he was sitting with his daughter at
her kitchen table
she had painted the walls a warm
yellow
the nook was sunlit bright inviting
she had work and was at on her
laptop
he sat across from her sipping
black coffee and writing with a red BIC pen on the backside of advertisement pages
his employment trashed
the
backsides were writeable
why waste them
so
he didnt
he gathered them upstraightened
them out and utilised them
Waste Not Want Not
if he had a
tattoo that might be it he wasnt big
into images pictures though he could see text tats like graffiti though entirely more memorable and moveable he imagined Rivera might have liked his murals on foot traipsing about
rather than static stastick staystuck
her daughter ran into the kitchen For you, Grampa! she stuck a luminous butterfly sticker on the
page under his hand
not to be impolite she wouldnt know
he didnt care for stickernever had Thank
you baby
It’s pretty.
It is
I wanted you to have it.
Well stuck to the page Ill always have it
he maintained files of his initial rough drafts in the corner opposite the wee butterfly he
wrote 0950 beneath it Twosday 20 8.
19
just
like on a headstone
I was decorating my pencil box
for school tomorrow. And when I saw the butterfly I wanted you to have it.
Didnt you decorate it earlier
today
Yes, but then I didn’t like it.
You didnt like it It was quite elaborate covered with stickers
and decorative tape
No. I didn’t like it.
What did you do with the stickers he
knew the tape was trashed
I threw them away.
So of all the stickers you used this
butterfly is the sole survivor
What?
Did you throw the other stickers
awaythrow them away with the decorative tape
You diddidnt you
Yes.
That wasnt so hard to admit was
it
No.
she sought to wander off I’m gonna play with Sis
Play nice
I will. and she ran off into the house
across the top of the page
between the sticker and the date he wrote conspicuous consumption
beneath it STICKERS
as he wrote he had a couple more
cups of black coffee wishing
he had the mercurial oil of shots of Irish whiskey beside it heated water to top off his daughters
tea
she finished her work Ah. Thank you for your patience, dad, that
was good to get out of the way. I’m sorry it cut into our time.
No Its wonderful to sit across from yoube in
your presence Just being with you is a
luxury No need to apologise Ill take our time however I can get it
You’re sweet.
You know better Im not sweet
You’re sweet to me.
I wont protest As I sayjust say thank you Thank you love
she smiled large
the room glowed
her smile was precious
You’re welcome.
So what did you write? I saw you
completed a couple drafts, excuse me . . springboards.
You know me so well
I like to think I do.
Im pretty simple
You are, but maybe you keep it
simple to keep me informed; you’re all about need, not want.
HA You do know me so well
What did you write?
he smiled he slipped her the page with the butterfly
sticker on it and a second
Oh?! he surprised her usually he told her what he wrote Thank you. she
was one of the few people who could read his handwriting
as she read it he leaned back
into the kitchen chair sipped coffee watched her expressions
whether she knew it or not she had
an expressive face
she was no poker player
conspicuous consumption
stickers
he could never wrap his head
around stickers
they were expensivehe could only
imagine how expensive they were since his girls were little
expensive -- only -- in their
dispensabilityhow easily they were used
squandered usually with nothing
to show that they even existed expendable
though to be fair
to be circular
gone
there were more where they came
from
like bullets
endlessly purchased and
squandered
automatic weapons burping them out
asif they were extraneous
soldiers hid behind walls
hefted their weapons up
and sprayed bullets indiscriminately in the general direction of the enemy or in the direction of misfortunate collateral
damage thats what they named children noncombatants in foreign lands
in country in the United States that action was assumed by the police Force
if they feel frightened deadly Force is acceptable
why not force soldiers to fight
on a strict budget
fight with so many bullets
not lavished
only so many
and spent
then
hand-to-hand combat
combat oldfashioned combat eye-to-eye with their opponent
swords knives cudgels bats maces broken ends of bottles ballpeen
hammers axes spears
gore
then maybe todays sanitised wars
the buffer of technology that allow sides to kill from hundreds thousands of miles away might stop
he felt if you were going to kill
someone
it ought to be personal
Christ, dad.
I want to ask how you think, but,
how, I don’t think how you think is something you even question.
I dontI dont Most of the time its like taking dictation
Thats how I writemy creative
process
I start to write
and writing I step out of
its way
Theres no ego in it
As you saidbaby Im just using springboards and I expect theres water in the pool
0950, Twosday,
20 8. 19
1321, Thursday,
22 8. 19
