She wasnt confused
certainly not confused as many
people thought she was -- looking In from Outside utterly irrespective
that she wasnt a mirror of their reflections
judging them and their lives as readily and haplessly as they judged her
somehow entitled or befit to assume whatever they wished and then rear back on quivering haunch
somehow entitled or befit to assume whatever they wished and then rear back on quivering haunch
braying aloud their
pronouncements
No she wasnt confused
she often overheard these people
talking sharing their travels and those experiences
they had gone There and There and
There
and Then -- Well itd
be foolish to pass by -- Wed never make a separate trip some other
time --
No we didnt think theyd be worthwhile onto themselves --
they also went There There and There and were glad they did
How wonderful! she truly thought that for them
she imagined how good it must be
to let your hair down travel seek out exciting new places attain different perspectives perhaps realise new perceptions
How very refreshing! No!
Invigorating!
she imagined those trips had to
be like warm bottles of soda pop and shaking shaking shaking them violently then prying off their caps and they explode
and the gush and spray the froth Everywhere!
and Everything within its radius bespeckled and tickled sticky sweet
Really How wonderful!
Someday she was going to do that
too
she was definitely going to do that
she was definitely going to do that
Someday
Yes someday she was going to be altered healed and
go out into life like a shaken bottle of soda pop
and Explode!
leaving bits and pieces of
herself everywhere
sticky
reminding anyone and everyone she
had been there
shed travel too . . . yes . .
travel
travel
She and they were utterly
different she thought
so very near
yet so far apart
literally she was immediately before them
so very near
yet so far apart
literally she was immediately before them
her travails
their travels
in every dictionary she ever
picked up she hoped to find one where their printing the fonts they used or their format
might have separated the two into different columns hopeful for at least that
might have separated the two into different columns hopeful for at least that
or
a new word created to simply wedge between them
not yet
she hadnt found that dictionary
yet
travail
travel
travel
she suffered her travails through
no fault of her own
Yes yes I know I know
Yes yes I know I know
her friend teased her
relentlessly You should have taken the
time to better choose your parents
he offered her that her challenges were nothing she did to herself or could have stopped anywhere along the line
They were out of your control . . . baked in the cake . . . got to play the cards youre dealt
he offered her that her challenges were nothing she did to herself or could have stopped anywhere along the line
They were out of your control . . . baked in the cake . . . got to play the cards youre dealt
Those miserable fucking aphorisms
she wanted to tell him to try them on for size
but whenever their conversations went that way their endless bleak happy ridiculous informative fantastic arguing debating agreeing preaching-to-the-choir conversations he invariably compassionately said it was shit
said it was miserable
said he wished he could change it for her
I am sorry because I really dont know what its like I dont know what its like Ive been very fortunate my health has always been very good
I am grateful I can say that and I try my level best never never to
take it for granted
so she couldnt tell him to try it
on for size
but those who looked In from
Outside
who told her she ought to be grateful play the cards she was dealt
who were dealt flushes straights and full houses when the HAholy cards she peered into were occasionally a King high
she couldnt bluff as originally she could because her reputation now preceded her and everyone clamoured to get in on her table because their odds improve they didnt have to concern themselves with a damn thing she might hold
who told her she ought to be grateful play the cards she was dealt
who were dealt flushes straights and full houses when the HAholy cards she peered into were occasionally a King high
she couldnt bluff as originally she could because her reputation now preceded her and everyone clamoured to get in on her table because their odds improve they didnt have to concern themselves with a damn thing she might hold
she wanted to ask them if they
wanted to change places
they wouldnt
she wanted to tell them if she could swap places with them she glared I would
they wouldnt
she wanted to tell them if she could swap places with them she glared I would
damn right she would
after all this time passed she wouldnt think twice
let someone else drag their carcass around behind everyone elses heels for a while
enjoy the taste of Humble Pie
after all this time passed she wouldnt think twice
let someone else drag their carcass around behind everyone elses heels for a while
enjoy the taste of Humble Pie
try and enjoy
travail . . .
travel . . . travail . . . is a big wood crate laying in the middle of an exercise yard youre stuffed into for punishment and forced to endure the sun the cold the rain anything the elements throw at you or the skin robes used in Oaklands prison during Londons time the robes soaked in a tub of fetid water spread down on a dirt floor in an underground cell and youre wrapped in them your chest stomped on by guards who used it as leverage to lace up the robes around you
then they leave you alone to endure the robe as it dries slowly tightens up slowly tightens up around you constricting distorting breaking bones
travel . . . travail . . . is a big wood crate laying in the middle of an exercise yard youre stuffed into for punishment and forced to endure the sun the cold the rain anything the elements throw at you or the skin robes used in Oaklands prison during Londons time the robes soaked in a tub of fetid water spread down on a dirt floor in an underground cell and youre wrapped in them your chest stomped on by guards who used it as leverage to lace up the robes around you
then they leave you alone to endure the robe as it dries slowly tightens up slowly tightens up around you constricting distorting breaking bones
sadistic
in the box
rolled in skin
confined
youre going nowhere
but to survive you gotta go somewhere
rolled in skin
confined
youre going nowhere
but to survive you gotta go somewhere
she wasnt confused
If I asked you to swap my
travails for your travels
You wouldnt
I would
Mebbe your wont my cant says something about us
You wouldnt
I would
Mebbe your wont my cant says something about us
Mebbe you ought to show a little
gratitude acknowledge your entitlement and
very quietly leave me to my travails
that you couldnt wrap your head around if you tried
that you couldnt wrap your head around if you tried
1059, Reggae Friday, 6 3.
15
0847, Saturday, 7 3. 15
0847, Saturday, 7 3. 15
