he hadnt meant it to happen  excuse  reason  she pouted her mouth formed exquisitely  her lips begged kissing or that they took a deliciously kissable shape

                                             without pausehesitation he leaned in his hands firmly at her shoulders and kissed her 

she kissed back

kissing her he pulled her closer  his right hand at her firm full left breast his left hand droppingcupping her asspulling her against him his cock aroused

she felt it against her belly

her hand went to his cock

they rocked the bottles on the shelf he leaned her against 

the tickling of the glasstheir fragility begged them begged them to dare he kissed her again harder their tongues twining his hand inside her bra her hand inside his pants her nipple peaked his cock hard

what had they gotten themselves into

he didnt care

then as abrupt they broke their clinch

they panted blew heavy breaths in each others face

wordless

     

           then he said I wanna to fuck you

I wanna suck your cock 

I wanna finger suck your pussy

then suddenly

                in the store aisle

she dropped to her knees

unbuttoned his jeans

took his cock in her mouth

he took her head by her hairher halo of ginger hair and thrusted thrustedthrusted burying his cock in her throat

she didnt gag

she looked up to his eyes

her eyes tearing

her clincher  she wouldnt relent 

he knew he wanted her otherwise elsewhere

he wanted to explore her asif she was another planet 

he pulled her off his cock by her hair

she gurgled What? 

Stop

     Where can we meet tonight

he helped her to her feet reluctantly shoved his hard-on into his pants buttoning them 

                                                                                          suddenly asif out of a daze she recognised unapologetically where they were  My place she growled

he kissed her hard

                     her hand went to his crotch again

My place I wanna fuck you blind

I wanna turn you inside out he said huskily

and despite their magnetic attraction they pulled themselves apart

they straightened out their clothes 

at the counter she bought a 6-pak of Smith & Forge Strong cider 

as he rang her up she wrote her address on a errant receipt someone left on the counter

as she paid him Tonight?

Off at tenthirty Tonight

Had a Smith & Forge? 

Never have

I’d be happy to share.

Katie Im look forward to sharing

Me too.

she left 

she never looked over her shoulder at him

he liked her confidenceliked that she knew he watched her walk out

tenthirty wouldnt come soon enough

hed follow his cock to her  

like a compass 

pointing True North

1441,  Saturday,  17  8. 19

The Kinks  Lola  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LemG0cvc4oU 
Dusty Springfield  Spooky  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f7QzxYAjgNc 
Janis Ian  From Me to You  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WqQ_1xs2uVA

Now  thats the one way to get inside ones head 

                                                    read about a suicide attempt he didnt think anyone who was serious about suicide would fail his wife didnt she knocked it out of the park

as did his best friend

it hurt terribly

it still hurts

but it was their lives

                      their lives to do with as they wished

our lives are the only things we truly possess

he told them that he wanted what they wanted  that is his ideal of love

wanting for them unselfishly perhaps is what they needed

it still hurts

             but he understoodhe understood that suicide is not selfish

selfish are those who blame the dead for the pain their suicide caused them 

How dare they! was his thought

Think

       think of the decision to kill oneself self annihilation the couragetruly to die well die but to die by ones own hands

death-by-cop  he believed that was cowardly provoking them to kill you

                                                                             although in it he could see too it was just another mechanism

however 

          if you want to die you ought to assume entirely the responsibility  suicide isnt something to be spread around delegated

the article he read of suicide informed him of the putamen inside his skull hed never heard the word before although in Miami  Cuban he heard of word puta he heard it uttered at some of the blackhaired brownskinned beauties he dated by Cuban men who obviously didnt like that he was dating them

curiously they accosted the women rather than provoke him cheap machismo

Puta like the hiss of a snake

Whats that about Puta

Nothing, he’s a pig. I wouldn’t see him.

putamen "meaning nutshell is a round structure located at the base of the forebrain telencephalon the putamen and caudate nucleus together form the dorsal striatum  it is also one of the structures that comprise the basal nuclei

the basal nucleibasal ganglia are collections of subcortical nuclei gray matter in each hemisphere that help regulate voluntary movements that are selected planned and executed elsewhere in the brain"

he assumed voluntary meant those actions he voluntarily made

it was his brainhis decision not the basal nuclei or basal ganglias decision  

seemed by such description that they could be scapegoated he could be minimised

damn if he was going to be minimised

                                         though he saw the benefit perhaps a familial benefit  to accuse a collective of neurons rather than the wife daughter husband son sister brother mother father

                                                                                     rather than accept their decision their remarkably difficult brave decision

he never conceived of suicide

and not doing so 

not of that mindset

he was ignorant

and he would be ignorant if he possessedassumed their process because he wouldnt go there

his wife told him Imagine. I know you have a fertile imagination. Imagine my pain.

he told her that he couldnt he couldnt go there because Life was everything to him Life was a drug Life was a gift given day by day  he relished it

You’re a fool.

she was breathtaking 

                          No Its my philosophymy headstrong belief

Belief? You don’t believe in God, you don’t believe in religion. How can you talk of belief?

No Youve known that since we started dating Your belief and my belief have always been at odds Are you saying now that were incompatible that perhaps youre realising that now

Ive never lied to you

Have you lied to me

I prefer to believe you have not

For if you have its to your detriment  

Not mine

You’re very cruel.

No I have always been honest with you 

Brutally honest.

Yes if you would  brutally honest Ive been no guesswork 

Ive always told you exactly what I thought Always

I haven’t always liked what you said.

But thats the point of communication 

Were two different people two different people who love one another 

Marriage doesnt change us

Did you think I was going to change

I hoped you’d change.

Baby  I love you for who you are I never thought to remake you  Im terribly sorry if Ive disappointed you Im only who I am

1148,  Saturday,  17  8. 18

https://thewalrus.ca/the-truth-about-wanting-to-die/ 

The Who  The Real Me  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R5z0MuKxfZc