evening

               with evening came the onslaught of heavy sighsheavy heart

had to go to bed without her

                               without their accompanying tomfooleryplayfulness tapping the sheetblanket from beneath her crouchingtensing launching asif after a mouse  which shes never pursued

                                                                                     pure feral instincts

lefties mother october father outdoor Robert ferals  wouldnt want to fuck with him  missing part of an earmost of his tail disappeared a week at a time returned for morningkibble all toreup nursing some stillbleeding woundlast time a length of fur draped off his throat cape on his chest

                                                        wondered how the hell he got out of that

feral instincts

                lefties movements were beautiful elegant  acrobatic

her agility marveled him

 

once an athlete he appreciate her athleticism

                                                 but cats have that

they are a wonder to behold

he fagged her out

Yesyes Bedtime

                   he laid backspread his legs  shed cross the bed and lay between them

during the night he woke liked to sleep on his sides but his shoulders were damagedoperated on sleeping on them pain would wake him

                   but when he shifted from his back to a side disrupted her 

shed let him settle then creep in behind his knees

when he felt her there her warmth  her comfort   he could fall asleep again

                                                                                  until pain woke him

turned onto the other shoulder

                                they danced again

behind his knees  comforted   he fell back to sleep

    he often wondered whyhow she put up with him

then come morning shed wake him his silent alarm

                                                         smacked her lips

he smacked his

                 Awright babe  Lets get this show on the road

he did the math

                  they slept togetherdanced onethousandsixhunredsixtyeight days

fourpointfivesixnineeightsixthreezeroonethree years

                                                     fouranahaf years

intermissions only when he spent a week with his daughter every year a week with his Dad every yearWAIT  Twentytwenty Trumpvirus those fourteen days back into the mix

                                                                      slept together onethousandsixhunredeightytwo days

fourpointsixzeroeighttwoonenineoneseveneight years

the math quieted his sighing

numbers crunched  recorded

                                  sighing again

weeping again

    when leftie was back home her ashes  he expected the sighingcrying to lessencease

but not until thenNo

not until then

                           

1616,  Thursday,  12  12. 24

1944,  Thursday

he laughed had to love other peoples discomfort because theyll laugh at you when its your turn

                                                                                              Sounds like you needed an intermission

began singing Let’s All Go to the Lobby Drive-In theatre fare

Jesus Papa.

Just tossin it out theresplash some humour onto whasobviously not funny nor fun

No.

    I was in there forty minutesbegan thinking maybe I ought to go to the ER.

Whamade ya think tha

Because it wasn’t stoppinglike more was coming out than I ingested.

Whadya eat

Had a portion of Rao’s frozen pepperoni pizza.

Good products I understandfamiliar with their Spicy Arrabbiata sauce

Yes. So good.

               I cutup crimini mushrooms for atop it. Also had an Asahi beer.

Rice lager

            Cant see a downside to either

Maybe their combo affected you

Wouldn’t think so.

I woudnt either

No sooner was I on the pot than waves of heat ran through me. Ran my wrist under cold water from the sink. That didn’t help. I’m not embarrassed to say I used a dirty rag I spot clean and also ran it under cold water, placed it on the back of my neck to try and cool me down.

    Aw baby Im so sorry

Then of course, coup d’etat, suffering this onslaught the wakeup alarm on my phone goes off.

                                                                                                  Rang ten minutes straight before I could finally get to it.

Jesus Christ

Tell me ‘bout it.

                 Body harassing me technology harassing me. And the stinkChrist, couldn’t clear the air with the fan or no matter how many times I flushed the toilet.

    How did your bidet fare 

I didn’t use until I felt good enough to get off the pot, legs started to fall asleep. If it wasn’t for my utter discomfort they may have.

Annow

A little better. I called in sick.

They questioned you

Fuck they did.

Tellem to fuck off

I’m not you, but I got my point across.

                                          Told ‘em . maybe . . I’d see ‘em tomorrow.

Ill leave you be love

    Thank you. I’m going back to bed.

it wasnt funny  but it was funny

 

2025,  Thursday,  5  12. 24

1831,  Thursday,  12  12. 24

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lm6IU6V-dE8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4uhKLd9tBt4

    leftie would want him to find his stride again

october her mother the queen was sitting in his lap as he wrote as leftie did every morning

                                                                                                  as all his cats did taking their turn

difference between leftie and october

                                       october awfullyferal like him trust no one sat facing the doorway

leftie sat facing the window comforted that if it was in his power no harm would ever come to her

    he couldnt fendoff her death five years eight months nineteen days twothree hours old

his catsthose he cared for notoriously lived fifteenseventeen years

he was crushed

                  now three days latereach day still several bouts of tears writing this he cries

since Tuesday his daughter called him a couple times a day texted  checked in

she was able to reason his enormous heartbreak

    Papa. After Aniela her sisterhis daughter died, you returned home, you told me that was when you and leftie bonded.

