taking some time off for indecent behavior

post again Monday April 7

theorized

there was a time I devised  really  a bangup watertight dyed-in-blood theory

I dont remember now what it was about

not a fucking clue

but it seemed that night that

deep blue night in the Fall in the Bitterroots lit

by the cold glow from an ivory moon

lazing through cracked windowpanes wood sash no curtains

and strafed by raggedy clouds

I did

that night I figured it all out in pencil

a gnawed yellow nub I fingered with my left

smoking Camel straights with my right

and  yah  with the smell of Jack Daniels in the dirty glass tumbler before me

I theorized

resplendent

rational

methodical

like a proof in Geometry

hypothesis antecedent consequent theorem

A goes onto B goes onto C goes onto D

Bulletproof

Concrete

Seamless

or it seemed that night that deep blue night in the Fall in the Bitterroots

I got hustled out of my room before the sun rose

yanked out from the chair where Id fallen asleep

for not paying what I owed for better than a week

though not without warning without due warning 

fucking passkeys

I thought Id stolen every one they had hanging behind the front desk for my room

so it seemed

I thought I was pretty clever

well

that family had been doing business there for better than a generation

I suppose you get your head around things in a generation

around deadbeats with master keys held elsewhere

three big white boys sharing a brain between them swept in and swept me out

they rifled my duffel bag and tossed it out onto the street after me

it laid crumpled at my boot heels

the sorry bastards even kept the half pack of Camels I hadnt smoked

and yea they kept my scribbled and smudged much-thought-through theory

might have been in lieu of payment or coercion to squeeze me for money later

either made me laugh raucously because it was mine in my head I owned it

I thought I owed it

I thought I had it fire branded and knife etched inside my skull

but try as I may to summons it regurgitate it all I got was bile

I got sick trying to remember it

and to recover from my reversal I had to forget

I forgot it so hard that even when I finally moneyed up logging I didnt go back

it was a sweet clean coherent theory

spun like a spider spins a web

and evidently like a spider when it abandons its web

I went on along my way without giving it another thought

0202,  Twosday,  9  10. 12