Helen (in toto)

--   Some women spite it

I know where theyre coming from  but from where I come from I dont care what they think

Chauvinist perhaps  Not a feminist wrong  Misogynist nah like an old coboy I once overheard say  I loves the weemins
I deeply do

                    But maybe his comment was an assurance that he was wellhung

--   So  Youre loquacious

--   Stomp on my foot Ill scream

--   Yeah ok  Ill happily take your coat

--   Great  I think I earned me a boy scout patch

--   Are you real

--   Me  Are you real  Youre the one who emerged from a wicked sea  I suppose well see if you make it to the car before your legs turn into a tail

 

and you fall flat on your face

Id help you up in a heartbeat you understand

--   For another boy scout patch

--   I think theyd make me an Eagle scout for catching a mermaid

--   Youre not holding your breath are you

--   No  I couldnt talk  excuse me  be loquacious if I was

her eyebrows jumped a tad bit higher than before

She likes me  he thought

Loquacious   He likes me  she thought

they made a dinner date for that evening  either for sunset or a sunset interrupted by storm

they were hoping for the storm

he returned home to work from his place

one of the few perks he finally managed to squeeze management for

logging on he was advised he was late  on-line or in-office  always attended by those miserable myopic snitches

he wondered if there wasnt a louse powder he could purchase and disperse and have them all choke to death

  

he knew who they were and they loved being known who they were  and for all their magickal powers  they imagined

Gamers

who he thought were unhinged  and suffering disabilities teamed by virtual prowess 

it was maddening not to be able to take them out back in the uncomfortably sterile alley behind the office and settle things in a manly way                                                                     

                                          and he was talking about the women

his male cohorts  he wouldnt dirty his hands on  their technological workplace smelled of hypermercury and disinfectant  craps still tucked up asses because regular bowel movements seemed a commodity only upper-grade employees enjoyed the protection of

there was talk at keeping him chained up at his desk  his supervisor  attempting supervision

he didnt need

he told him  You wanna keep me at my desk  Ill commit  Ill stay put sit tight and promise   you know me and my promises   and Ill shit in my wastebasket rather than use the corporate equality unisex toilet
You know Im a man of my word

his word went immediately upstairs on the shrill nervous voice of his supervisor

and while he wasnt called upstairs he could feel their eyes through the glass floors above his glass ceiling

They had a problem

                                 but their problem provided immaculate work and they made money off his labor

to their credit they recognised part of the problem was their supervisors angst and mental anguish
he supposed that why managers existed

                                                                        it was a visceral physical reaction

to be playing with chemicals at odds with one another

they tried keeping them in glass stoppered bottles on the shelf  side by side

perhaps now they saw the wisdom in not doing the same thing over and over again and expectingSurprise!
different results

a fast wisdom came down placing them not only in separate rooms      but miles apart

 

of course management cautioned him if his work suffered hed have to return to the office frequently

he replied he appreciated that they recognised the value of incentivising him

it probably would have been better received if he didnt smirk

but some smirks you just dont repressed

he copied the snitches on the completed data hed finished early  two evenings prior

ahead of schedule

Choke on that you miserable muthafuckers  came up out of the well of his body abruptly into the quiet room overlooking the choppy sea     

                                a beautiful silent complement

his work melted away and the alarm he set to shower for the night chimed unexpectedly

if he could figure out where Time goes whether he was having fun or not   hed be complete
Simple mortal youll not be granted that   Gawd often spoke through him

they were meeting to have dinner on the wharf  a straight-forward seafood place served on white stoneware platters  with flatware and big linen napkins to protect your lap and wipe your mouth at the same time

she said she preferred beer

if shed preferred wine before or with dinner hed have to drive further down the coast to meet her  a wellknown square place of trappings  though sensational seafood

he only knew of it by mistake

he soaped and showered

who knew what his hair was doing  hed given up on that  the spinoff was it contributed to his boyish good looks  he had more cowlicks than you could shake a stick at but he wasnt going to wear a buzzcut that would tame them  too many skinheads walking around these days that he had nothing in common with or whatever they thought their cropped heads or bald heads or tattoos said

