallow compassion is treacherous

Compassion Latin  To suffer with

 

Am I making any sense We havent gone into this this deep before

It is my compassion; and I will use it as I see fit.

Anyado Ive never tried to limit it you Yare upset is that Im not elbows an knees in it with you Thats not questioning you I accept you as you Im asking that you accept me who you knew me to be  as me

Why . . .

Please A shallow compassion I would eventually resent whoever because I didnt need to suffer their pains I chose to An choosing I can as easily choose to turn my eye away ignore them cease my discomfort 

Shallow compassion doesnt work 

When mine is earned Im all in 

Out of hand  out of hand   the only compassion Im willing to dispense without conditions though conditions are implied is for you and the children

Everyone else can bark up a tree without attesting first why they should deserve mine

 

the hastily constructed dam broke tears dribbled out of her eyes 

                                                                     she didnt sob 

I thought that you, you might see, one day, the error of your ways.

he didnt say 

            he thought  she was religious her parents were elders in the Presbyterian Church you worship a God who is Remote youve let Him snuff the godlike Nature which is inherently yours 

                                                                             unfortunately  not a discussion

 

1315,  Friday,  24  1. 92

1511,  Monday,  1  3. 21

Do as I say, not as I do (because I’m not telling you what I did).  says the orange Dear Leader to his loyal followers

https://www.businessinsider.com/trump-got-the-covid-19-vaccine-at-the-white-house-in-january-2021-3

Trump virus has killed 517,000 Americans

2001,  Monday,  1  3. 21

https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow/watch/trump-kept-january-vaccination-a-secret-let-supporters-go-astray-on-covid-science-101813317650?cid=eml_mra_20210302

he found himself doing something he doubted few people did

if they were in cars they were screwed 

they werent competition

                          not with him

he owned it 

            anif someone tried to step inbetween him and it take it from him theyd find their hands full

 

he walked with hawks they accompanied him overhead 

somehow he knew they were therehe lookedup out of the book he was reading 

                                                                                  bold as brass

hed always been keen to their cries but today they were soundless somehowsomeway he was keen to their wings slicing the high silverblue currents they soared on 

                                                          Whasat 

then lookingup he found one   then another 

twos   once threes 

he was gratefultheyd never how much 

                                   but then he maybe thought they wouldthat they were cognizantthey were on a mission his daughter divined 

she admired them as much as he

                                  MORE

they were her totem

his were buffalo  though on rare occasions hawks might have outtouched them

his earthiness demanded buffalo 

                                    however  sometimessomething  ethereal   airy    a hawk 

she was tickled to know that about him

knowing at once his tendency to brusqueness

then that he could have a light lovelyeffervescent touch

 

he walked with hawks the entire time he was out

they looked over his shoulder as he read 

                                            laughed at him when he walked backwards through an intersection  drivers irritated  honking their car horns 

                                   Fuck em HUH

in California  a pedestrian  in broad daylight  knock him down hed be up and through the windshield eating their eyeballs he wasnt someone to underestimate trifle with he was a buffalo of abundant readied violence constantly sounding in his ears running in his veins  slippery   like a hawk slicing through the sky

                                                                                               1824,  Sunday,  28  2. 21 

                                                                                                1024,  Monday,  1  3. 21