someday hed like to see her actual diaries 

he had published copies

edited

words correctedhed like to see it written in her own hand

hed fucking learn French if her Executor assured him he could

30 May 1915

Thoughts on the day of my First Communion.

When I see the miseries of this World, I think if I were rich, there would not be one poor person on Earth.

she was 12

it galled him that a single person – one – could always be sacrificed   one

if one could be sacrificed 

then two

if two

then three

if three

then four

at what number are the sacrifices too many

if that number cant finally be said outloud

then those who believe in sacrifice ought be the ones sacrificed

1151,  Monday,  23  12.19

1207,  Monday,  11  5. 20

    

a painting hangs at the foot of his bed

not many would call it a painting

none would know what the whitewash hid 

                                                 except for him  and the artist

she painted her portrait 

all her portraitures were quietly  subtly   her

he thought it was one of her finest efforts

he told her so

she said she hadnt captured what she wanted

she grew visibly upset

Maybe trying to console her he offered you captured what the portraiture wanted you to

his characters often did what they wantedsaid what they wanted coerced him to follow their lead

she smiled sadly That’s different, baby, writing is not a visual art.

I don’t like it.

              abruptly she lathered it with whitewashlathered it before he could interruptstop her take the painting for himself

when she finishedexhausted by her furious brushstrokes she left it to dry on the easel

as it driedhe checked it throughout the day the portrait was stubborn as was she adamant hints of her eyes peered through the whitewash the cocked defiant attitude of her headsoftly submerged an ethereal shadowher hair woven and cluttered with wildflowers and stars  vague   opaque

it was all he needed

                     hints  suggestions   possibilities    nothing was impossible

he tortured her and others with Im-possible

she wanted to paint over it

she was pissed thats what she said when he hid it from her

Ill buy you another canvas

I don’t want another canvas. I want my painting.

You concede it is a painting

I want it.

Im not giving it to you

I want it. 

Or I’m leaving.

1052,  Monday,  23  12. 19

1134,  Monday,  11  5. 20

$81,751 Mr. President

Good morning 

its nice to be able to say good morning and mean it say it to someone you love 

81,751 Americans have been denied many were denied Good nights I love you were deniedbeing surrounded by loved ones as they died who desperately wished they could have been therecould have said  Good bye. I love you so very, very much.

since he was memorialising

                            memorialising Americas dead by coronavirus for his own benefit reminding him of what cuntking sounds Chinese the president failed to do he also thought he might asterisk this datethis time in History Barr said History is written by the winners -- hes counting his chickens before theyre hatched memorialise it with a fantasy

that being

          perhaps the White House chef could serve the president his chocolate chip pancakes wreathed with oodles of whipped cream and write on top it with his favourite chocolate syrup in a clear stylised script  $81.751

the president understands the dollar signhed understand 81,751 dollars 

he doesnt get it a socoiopath wouldnt when 81,751 is attached to lost lives  

theyre not warriors

this isnt a war

theyre victims

victims

Eat and swallow your pancakes Mr President 

Eat them for those who are dead and cant enjoy breakfast

0902,  Twosday,  12  5. 20

Barr  https://www.nationalreview.com/news/barr-defends-doj-dropping-case-against-michael-flynn-history-is-written-by-the-winners/