sometimes it waylaid him pressed
himdepressed him caught him unawares despite him knowing it was just outside the
window
it
was never going away
the Chapel of Roses
Chapel of Heartbreak
Crematorium
an austere white room
it didnt gag when her body
contained within a coffin liner was slipped deep in its throat
a firm hand at his shoulder May we begin
begin he thought begin the end begin erasing
her mortal presence
he appreciated the director handhis
calm attention
he cleared his throat of
nothingnothing at all Yes
he upset his family
they urged him not to attend her
cremation Its not your place
no it wasnt their place their pale
faces were pain-ted a despondent hue of gruesome
odd he thought the same people who could stand close enough
to a graves edge and earth crumbled into it fell onto the coffin fell on the
ivory and coloured flower petals
they were pushed away apparently by the clinicalness of the oven
a graves natural isnt it
it was outofdoors
outofdoors is where you buried your
beloved pets wasnt it
cremation was ungodly
forgetting they werent godly
they were familiar only with
wedding baptism and funereal passages
if he had his way he would have
built a funeral pyre
thousands and thousands of years
of funeral pyres
outlawed
unsanitary
as if fire wasnt cleansing
death is monetised
the firm hand at his shoulder wasnt
making what it could have but at least was
grateful to have what it could
the rollers were quiet
their squeal would have been
distracting
the pneumatic door descended
silently
a faint click as it locked in
place
when the assistant began the gasflames
the retort became animated hummed
there were no windows to witness
the conflagration her consumption
he could take her no furthur
no dirt would crumble onto her
he cleared his throat again of
nothing and briskly turned to the director
their eyes meet
hed cried all his tears
Thank you for your kindness your
gentleness My family and I are very
pleased
Youre welcome
they shook hands
walking out of the sparse white
room he could feel her subdued humming song on his head shoulders on his back
sometimes while he lifted on the
leg extension machine
it was positioned before a window
through which he could see the parking lot and a corner of the Chapel of Roses
and Crematorium
he could hear and feel her
humming again
most of the time he could
sublimate itpush it down
sometimes it weighted on him too
much he couldnt
fifteen years later tears
came
he only thought then that he cried
all his tears
December, 2017
Cream White Room
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pkae0-TgrRU
