Paw  As a kid growing up you catch during all the movies serials cliffhangers a Warner Brothers film  Confessions of a Nazi Spy

Who was in it?

Robinson I believe

Edward G.?  I wasn’t a fan.

Little Caesar Double Indemnity Fred MacMurray Barbara Stanwyck writers Billy Wilder Raymond Chandler James Cain Awcomon

           You shitting me

I liked Double Indemnity, although Edward G. wasn’t the draw.

                                                                   Confessions. That’s what this telephone call's about.

Thought you would have remembered  First time a film went away from pure entertainmentventured into realism whawas happening then and there  I read in Rachel Maddows book Prequel that in ‘39 80 million people were going to the movies every week At the time the population of the United States was 130 million  Blew my mind  In the day cinema was awfully powerful

80 million.

            I could see that.

Often I went to the movies a couple times a week, but you got to understand how accessible movies were to us. As a boy, in long pants, I could walk to the Queen, it was a one aisle theatre, the Biltmore, the New Strand, the Crown, on Division was the Crystal, anif I wanted, if I didn’t like what was showing around, I could take a streetcar to the Liberty theatre. Plenty, plenty to choose from in those days. Admission was a nickel, a dime, two movies twin bill, cartoons, Newsreels.

I spent a lot of time at the movies.

  Circumstances  Right

There was that. My Mom, Grandma died. Uncle Don, my brother was four years older, Dad, Grampa was working, Aunt Stella was working, couldn’t always go to the library. There was always a nickel or a dime free if I askedif my chores were done. I made like a slave so I could go.

                                               You like movies.

I do

I don’t remember you asking me for money to see them. Did you ask your mother?

No

     I afforded it myself

Yeah.  Well.

              You were a strongheaded kid. We couldn’t tell you nothing.

Then when you asked us about something it was like an interrogation. Why this? Why that? Came out of the blue like a ton of bricks.

Yahwell I liked the library too Paw

                                      Reading makes you accessible to strong thoughts   Research reinforced them

I remember you were awfully good in English. You would have made a helluva a teacher.

Possibly

          Save for one thing

Curriculum. Whenever you said it the look on your face was like you had a mouthful of shit.

Thawas the excuse I heard all through elementary high school

                                                                  Curriculum

I can’t see your fac . .

. . Yah Paw Looks like I got a mouth full of shit

                                                   Thanks for pickingup I love ya

I love you too, son, I love you.

Goodbye for now

Bye.

1220,  Monday,  8  1. 24

2207,  2sday,  9  1. 24

Aw for Christssake, I didn’t see that coming.

                                                  he saidhe guaranteed  those  would be his last words

Aw for Christssake, I didn’t see that coming.

Arya practising so theyre rote Automatic

No. Maybe.  Well.

                    Well no matter, they’ll be my last words, and you’ll be able to attest to them.

Me

You.

      I know you’ll be with me at my death.

Your death How do ya know tha

Because . . I guarantee I’ll know and I’ll callsend for you . and you’ll come.

Sound mighty cocksur . .

. . You’ll come.

Another guarantee

No man. You love me and when I’m dying you’ll go through heaven and hell to be with me as I would for you.   But that ain’t gonna happen.

   Guaranteed

Guaranteed.

 

he was visiting his folks a nice afternoon went for a walk with a book walked and read  where he lived he was known as He who walks books if he were First People he would have taken the name

                                                                                    he heard his name yelled

turning around

                his kidbrother the youngest was flying up the street on his bicycleveered onto the sidewalk GOT TO COME HOME! YOU GOT TO COME HOME! MOM SAYS!

he brakedstopped

She say why

She said you gotta come home now.

Okay turnbout letem know Im comin

Right.

       boy was mighty proud he found him he had fallen off a swing landed on his head hadnt been quite right since but was plenty right for the family word was out not to fuck with him they were awfully protective boy felt it he was protective right back

pretty fucking sweet

                       he found him 

 

he came into his bedroom  the door was wideopen  

he wasnt  . . dying in no fuckin' hospital.  I ain’t stretching this thing out.