a quick aerosol of stink  

                                       Stink  to this day it killed his mother to hear him refer to cologne as stink

Stink isnt smelling nice  You know that

Yeah but stink aint smelling like me either

Youre not in France

he didnt get that

not that she should know that because shed never been out of America

but he did catch a whiff of  the musk  off a Frenchman who was visiting a woman he knew and who threw a party for him to introduce him to all her friends

he got the broken-English Frenchman off to the side not to long into the party and asked him why he didnt shower before the party  You stink man

the Frenchman was offended

he was so offended by his remark that he told their hostess

and she was incensed with him  even more so than Frenchie  hed truly forgotten his name and he was good with names but the stink in his nose erased his name  struck an offset in his brainWOW

glaring at him she asked what the hell he thought he was doing

Doing  Trying to breath and not retch You cant smell that

she asked him to leave

 

he told her as he left  I hope your upholstery doesnt smell like that when hes gone

a quick aerosol of stink always run that loop through his head

he didnt regret running her through his head  they had had their time before the Frenchman and if she couldnt smell him then Frenchie might have an unforgettable time too

Better stop thinking like that  Youll be preoccupied with sex when you meet her  he said to himself as he walked

When am I not preoccupied by sex

a clip from the Big Lebowski looped in his head  Maude  Its a male myth about feminists that we hate sex  It can be a natural zesty enterprise

How can you not be preoccupied by a natural zesty enterprise

the storm blew itself out over the Pacific

a picturesque sunset was warming up  itd been nice to watch through a pint of Imperial IPA

the seafood house had an excellent selection of Northern California beers

he wondered who they killed to get the distribution

--   Youre so violent

--   Im violent  I was protecting you

--   You dont think I can protect myself

--   You wanted his hand on your tit  The expression on your face and eyes werent telling me that

--   You didnt give me a chance to stop him

--   You stood there You were shocked I did what comes natural to me

--   I dont like it

--   And you dont have to  Say thank you  Youre welcome  Ill not call you any more

another loop that played on occasion

he heard she went over to France after Frenchie returned there after a couple of months of living on her dime

walking towards the wharf  under the slip of his bemusement  he saw blue amber lights flickering like bugs before a screen of marbled tall clouds and the pinktinged sky

and sudden  awkward  beams  like drunken shooting stars

                                                                                                    just this side of the wharf

up from the heavy timbered span leading out towards the ocean where huge rocks were piled atop one another and made up a loose impressive seawall   the rocks the vertebrae  were brought down from the mountains spine that overlooked this swept of coast

the closer he got he could see the yellow police tape strung  a fragile barrier  at the top of the rocks where they began their descent towards the water 

 

officers kept onlookers at bay

traffic was snarled  taillights  the sweep of their headlights were becoming more pronounced

he didnt get there on his legs . . .

he found himself in midair

looking down on the waters surface where the rocks  bird spattered  took a deep breath and went underwater 

thin undulating cellophane   stretched over and containing what tomorrow mornings rags would pronounce  and the public would chew  then spit out and try their opinions their two-bits to anyone who would pay the slightest attention  anywhere

spewing  vying their fictitious accounts                                                                                           

                                                                 seeking to be primary to making of a bona fide chain on Facebook

looking down through stretched seal  her face only inches beneath the waters surface

petite silver bubbles of air at her eyelashes  her eyes open  staring back at him

her head gently rocking no  no   no

she wouldnt be meeting him for a beer  or dinner      ever

the police were oblivious to him

her head gently rocking no  no   no

there was no surprise or horror on her face   calm  a pale Kewpie doll  pursed lips  just so

looking up  unseeing  at him

she was wearing an expensive red bikini  fitted perfectly to her form  and wrapped in a tasteful black lace mesh kimono

he could see no injuries  bruises   hemorrhaging

she looked as if she laid down  nestled herself comfortably among the rocks   and let high tide sweep in  and up
and over her 

                            as night embedded the seashore

. . . as he left                 

                                                                           

the storm blew itself out over the Pacific

a picturesque sunset was warming up  itd be nice to watch it through a pint of Imperial IPA

his telephone rang as he stepped out of the shower

he answered it before it went to messages  but before he could say Hello
--   You really dont have a cellphone  You werent kidding me
  

