1457 days remaining or less
he tried to convince her that
everything was better in the sunYouve heard sunlight is the best
disinfectant
she didnt say
Eventually it erases everythinganything that causes you distress
she listenedhe assumed
For example he said body shaming her breath caughtshe was listening
You have a lovely body Beautiful
And you know how desperately I want to experience you in the light of
day And we know that shyness isnt one of your
attributes If anyone is forthcoming in your face
its you
Youre brave
You have a stoic mind
Youre not one who usually is easily swayed or
manipulated
So whats the hubbub bub
she
burst out laughing tickled by his remark(perhaps her solemnity eroding) then she laughed demurely though sustained then she insisted My dislike or reticence if you would of exposing my body to
you is thatI would be less embarrassed if I was in better shape Perhaps in shape then Id feel more inclined to have you see me
in the light of day
he was failing again
he could never get across to her
have her buy into her beauty her loveliness how her inner beauty informed her
overall beauty informed his forever aching-desire for her like a child after
candy not ever
no not ever
and as they slipped apart as
their love became less and less a bond I
love you words not love
he anguished that she would never see herself as he saw her anguished that
she limited herself and those limitations were wholly hers inveighed by her
impressions by the derelict upbringing and loathing she suffered at her mothers feet a mother who always sought more for herself than her daughter inflicted on her a perverse mothering
and that repression and violation
went deeper deeper than her intellect a
seemingly impermeable stain
if she couldnt love herself how could she love him or anyone
he couldnt hurt over her any more
his body was resistant to
pain
unfortunately his heart wasnt
that archaic line and truth
occurred to him You can lead a horse to
water but you cant make it drink
he couldnt strangle it
his intentions were plain he never minced words
he was understanding that her mind and heart
werent capable of shaking the leash or harness she pulled in all her life its
labor wasnt something she could put down she could violate
(he never said she was
mind-fucked)
he wouldnt be able to pursue her sunlight
without her
1324, Monday,
16 1. 17
1025, Twosday,
17 1. 17
