ifya got moxie  confidence    ifya got balls 

                                                              shoot from the hip

if not

ifya have doubts

keep the gun in yer holster 

things will only go from bad to worse aint a soul gonna have yer back theyll be busy covering their asses faking they didnt knowhadnt hearddidnt see

but as long as you know and recognise thatknow it emphatically  know youre alone

come out of yer corner swinging

chances are the cunts havent thrown a punch in their lives an don wan their pretty faces messed up

the vanity of a puss 

                    but unfortunately pusses have to trade on their lookscant afford a cut a bruise a blackeye  they want to present themselves as above the fray – which theyve usually created – that they are untouchable  impervious

Yah  Perverts

he entered swinging 

                    calling it a battle royale  knocking people down and out or until they stayed downdidnt get up didnt want to get hit again

he was incentivised to stay on his feet 

                                       they were the kind who would kick or stomp if you went down    

 

while he couldnt waitcouldnt wait for the day when that wasnt true in the meantime hed provoke and hit and have them know Nothings just business 

                                         It was personal  

 

0037,  Saturday,  3  10. 20

1336,  Saturday,  3  10. 20

 

another alcoholic Sunday 

                           pro football Jack shots sipping black coffee  until plying beers at High Noon Coop never had it this good

donuts with the coffee

Sunday donuts 

                 only during the football season donuts didnt exist outside it unless he had to take his car in for work or an oil changehave his tires rotated

happily he was rotated far more frequently than his tires

 

a Cambodian woman owned the donut shop

she and her husband ran it and when their daughter and son were old enough they helped

Fon

when her children were babies she and her husband escaped the terror of Cambodia Vietnam they were boat people 

he saw the bodies televised on the six o’clock news when boats sank or overturned  overcrowded   people desperate to save themselves

Fon made it to America

they were grateful to live in America make a living running a donut shop  become citizens

he was born in America

what had he done 

he tipped more than the dozen or two dozen donuts depending he bought on Sunday morning for football Jack black coffee  

he was a sucker for Fons Bavarian custardfilled chocolatefrosted Bismark her powdersugared lemonfilled Bismark her plain buttermilk donut her plain blueberry donut

he had all day to eat them and everyone knew to stay clear of them on pain and punishment of his hands

nobody wanted to piss off a man whod been drunk since morning 

although he was always sober in Fons presence 

                                                 respecting what he would never dare ask her respecting her immigration her courage   and remembering keenly his Born in America entitlement 

                                                                             which he didnt take for granted  Ever

 

1144,  Sunday,  4  10. 20

The Bangles  Manic Monday  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SsmVgoXDq2w

 

he was bitchinghe couldnt remember a time he bitched more about not wanting to playhe loved playing

it was the game

there were softfoam letters fitted inside coloured softfoam pieces from which they had been cut-out  varying sizes upper- and lower-case the letters and their cut-outs had been the same colours but the colours somehow faded or were heightened or either letters or forms were missing some letters warped and werent allegiant to where they originated

the other children he was supposed to play with ran away bored  they left him to play by himself  utterly responsible for assembling corresponding pieces 

had he wanted to play he wouldnt have minded it even if it was difficult

but he wasnt asked

he was sat down with them asif children play nicely with other children because . . well . because they are children

hows that work out with adults

 

the little cunts got up and fled laughing 

                                         a knowing cruel laughter that takes no time at all to learn

they left him to pickup the game put everything back together after they punched out separated and scattered the pieces

he arrived late

he hadnt gotten to enjoy the dismemberment the flinging   the irresponsibleness

 

he was angry

 

the adults could make whatever excuses they wanted to try and mollify him

he wasnt going to be mollified 

                                 Where are the others  This is their mess to pickup

They’ve gone. It’s alright, we’ll help you.

Im not picking anything up

We’ll help you.

Im not

We’ll HELP YOU. beginning to lose their shit

 

I am not picking anything up

Part of this mess is yours. asif lowering their voices after raising their voices would be effective

Here we go again he thought 

                           Are you deaf  I am not picking up a thing

 

curious isnt it  how dreaming and living inform and enfold and weave and wind together and how stupid one could be if they ignored the other for the benefit of either 

 

2103,  Reggae Friday,  2  10. 20

1249,  Saturday,  3  10. 20