There was something in the corner
of his eye his left that he couldnt catch up with try as he may
a rolling flickering a neon kind of light that he couldnt heel or bring
into focus
it ran an undulating wave escaping off to his left
he could swing his eyes
right yank it over but trying to look it it avoided him like a
serpent a desert sidewinder writhing
across the face of a sand dune
without leaving a trail
without leaving a trail
they were colored lights soft Christmas lights sly indistinct hinting
in it he glimpsed reds greens yellows
blues
he could not say they had any order if there was order or which burned brighter ameliorated or waned dull
he could not say they had any order if there was order or which burned brighter ameliorated or waned dull
he sat in an office swivel
chair
the strand ran round and round and around
across the face of the four white walls containing him
he would have looked like an
idiot following it if anyone saw him but
it was lunch his
coworkers always went out they never
brought theirs to work
they invited him out
he declined saying Ive got mine
right here slapping a brown sack
they thought he was cheap
he didnt think frugal and cheap
were the same
besides the food he brought the thermoses of cold
milk and black coffee never permeated the air with the odors they returned
wearing or caused his belly to twist in knots or give him the shits or he wasnt
at the work the next day because wrecked by food poisoning and the food
poisoning excused because it was an inherent risk one ran when they ate out
his coworkers thought he was kidding when he said if he ate out and his belly went bad because of
the food that hed return to the restaurant and shit in their entrance
No
he wasnt kidding
he gave what he got
he wished he could reconstruct what
it was that he did to incur this wraith crawling at the edge of his vision
roiling at his peripheral like something stuck in his teeth that he couldnt get
out with the tip his tongue and didnt have a toothpick hed have to dig at with
the nail of his small finger and if that failed bite and tear a fingernail off
hold it between his fingers and work at the clinging shred of meat or celery
fiber as he leaned forward low in his cubicle acting as if he lost
something on the floor dropped a pen slips of paper
hed readily have some excuse at hand
hed readily have some excuse at hand
he was usually ahead of things
what he was never ahead of was
the office politics gossip its tawdry Peyton Placesque suspense
he went there to work
a straitlaced motherfucker
a days pay for a days work
and the company made out on him
because few worked as hard as he did or were as focussed
except today
and this fucking wiggling
wiggling wiggling
even closing his eyes
it ran haplessly in the dark like
an escaping shadow uncolored
after the strobe
the flatline
the lightning departed
the flatline
the lightning departed
it rolled left and kept on going
he recognised before it went that
if he stared straight ahead it twitched and bitched
distractions dont like being
ignored
perhaps it opted out
though he thought more likely it dissipated he couldnt know he could only surmise
though he thought more likely it dissipated he couldnt know he could only surmise
he opted out
he quit looking
quit the voyeurism that it had
enticed
and when a voyeur quits looking a
flasher quits flashing
whatever it was
it was gone
his last thought about it was
that he hoped the door really cracked it on the ass as it left sound enough to have broken its tailbone or loudly
snap its elastic backbone
he didnt figure that would be
asking too much
not for the lunchtime it cost him
his empty belly the mild nausea it induced
after it ran off or eroded
he recognised something odd about himself
he looked at his foot his hand
his arm up to where it disappeared into his short sleeve
they werent his
they looked like his fleshy muscled
but they were nothing more than appendages
one might find in a dimestore or a cheap garment outlet
pieces of a manikin
they were his color and complexion fascinating looked exactly like his own
pieces of a manikin
they were his color and complexion fascinating looked exactly like his own
but were utterly detached of his
person
he couldnt make them move
disgustingly he was tempted to
finger his straight razor with his remaining hand and slice them to see if they
bled
or if he could feel the thin metal pain after the blade passed
or if he could feel the thin metal pain after the blade passed
he kept it stropped and wicked prepared if he had to use it
he didnt want anyone to know they
were cut
until after he was away
until after he was away
he didnt want to hear their
abrupt ejaculate Whaddafuck! Am I bleeding?!
And out of the corner of their
eyes
ribbons of blood coiled or jagged on the
dull linoleum
or a thirsty concrete walk
or a thirsty concrete walk
1324, Friday, and again after 1600 sitting with bigfoot on the porch, 6 11.
15