This thing Your life

I’ve had a good one. I’ll be damned if I’m strapping my family exiting. I wasn’t expensive coming in.

when he arrived he was asleep his wife was a mess  they were schoolhood friends she wanted out of her house and to settle down

she wanted him to settle down with her

he was honest perhaps callus   I don want to settle

   I do.

she did with Ray

Ray and he were best friendswent back to the Cubs Scouts when his family moved into the community the neighbourhood kids everywhere mothers everywhere with eyes in the back of their heads  minimum five kids in each house loads and loads of kids

she and Ray stayed put moved but not ten miles from of the old neighbourhood

when he visited his folks he and Ray would tie-up

                                                      Sandy hadnt forgiven him  he saw her sparingly

this would be the most hed seen her

I think he could beat this. she said  Doctors say . .

. . The odds Wha odds they give him  Rays nobodys fool

   Shitty odds.

Nobodys fool Sandy Rays decision

                                      Only thing we truly own in this life is our lives

I thought you’d come and convince him to try.

                                                 He listens to you.

AwSandy I apologise

                      Its not my place  chuckling under his breath Guarantees have been made  Given

crestfallen Ray.

Ray

Aw for Christssake, I didn’t see that coming.

                                               Ray was on his back uncovered skinanbones

then he folded out of himself onto his face onto his back was shouldertoshoulder with him Wha the fuck that iteration blueing graying folded out of himself onto his face onto his back was shouldertoshoulder with him

                                                                                                        three Rays

the third was greennot rotting green no   looked sagelike fucking eternal    his soul

they laid side by side by side on the Kingsize bed

he and Sandy were standing at the beds edgeSandy staggeredcaught herguided her onto a dressing chair turned back to Ray and as he did he said Aw for Christssake, I didn’t see that coming. Ray guaranteed those would be his last words

Anya fucked that up for me.

                             he smiled the biggest mostpleased mostbeautiful smile hed ever seen on Rays face not even when he lost his longmalingering cherry did he smile that beauteous

closing his eyes he took a bright clear untroubled breath

   then Ray sighed  a long sweet birdcall

before 0900,  2sday,  9  1. 24

111preferred,  2sday

bad tooth at night

                          a bad tooth gets one thinking of other things to ignore the ache

he took a hot bath sat a shotglass of whisky he sipped from on the edge of the tub  washed the liquor backanforth over the tooth to help anesthetise rolled it round for fiveseven minutes swallowed sipped again

the light from a candle he lit flickered

there was a draft

the strobing reminded him of police cruiser lights

responding to a call

pulling someone over for a traffic violation

                                              an alleged violation

he had won two of three in court

a fourth he didnt fight

                        he was speeding

he didnt feel one should fight when they knew they were wrong

                                                                     antithetical to being honest

and he was that

                   brutally honest

it humoured him to think he was being pulled over in the bathtub by a cop

hopefully by being naked the cop wouldnt frisk him

                                                       though might ask him to pull his cheeks apart

You got anything in there?

Loose change

You tryin to be a smart ass

And

     The Columbia Encyclopedia In One Volume  1946

two of his cats came into the bathroom and started circling one another parrying  dancing

                                                                                               the walls looked like a discoball dappled them

he wondered what the song was they heard

                                                then

a third blundered in  he was big oafish

startled they fled into the hall

the two left towards the bedroom

oaf right

   in the upper corners at his feet he recognised iridescent spiderwebs candlelight trembling on them

the left was a remnant web right inhabitedspider tucked deep into the corner it wasnt biting on the lightmotion in its web

     Hello friend he said  Appleseed was mighty pleased with that corner too

he sippedswished the whisky backanforth

                                             he thoughtwondered if the spider might be a descendant of appleseed  he imagined she was a she

                           how does one sex a spider

these days some boys were pretty enough to be girls an girls butch enough to be boys  which didnt bother him at all

he wasnt looking to get into anyone pants

he had pants

swallowed

took another sipswished

wondered where the draft was coming from steady  meting a steady flickering almost keeping time for the heat as it escaped the water

maybe

          fifteen minutes lefttwothree sips  tepid

pull the plug and out

or pull it empty half refill with more hot water

                                                 maybe the mirrorball ceases or maybe the light would finally entice the spider

tooth wasnt that achy anymore

                                  might be able to fall asleep

the feline dancers were probably in bed fast asleep

                                                         Wha do cats dream of

For tha matter  spiders

1238 or 0038hrs,  Monday,  8  1. 24

1137,  2sday,  9  1. 24