November 1 Bobby will be dead for
24 years he hoped over his time of living
Bobbys eternal energy might have occasion to assemble and look at his
choices approvinglynot as an arbiter Bobby didnt have that much on the ballchutzpah when he was alive no knock no just
taking a peak a looksee whatever is
allowedkosher for such a materialisation
he knew a bit about it
three materialisations were living with him
however since his girlfriend had
gone to care for her soulsucking motherher brothers steering wide remaining
farflung of their maternal clusterfuck scathinghuh his roommates werent spending much time at
the housein their defense had he been
able to materialise an dematerialise he
might not spend as much time with himself either
she was really something to
behold
her absence was LOUD an
oppressive
but hearts can be like thatwindy
echochambers built inside us heaving resonating
reminding us when we dont need to be remindedhe didnt he knew every day away from her what he was
missing though he was a realist too sometimes too real he predicted this time many times while they
lived together for years 24/7 Be
mindful he warned warning
himself as much It aint always going to be like
this so lets really dig it while we canwhile we have it
they did
24 years Bobby has mouldered in a
grave
he says a gravenot his grave because
he wasnt sure Bobby wanted to be buried his parents picked up the funeral
tab for his wife and son
his parents were ridden with
guilt they denied Bobby so much while he was growing up sure that they were going to die before him he had to be able to negotiate lifes difficult straits without them
they made his life more difficult than it needed to be
his disabilities werent that traumatic
his parents traumatised him more than ever his birth polio did
Bobby painstakingly his pain exited
stage door left
he left them holding
their considerable and extensive baggage
the funeral costs werent going to assuage that it wasnt going to cut itnot the funeral home Bobbys embalming the viewingWhaddafuck before he was revealed to mourners at the wake
his parents asked him if he would come early and wha critique Bobbys
corpse good thing Bobby was gone What the fuck are you kiddin me the funeral director was righteous and appalled hed been preparing bodies for more years than
hed been alive he was an EXPERT
Hey man my friend Bobby wasnt a clown
or a drag queenLose the makeup youve caked his face with I dont recognise him he
turned to Bobbys parents You recognise your boy
his parents copped the plot the
vault the highend casket the luncheon
afterwards
he had several highend whiskeys
on their tab after he stayed on alone to witness Bobby being committed to the
earth by a fucking backhoe
the funeral director wasnt happy
with him and tried to move him alongtaking him at the elbow
Yawanna keep your hand
It is not procedureor even civil that
I allow a mourner to compound their grief and witness a loved ones interment .
.
.
. Ya got something to hide
No. Of course not.
Then step asidewalk away As agreed Bobby called me I came Im not leaving him now Particularly
now
smart the director let go of his elbow he stepped asideseveral steps then stood respectfully like a dogthe wellpaid dog he was
after the backhoe operator gently
compressed the soil atop the grave and rolled back he knelt
he scooped a handful of soil kissed it
then pressed into the earth above where Bobbys face might be below Well Bobby we enter a new phase of our relationship
it was his job now to talk about himshare his stories
Bobby wouldnt be deadnone of us
will be until were no longer talked
about
hed shaddup when he was dead
he never had a chance to share
Big Head Todd and the Monsters Circle with Bobby
he heard it only after he left the
hospital 4AM on the car radio after Bobby died of suffocationamazing what morphine can do
he hoped Bobby dug on some
whacked out visions
at the time he was thinking Im with ya brother
1250, Friday,
4 5. 18
1109, Saturday,
5 5. 18