Yes yes

          Coming through the door after gone nearly three months she greeted mewas terribly attentive  Beginning of our love affair

Most nights she beat me to bed after sitting at my heel  quietly suggested

                                                                             Hey  Ya think its bedtime

She slept at my crotch after I petted her a while

There.

        Leftie helped you contend with Anielas death. Now when you think about what you called a panic attack, panting between sobs, do you see, in context with Aniela’s death, likely why that occurred?

    A continuum

                     Thamakes sense

I didnt see tha  

Thank you

You’re welcome.

                    I’m so terribly sorry Papa. Most animals, as I understand, when they are going to die seek someplace away, go off to die.  

Leftie sought you.

She laid with you.

    She was born between my legs

Yes.

it occurred to him Wednesday afternoon gobsmacked him

                                                              october birthed three kittens between his legs

they were the first cats that were solely his who he keptdecided to take care of since he was in college

he always wanted a black cat

a little girl sat on concrete on a blanket outside a Food Fair grocerystore in Coral Gables with a box of four weaned kittens

two were jet black brother an sister

                                         You’ll take good care of them? she asked

I will

You promise me?

I promise

    leftie shy bomber are his cats

                                     not family cats left in his care

not his wifes his daughters

his

 

his

     lefties death broke his heart

737preferred,  Wednesday,  11  12. 24

1331,  Thursday,  12  12. 24

he had to check the dictionary

wanted to be sure he understood the meaningdefinition of curate

                                                                      Amazon vowed it curated

curate the second “select, organise, and look after the items (in a collection or exhibition)”

The New Oxford American Dictionary  Second Edition

he and it concur  collection  exhibition

                                          however

Amazon saw fit or rather its algorithms did  and emailed him

                                                                  “Shop our curated selection of top 100+ gifts”

ostensibly for Christmas

coud excuse Amazon the machine

it didnt know that being an atheist he woudnt celebrate Christs birthdayTHAS WHA CHRISTMAS IS ABOUT  RIGHT

he treated it as nothing more than tradition  his family was Catholic

so he coud excuse Amazon

but he woudnt

                out loud he said to himself  Curate onehunred gifts based on wha

rather than answering himself riskingprecipitating an argument he thought Aside from DVDs and books  Ive boughtperhaps ten things from it  Dismally little information to suggestexcavate curate gift selections  Anmy familys not like cows lowing in the field

    

good for Amazon stretching its commercial articulatedinsect legs  defy the true meaning of Christmas  curate TOP onehunredPLUS gifts  for the field herd

Stunning

1303,  Sunday,  8  12. 24

1153,  Thursday,  12  12. 24

circumcision is a barnstormer at cocktails usually hed say drinks but  comon 

friend circumcised disagreed with himhis assessmentthough he did not remember he was eminentlyabsolutely sure when he was circumcised he shrieked

You don’t remember, so why would you say you shrieked?

Yakiddin me You shrieked

I did not.

    Wow Tough guy

                        Lip didnt quiver either

Full of horsehit

maybe at cocktails one isnt supposed to challenge the host afterall  he is providing the booze

Wait  Before you reply to the room lemme refreshen my drink

                                                                  Help anyone else

no one looked down at their drinks

everyone declined

Excuse me

he returned with the hosts fathers soleremaining Tiffany Double Old Fashioned Plaid crystal tumbler filled nearly to the lip with fifteenyear Redbreast Irish whiskey  neat

                                                    went up to the host You were going to say Humphrey alluding to Bogart

Yadidnt flinch

Correct

I’m sure I didn’t shriek.

Thas remarkable

he nodded I think so . .

. . But like me  ya don remember

If I did remember, I’d remember I did not shriek.

Is shriek offputting

                    he brought the crystal to his lipsipped the Redbreast This is delicious 

Thank you

You’re welcome.

Offputting  The word upset you Shriek   Unmanly

Suffice to say, in my vocabulary, I rarely use it.

You have sons  Four

    warily Yes.

Imagine it woud be fair to assume tha since their Daddy is circumcised  they are too

his hosthis friend nodded

Were you present

What do you mean . . present?

When they were circumcised

    Yes.

Were they stoic like their father

Stoic  A word you also rarely use

 

    They cried.

One to ten Cried a little cried hardcried like their cocks were cut offpretty fuckin sensitive

They cried.

Like you cried

I never discussed it with my parents.

They didnt give you a sex talk either if I recall correctly

                                                             And I do

he produced his cellphone rarely carried the damn thing from his pants pocket when refilling his glass he took it from his coat that hung in the closet off the kitchen where the bar was set up

I could call my folks an ask  Speakerphone

                                                I think theyd concur  I shrieked

Why woudnt I

    

1633,  Saturday – Remember Pearl Harbor,  7  12. 24

1057,  Thursday,  12  12. 24