--   Hey yeah   no cellphone

Why would I kid you

--   I didnt think you were that funny at the beach

--   I wasnt trying to be funny

--   But you come off funny  Funny ideas about how things  not  shouldnt    no  not shouldnt

but ought to be

As if you saw them that way    Not the way they are

You try to force things your way

--   Are you a shrink  You never said

--   You never asked  Youre still not asking  are you

--   Asking if youre a shrink

 

Not what you do  I see what you do I like what you do I like what I see

--   You do

--   I do  Almost swallowed my tongue  Aint seen anything like you since I saw Botticellis

The Birth of Venus  Ive only seen pictures of her  Venus    until to-day

--   Jesus

--   What

--   Thats an amazing line

--   Line

--   Are you truly likening me to Venus

--   If you were standing where I was standing this morning  unsuspecting    yes     Hair

The only difference I might suggest is that your breasts are   considerable larger     

not that I would bitch

--   You could notice   my breasts are larger

--   Sounds like youre familiar with the painting  Youd agree

--   I . . . Im  . . . Im not talking to you about my breasts over the telephone

--   At dinner then

--   Im not talking to you about my breasts at dinner either

--   Are you letting your breasts come between us   we just met

--   How did we get here

--   Between your breasts

--  That remark didnt sound innocent

--   Guilty as charged  You didnt have to come back home this morning and try not to think of your breasts and have work to do  detailed work

I was titillated a little pity for the peanut gallery huh

--   You did say  pea nut  gallery

--   What did you think I said

--   No  no   no

--   Youre gonna let something else come    between us arent you

--   I . . . I think Ive forgotten why I called

--   For what its worth

It sounds like you called to sexually harass me Which I find refreshing Usually guys are crude

I like that you jumped in feet first into the fray

                                                                              Im not adverse to a strong  agile  woman

who can stand with the best of em  Hell Im curious how I might have stood in that storm surge

this morning  beside you or at your feet

--

--   Pea nut gallery  Vaudeville

I may have blood ties to it  Someone in family may have turned a trick or two on one side or other of the bit

--   This is probably the reason why you dont have a cellphone  You couldnt talk in public like this

--   Oh no dont you tell me that  Youve heard the bullshit people talk in public  No filter  Like they and whoevers on the other side are the only two people in the world  Utterly unconscious oblivious to the people around them  as if they were deaf or spoke another language  Ugly Americans  Anywhere everywhere in the world

--   Probably true

--   Was it about dinner this evening

--   What

--   Dinner  Were you calling about dinner tonight

--   Shit Yes  Are you a mind reader too

--   I can read exactly what youre thinking  now

--   Save it buddy 

      

--   I like you calling me  buddy

--   Maybe if you remember what Im thinking about right now  at this moment  we can talk about it after dinner

--   For dessert

--   That was a little emphatic

--   I am emphatic

--   Im thinking nuts

--   I thought we were waiting for dessert  Tonight

--   Stop

--   Coitus interruptus  Latin  You speak Latin

Am I ducking a bullet

--   A bullet

Bullets

No

--   Im awfully hard to hit

--   Tonight

--   Yes tonight

--   Im running a little late  I am sorry well miss sunset

A half hour I think  Not too much more if a little longer

--   You want me to run up your way

--   No  Ive been wanting to eat at the wharf for some time  I cant talk my friends into eating there

--   Well  Now you have a new friend that you neednt talk into going  Ill be waiting for you

--   I am looking forward to this evening

Thank you

--   I am too

Soon

--   Yes  Soon

he very nearly stretched the coil out of the telephone cord

he hadnt notice the tension in the line and now  recognizing it  he was grateful it was anchored to the wall
 

looked like he was going to have to replace it  flaccid  listless 

                                                                                                        everything he wasnt

he returned the receiver to its cradle and wondered  no he didnt  he could wait without waiting

he had a few books he was reading  juggling back and forth between  hed towel off  throw on some shorts and burn that extra halfhour at playtime or nonfiction  something was always begging at his sleeve wanting him to pay attention to it

