12.8.23


phenomenology

existentialism

Brentano

Husserl

Sartre

   in his book Psychology from an Empirical Standpoint Brentano approached the mind in terms of its intentions meaning  a general reaching tending stretchinglike blue oaks knot its Latin root intendere in-tend  thoughts are invariably of or about something
                                   he scribbled that on a scrap of paper he pickedup off the street and had tucked in the back of the book he was reading as he walkedcouldnt say how relieved he was when he found it because usually before leaving home he slipped a page of paper in whatever book he was reading expressly to write on should something occur to him 
         ably he found occurrences

   REGRET  occurred to him
he liked to think he had no regretswas not impeded or disadvantaged did not shoulder or hump baggage  though what formed across his shoulders was a soft yoke  an intention 
                                                                he wished to at the time but did not
because of a college Algebra final  hed missed only one point of those accumulated


he boarded the El at Jefferson its northwest terminus

as he sat a bum immediately sat down from across him
doors closed
bum leaned forward huskily to shake him down for coinhe wouldnt have to lie he purposefully used his change at the turnstile to purchase his passage and transferhe didnt like to lie to anyone
                                                                                    that   an that if orangerobed Hare Kirshnas werent able to shake him down over the past fall quarter he was plenty wellversed this bum wouldnt either
they always asked for change not paper money
                                                  Brother. Got some spare change.
Sorry man no

gruffly You a college boy, you got moneydon’t holdout . .
. . Orwhawas briefly bothered the bum converted change to money   

   he leaned back a bit  What?
Yahwha

I want a hot coffee. It was cold on the landing.

Ya had change to make it through the turnstile 
                                                  Ya don look like ya coud vault it elude the gateman

steelyeyed him I need hot coffee.

Maybe need it somewhere else  I do not have any change

leaning back a bit further Think you’re tough.
Think
       We coud find out
Screw you. 
             It’s only a cup of cof . .
. . Ive seen you on the El before
                                  If I had change youd touch me up again an again   I woud

Screw you. he settled back on the benchkept eyeing him


the El stopped doors worked openneeded to be greased people disembarkedentered sideways through each other

a welldressed man in an open long overcoat stepped aboard came up the aisle nodded at him

he returned his nod

the gentleman sat beside him

the bum eyed the gentleman
he thought Well  Ask buddy 

Young man, is this fellow bothering you?

No sir   No bother
I aint bothering himI aint bothering nobody.

No bother young man?

Not at all sir
I said I aint.

   Alright. I just wanted to make sure things were peaceable.

They is.

I said alright.

Yeah.   Awright.


You don’t look alright.

   I’s as good as can be expected.

the gentleman started 
                       Where did you get your battledress?

the bum yanked his lapel It’s mine.

Eighth Cavalry?

Eighth. Yeah.

Hill 255?

Pork Chop.
he knew Pork Chop
the gentleman swung off the bench from beside him sat beside the bum thrust his hand out I’m Brown, Company I, Third Battalion, Thirtysecond Infantry.

You the bums voice broke saved us.

Soldier. We relieved you. 
the El was slowing Brown grabbed the bum by his elbow Come on let’s go, we’ll have lunch, go for drinks. Kid, you’re welcome.

Id like to but I got a final  Id really like to

Well . . nose to the grindstone.

as the El stopped Brown helped the bum up 
                                               Seeya kid. the bum muttered

he never did 



no idea why that breezed through his head all these many years later

he didnt think regret was intended 
                                       but what did he know

1427,  Reggaefriday,  11  8. 23
1151,  Saturday,  12  8. 23

they cut down the blue oakThey?  Yah Call me out Id guess some tree service that submitted the lowest bid to the corporation that owns the shopping mall

blues transgression
                     it buckled a remote concrete walk an steps that were poured too close to it

he crossed under it threefour times a week negotiated the broken concrete  rarelyever shared it with another pedestrian
probably worried corporate that someone would fall an sue 
his feeling
           Sue me Ill shoot you in the headmaybe why he never worked for a corporation only a spaz or drunk or druggie would HumptyDumptytumble head over heels thats on them  not the trees fault

what he would have given to see it uproot itself an slog into traffic or stomp cars parked the lot in a quest for a betterimproved locationonly thing that turned him on seeing the secondthird Tolkien films was the Ents
                                                                                                    YAHnow were talkin  trees kickin ass

scraps of blue were scattered about
                                   a knot in the dirt above where the new walk an steps were being framed

he picked it up sympathised with it turned it in his hand   set it down then gently he patted its fanny Yaoughta git along lil doggie

straightening up he stepped back and began to turn to leave
                                                               blues knot snuffledsnorted
he tilted his head like a puzzleddog
the knot trembled
                 an trembling it began to unfurl stretch   stretched aspects to either side poked outemerged an emerging more they shaped into fantasticwings the rest metamorphosedshook violently  the wings elongatedtwitched  its whole spasmed
fixed
        turning it faced him briefly  shiny coalblack eyes CRAAKd reared flapped then turning away it leaptflapping an rose into the air into the sky   passed through a venue a volt of turkey vultures an soared inland heading towards the distant blue hills

1440,  Reggaefriday,  11  8. 23
0907,  Saturday,  12  8. 23