today was his mothers wake

he wasnt going to make it

she would understand

thats all that mattered

he wrote a piece that his brother was supposed to read on his behalf

his brother wasnt able to complete ithe couldnt contain himself
                                                                  so his wife read it

he would have preferred another sibling had but they didnt think of that
                                                                             so instead a woman whod only known his mother three years spoke for him

he was her eldest child                                 

his siblings had better been grateful he didnt show

he made a commitment months prior

he was a man of his word
                            his mother knew of it she was a woman of her word

his word was ironclad
                        unrelenting

once he set his mind nothingNOTHING  could make him revise it

there is comfort in that
                         it comforted him that he wasnt able to make her wake or funereal

a discomfort too
                 some family relatives friends took his absence to mean something other asif they had their finger on the pulse of his relationship with his parents

                                           his not attending undermining him  asif it said something he never thought or said and somehow also related to the carte blanche others helped themselves to and believedtripping over each other to confide in him  thinking he held them in confidence

he did not
            nor did he betray the confidences summarily dumped in his lap

when guns were swung in his direction accusations were made he abruptly reminded them he made no solicitations they divulged what they had of their own free will

as he upheld commitments he made he also held their confidence

If you prefer  if you doubt   dont talk to me again

ironclad

2257,  Friday,  13  3. 20

1523,  Saturday,  5  9. 20

he could hear the hawk cry but he struggled to determine from where  

after twenty minuteswatching smaller birds avoiding it his best guess was a date palm somewhere up in its crown

he or she was agitated cried once or twice a minute

a date palm not where he was from he enjoyed fig trees and their fruit took walks at lunch pilfered the neighbourhood figs then walked down to the creek that ran through the heart of the town at the Missions feet where aged figs grew and helped himself to them
                         people glared he didnt let glares agitate himtheir agitation he was too busy enjoying picking and eating fresh figs

twentythirty minutes of bawling the hawk fell out of the date like a stonespread it wings and veered onehundredeighty degreesgliding up into sunlitblue sky his or her effortlessness and beauty stunned him always did

he had an innate attachment to hawks  fellow earthlings

anhe  terribly feeble if he were to make a comparison

as the hawk climbed a pair of hummingbirds entered the vacated space the crowns of the palm and cypress that stood guard to either side of it

                          tenants play when the landlord leaves

he wondered if he had recorded the hawks cries and played them if the hummers would know he was fucking around with them

             amusing himself he mimicked its cry               

Nada

       they probably amused themselves Stupid human he didnt think theyd be gauche and muse him an asshole

thats called entertainmenthe called it entertaining and free if one was willing to spend time

he pushed back against the thought of changing the hummingbirds into hawks Abracadabra 

                                                                                                  or Drizzle drazzle drazzle drone  Mr Wizard  Abracadabra was more wistfulmagical and since neither was his tongue he supposed he could pray maybe that would get Gawds attention Who prayed for transformations  Could be an interesting gambit  otherwise where did the unicorn or platypus come from 

he wasnt praying

his parents prayed hed accept God



that didnt work


the hawk a speck disappeared behind a ridge that consumed the view south

1538,  Monday,  9  3. 20

1359.  Saturday,  5  9. 20

Tooter Turtle  Moon Goon (Space Head)  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCDDg6ctVaM

there were two nonfictions a scifi three National Geographics four commierags and a partridge in a pear tree on his motel room table

his friend called the magazines commierags

                                               he would he was apolitical

he told him Being apolitical is like being asexual

Ouch. he replied humoured You trying to hurt my feelings?

No Im trying to pique or disturb some semblance of insult disgust or outrage given our political climate

You ought to settle on one of the three. A scattergun works on birds, not big game; I’m big game.

Big game Nahnot so much You treat politics as a game asif you arent invested  though you are and noninvolvement hurts your investments

                         Be it politics or sex

Ohno, I’m invested in sex. I buy a couple girlie magazines, maybe three, each and every month.

Dates

Dates?

        For the price of one date I could afford several mags and probably a couple skin flicks that would last me for months.

You forgot Kleenex

Fuck Kleenex, I use a sock.

he was such a spendthrift 

                             women hadnt inspired or excited him in a long time

he felt that was because his friend never sought the right womandidnt seek a woman who would be a complement to him he always sought to compliment them

invariably they lead him around by his nose

far more often than by his cock

2147,  Sunday,  8  3. 20

1318,  Reggae Friday,  4  9. 20