 

because of the construction of his mind he tried not to keep pets

thats why he had a cat

the cat didnt need him either

                        

they were a good fit

he split his time between a history and a scifi  they were eerily alike  twisted

they both irritated him

he was grateful then for the fresh air and walk to the wharf after he dressed

the air was fresh scrubbed  the onshore breeze was slightly seasoned with a mist of salt

he hadnt been to the restaurant in a while and couldnt flip through the menu in his head

they were successful at maintaining a few standards or favorites while experimenting with or exploiting their clienteles taste buds

hed eaten things there he doubted would have ever found their way into his mouth anywhere else

he crossed the seaside road and walked at its uneven shoulder beside the water

it was flat

tide was in  high

it looked like a vast black mirror  lights slipped sideways on it

along the wharf the sparse overhead lamps had bulletpointed doppelgangers   it looked like a runway tipped on its side or a gantry to launch canistered souls to the Far East  lesser souls  prisoners  dribbling off into Australia

a vast black mirror

 

he stood on it like ice . . .

looking down through it he saw her hands were quietly perched to her breasts                              

                                                                                                                                her hips

turned exquisitely  resting on her left  her right like a slice of the moon laced by red fabric

and hollowed warmly by a shadow running down her belly

there were no shadows on her face

her head was extended proudly back on her long neck like a perfect sculpture 

                                                                                                                                her eyes

untroubled  opened wide

her long hair wound in marl  coral  and sparse dull green weed

sandgrit shellbits and fishbone static  dusting her face  highlighting its lovely contours

the alarm was alarming

he was going to have to do something about it

hed been meaning to do something about it for as long as he had it

he wasnt going to do a damn thing about it

it was an alarm

it did its job

thats why he bought it

he groaned  got up out of bed  walked staggered  still sleepy  into the hallway towards the livingroom  scratching his balls pushing his cock aside as he did  a multitasker  confirming they were still there  tethered according to biology

every man every morning confirmed such details   lying if he said otherwise

that was an easy go-to to access someones honesty

another test of tribe  according to him  was the admission of doing drugs during the 70s

most of them had kids now and D.A.R.E.  I fucking dare ya  was breathing down their necks

it was amazing who lied and who wouldnt speak truth to Authority   or worse

to their own children

he turned wide wide circles escaping their peripheries and sticky spiderwebs

through the windows he never shuttered or hung curtains in  through his dull reflection

he watched a slender artery quiver at the horizon  laced above by a charcoal sky and black sea below

Fuck
          the storm hung back over the ocean

               

he could still get his swim in if he left pronto

A Lone fuckin Ranger                                                                                                                                                    Asshole  his wandering subconsciousness smarted  Tonto  not pronto prick

he hated when he corrected himself at a subliminal level
but he recognised it before he breathed a word to another human being   
kept the Tupperware party inside himself

he was okay with being chastised by something that was nothing without him

he doubled back to his bedroom threw on his swimsuit and wrapped himself in an old Mexican blanket the real deal handwoven when you could get them only by going into Mexico not a knockoff not cheaply made he bought it from woman who woven her heart and soul into it

he paid more than he had to she needed it more than he did

not very Free Market of him

returning to the livingroom at the front door he slipped into old shoes he didnt need to tie

like an old horse waiting on its rider

he went out the door leaving his place open  kept hoping someday hed return and find someone there

hed eat for weeks free

walking along the empty street it encouraged him that hed set the alarm with the evenings weather broadcast  if he wanted to make his swim at the usual time it would have been a bust  too treacherous  no sense tempting Ma Nature  she didnt play nice

Hell  she didnt play

the coffee shop was closed  reminded him 

tide wouldnt be in until this evening  there was no fret leaving his shoes and blanket in the dry sand at the edge of the wet sand  a short run then to wrap himself up again in the blanket to fight off hypothermia and his chattering jaws  he wouldnt be able to speak through them if he wanted  not that there was usually anyone to say Hiya to or had been for years  once upon a time there was an old man who shared the ocean with him along this strip of beach
he died  eightynine

a real wisecracker  in his will he left the strand to a young man whose name he didnt know

he wrote the young man would know who he was  the family was curious what he meant

then  they settled back into their pale misunderstanding of him

the sea rocked him  he had to keep spying the distant wharf  and returning  to the point before him  the end streetlight  to keep himself from being washed in and busting up his swim

later this morning it wasnt going to be a treat for anyone who thought to take her on

