Sunday yesterday virtually
a year ago he felt his mind seizefelt it
become brittlebecome a pathetic honeycomb a pane of unreflective glassSAW his mind shattering and thought This is what a nervous breakdown
a mental breakdown must be
he couldnt in that moment go to his
daughters bedside to touch her look into
her eyes would have destroyed his mind like a hammer blow
he saw the irretrievableness of
it
so he backpedaled Please in a moment please just not now
his voice sounded like a frightened little boys
he was
it would be the second time hed say
goodbye to her
goodbye
because she felt she was dying
he didnt know if her death was courageous
like
a fixture a cheap fixture he could imagine courage as something cheap
– thats telling tells of his state of
mind
however it was the way his daughter
chose to die
the reality is everyone has to face their death devise their exit strategy sounds fuckin cavalier but here you go because she told him as much told him as much as she knew that he truly despised
the phrase It is what it is, Dad.
we will
die
and how – for the most part
– we die will fall to our decision
then seeing that decision through
an existential decision
the matter of ones life and ones death
so yesterday Sunday virtually a year ago
he was able to return to
his daughters bedside and tell her again what they shared in the ICU three
months earlier they cried several times they had to take her ventilator
mask off and try to have her blow her nose had to suction herher nose and
throat so she could continue to breathe continue to breath continue to breath
let
that sink in BREATHE
that
which we take for granted every day an involuntaryautomatic voluntary action respiration if people had to think to breathe to be mindful hed suggest the worlds population might be less than
half
BREATHE
on the 27th
her ventilator mask removed
she stopped
1020
444 or 1644, Sunday,
21 2. 21
1509, Monday,
22 2. 21
