shes not here 

   this evening thats a good thing 

                                    it was one of those nights when he wished violence would presentprovoke him nothing like a good oldfashioned bloodletting  his theirswouldnt matter  couldnt give two shits 

                                                                                                      he had reason 

every yearthree years 

this day 

           it used to be to remember Pearl Harbor his father listened to President Roosevelt utter . . . a date that will live in infamy  on the radio 

                         an uncle climbedup out of the bowels of his sinking ship through a dorade box on deck 

a hornshaped ventilator     

   but now the date means something else that he hasnt been able to shakelikely never will                                                                                                                                 an in his welling remorse sadness hed like violence to replace the anguish his memory  his helplessness 

                                                                                   he couldnt take the bullet for her

it was nonnegotiable

   there was no one to take it up with

he was forced to bear witness 

forced to sublimate his violencehis instinct

 

he stood on the porch looking into the night 

                                             begging Come  Come try your hand at me 

she wasnt here 

                spared what would have been her helplessness trying to help him

also nonnegotiable

2209,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  7  12. 22

1631,  Saturday,  10  12. 22

The Zombies  She’s Not There  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ycP6yiupDPM

he wasnt particularly keen on the Eaglesdidnt pay much attention to them until he heard the Joe Walsh joined the band https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U_qHU_6Ofc0 doesnt own one of their albums 

Victim of Love https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AFdomKzAPTY 

                                                                       crawled through his skull as he simmered between dreams an on an on 

                     was in a steamer that could roll onto its side and navigatesubmerged just beneath the ocean surface when doing so certain sections were closed as contaminated air atmosphere pulsed into them those sections were located portside the ship always rolled onto its starboard when diving also portside were entertainment salons contamination holds where situated between them one had to wait for them to be purged before entering  a series of green and red lights were strung on bulkheads indicating safe passage or not 

                                                                                   several times he was caught in passageways when suddenly they went red he gained shipwide notoriety for not dyingeither staggering to a locked hatch or plucked prone from a gangway by crew wearing aerated hoods over their headspacking oxygen on their backs 

more often than not his notorietypreceding him provided him company and an inability to purchase his own drinks it seemed understood the reason why he risked his lifewhich wasnt true unfortunately he had a habit of learning the hard way school of hard knocks  it was his lot he accepted it

Cam she introduced herself approached him a cute blonde pixie haircut unpixie body though not necessarily his type she admitted her approach was for a girlfriend who didnt want to come over to the bar rather stay in her chair at an obscure table when Cam pointed towards her Ken Ken lit a match it illuminatedplayed on her chest throat face framed in auburn hair that the firelight hintedwhispered its highlights she proceeded to light a stout yellowchamomile coloured candle at the center of the table 

                                  Ken would like you to have dinner with her . I won’t be staying.

No

No. I lost the coin toss.

the way Cam said it provoked Tough out before he could stop it

Tell me. My life. Hardknocks.

his estimation of her rose 

                            Maybe another time 

she laughed heartily

                       Pick through bones, no thanks.

May be Kens bones

Oh. 

    That’d be interesting.

   Maybe another time

We’ll see I suppose.

he tipped her head backfinger at her chin gentlybriefly kissed her 

                                                                     taking his finger from her chin she stepped backwardsaway from him 

she smiled

           began humming Victim of Love  then turned walked away

briefly he watchedadmired her go

then drink in hand he walked between tables to Kens

seemed on an on hypnopompic this morning,  Saturday,  10  12. 22 

1044, Saturday 

Oblique Occasions  雪の上の血  21:33 minute-mark   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=orHN-JXSlg8

it was cool for themhe didnt mind birds werent his thingalthough he was peachykeen bout hummingbirds they had a long history composed of more than enough stints while he was incapacitated a painfuluseless left wing which limitedimposed upon him the effort to make sugarwater and feed them 

                                                                           that kept him out from underfoot and from being jostled which he could not tolerate

while he hadnt a passion for birds when he hiked with them he paid keen attention to their wordslistened Whereof one cannot speak, thereof one must be silent. to them discuss the difference in species West and East of the Rockies he referred to them as avid boiders  his moniker  that they didnt correct as it amused them 

                                                                                     boiders anhe was a woider

coined words  he was determined to hamperdiminish cellar doors standing step on J R R Tolkiens toeshis assessment that it is the most beautiful word in the English language  cellophane floor aint shabby neither are optic cup cute cunt charred trees neon nude

                         fact was  if he had children who were not attractive he would have been able to admit they were not  therefore his estimation of phonaesthetics was capable and worthwhile

bruised bananas pornographic virgin rawawkwardness 

                                                           it was unfortunate Tolkien was dead

he would have loved to share his most beautiful words in the English language

 

1521,  Thursday,  24  3. 22

0910, Saturday,  10  12. 22

Grouper  Lighthouse  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=47pIFb-12do  her rainwater enema