Fucking Cold    he wrapped himself  it was more strenuous than he thought itd be

he was exhausted  he put a bead on the ground just ahead of himself  fixated on it and made for home
he almost caught himself counting steps to help neglect his shaking and escape from the moment

but it was a moment he made  and like pain  you appreciate the moment to be able to appreciate all the other moments when youre warm  satiated  when youre not in pain   when things are absent theyre hard to recall   and recalling them helped him face them better when they returned  youd be an idiot to think they wouldnt

he tried to keep his idiocy to a minimum

           

he didnt ever want to play in the common pool   not ever

whoever created the hot shower was a God

                                                                                     

he used its spray to finally beat down the goosebumps that transfigured him into a numb tongueless beast
he hung the blanket to dry in the fresh air from a clothesline  as if it exhibited a rite of passage  like an Indian of Old proudly displaying a wetted rag  the badge of his daughters menstruation  her becoming a woman and taking her rightful place among the People
only People of his tribe might gleam that his Mexican blanket was significant
his neighbors thought he was odd
why a clotheslines
he had a dryer
 

he learned before he even arrived on this coast to live as an outcast  some cancers it seemed had nothing to do with the actual  Gawdforbid  diseases

he emerged from the shower his skin throwing off vapors against the cool house air

hot black coffee was going to taste so good this morning  he really earned it

Fuck

the coffee shop was closed  reminded him

Yeah  reminded me  then

he peered around at his subconscious wondering if itd even dare to have some off coloured remark to utter to his face

Nothing  Good  Youre learning thank you

he quit peering

he had meant to stop on his way back at the shop for whole beans

now he had to hold himself accountable

now the fresh  hot  black  restorative coffee was going to come at an additional expense

at a less efficient manner

another walk

he looked out the unclothed windows

the sun was up now

he could walk and read

now which book to read

Faulkner

Faulkner weather and Faulkner trying

Sound and the Fury

thatd spindle him good

then the coffee could unwind him

he brought his eyes up just over the top of the book to catch a glance ahead to offset anything untoward that thought it might try and stumble or drop him

rarely did that happen

he was too familiar

nearly to the coffee shop a glimpse yanked his eye off the shoulder of the road to the strand

he closed the book after catching the page number  swung his head left and right  no cars  and crossed over to the beach

--   Whats up Tommy

Tommy was built to be a lifeguard  a Beach Boys Frankenstein  he met him the same year the old man died which affirmed in his mind the notion and wisdom

One door closes Another opens

--   Trouble Im afraid  She beat me down here this morning

--   I beat you down here this morning  Who

--   You know her  I know youd recognize her  She was hard not to see

--   Red one piece  Wanted to see her in a two piece

--   Yeah  I didnt see anyone at the surf as I approached this morning then found her stuff bundled on the beach
I was startled shes sharper than that I thought I looked for her didnt see anyone not anyone not anyone in the surf
I called for help

two Rescue boats plied the shelf  running crisscross  running in strategic patterns

--   How long now

--   Too long

her hand came up through the glass of the sea  she reached for him

 

not a threat 

a hand extended up  was all

he grasped her hand  it was warm  her grasp was firm as he expected  she came up out of the water  slipped out of it like seal      never blinking her eyes

she put her arms around him

she hugged him

he hugged her back

she relaxed her hold

he let go of her  and stepped back

in her face  no complaint  no distress 

 

he stepped back again

            

then walked away from her  backwards  on top of the water

watching her                                                                                                                                          

she placed her hands behind herself  at the hollow at the small of her back  and tossed her head

her hair shook  ever so lightly

no beads of seawater came off it

the sun was beginning to set

it painted her  it lit her up   like a patient  unperturbed  candleflame

--   Tommy  You ought to call the boats off or suggest so  Theyll not find her out there

--   No disrespect  but I think I know better about this than you

--   Have them check near the wharf this side near the seawall at sunset  Shell be waiting there

--   What are you talking about

thats what Tommy said

but there was nothing to talk about

hed already begun walking up the beach to the road to the coffee shop

he shivered

he wasnt cold

2300-ish,  Sunday,  25  1. 15

2037,  Thursday,  29 1. 15