when he was struggling a rheumatologist insisted it was RA -- rheumatoid
arthritis he insisted that the doctor
was full of shit
13 markers
as they wound down the
questionnaire and concluded he counted 3 the doctor counted 11
Doc How is it our assessments are so varied Did you not listen to what I was telling you
I heard you very plainly.
Plainlyyoull excuse me for saying
so but you might have dirt in your
ears Three is not eleven but were not doing a recount
You say RA An the treatment is
what
the doctor elaborated on the
names of three medications two which he
blatantly wouldnt afford the remaining one was doable
We could submit a request to the
manufacturers pleading for grant to reduce your financial burden.
Or doc we could tell them theyre raping patients and prettyplease
knock their prices down
That’s not how it works.
Itd work that way if professionals
such as yourself bellyached and government would get up off their hands an
asses But thats not going to be for
another time Ill take the script for the
medicine
I can’t give you a script right
now. You’ll have to go to the hospital and have tests run to create a baseline
for me first.
A baseline Why
I need a baseline on your health,
the health of your organs, so we can track your progress, or process, if you
prefer.
The health of my organs Specifically what organs are you talking
about they
werent talking
Your internal or . .
.
. Donbeat around the bush doc
Your heart, kidneys, lungs . .
.
. Why
Why? Because this class of
medication is known to affect them.
he was buying him time to explain
the affects if minor if deleterious the dead air in the examination room
sounded like the static that played off old television tubes when he turned the set Off
Affects doc
Your organs can be damaged.
Why would I take something for RAwhich to me is nothing more than pain alleviate my pain at the expense to my organs
maybe he did have dirt in his
ears
Nah doc save your script Ill negotiate the pain Comin in I thought mebbe I couldnt take it but youve assured me I can
Ill show myself out Thank you for your time Ill not seek your help in the future
the specialist sat there he couldnt read his face hed bet the doc was a good poker player
it was a mean ten months three hot baths a day Epsomsalts lavender oil his daughter who studied so that she and her
family could be as natural as possible selected an array of vitamins and herbal
remedies
they werent going to attack his organs
a mean ten months bilaterally assaulted asif he had a blowhole
in the top of his head and was cut down to his anus a perfectly
balanced attack How you feeling,
Dad? Still uncomfortable Still painfully? Still uncomfortable baby only uncomfortable Not using the p-word You’re something else, Dad Thank you love With your help yare making me something else
he called it a remission he
knew itd revisit
during the worst of the uncomfortableness
he hadnt words for it
he was reading Olga Tokarczuks Drive Your Plow Over the Bones of the Dead he made it a point to read Nobel Peace Prize
winners for Literature Ms Tokarczuk had
the words he lacked
“Whenever I find it hard to know
what to do with myself, I imagine I have a zipper fastened in my belly, from my
neck to my groin, and that I’m slowly undoing it from top to bottom. And thenI
pull my arms out of my arms, my legs out of my legs, and takemy head off my
head. As I extract myself from my own body, it falls off me like old clothes.
Underneath them I’m finer, soft, almost transparent. I have a body like a
Jellyfish, white, milky, phosphorescent. This fantasy is the only thing capable of bringing me relief. Oh, yes,
then I am free.”
it also occurred to him that
death could be the same
Thursday
afternoon, 17 12. 20
1344, Day-between-Two-Ts, 23 12.
20
