brother

Be careful what you wish for because some freakin hybrid equivocation of it may come true & drive your face in the mud – despite your protests – for yourself & everyone around you  because they counted on you (“Les gens que l’on comprend – ce cont eux que l’on domine”  Those we understand are those we control)

You’ll know you’ll know gawddamn well you deserved exactly what you got . .

Christ he muttered  thats a lousy admission   he slowly closed his brothers disheveled journal

his brother complained bitterly of life

he lacked the humour to disorient or distance it

he possessed a near-womanish sensitivity towards it

it got him as he wished it wouldgot him when he finally seemed to have turned a corner able to tolerate it manage it  and just as they were coming together after so many years at odds

he felt the hot metal tines pierce his brothers chest split his ribs pop his lungs then cool in his blood under his panting failing breaths

the explosion of the accident shocked his ears it ran over his brothers terrified yelp

they shocked him wide awake

it wasnt a bad dream


they had come to accept it  and he well before his brother

some realities intrude where they will

he smiled ironically  they intrude like wishes

wishes arent vagrants – made then cast offNo theyre crows that return to roost  no longer fearing straw scarecrows

he told his brother often wishes were bad juju

Juju? Where do you come up with this shit?

it was bad juju to wish for anything  All Im saying is you simply make do an do what you can

his brother rolled his eyes and laughed bitterly scornfully he croaked You know, for twins we’re about as far apart as two human beings possibly could be. You’re minutes older than me but possess the wisdom of saints and seers. Jesus Christ.

the wind and rain eased outside

the windowpanes were dimpled

he had mud at the knees of his cords from when he knelt beside the grave after everyone had left

in a clear strong quiet voice he spoke to his brother  Good luck  Deaths a door  An entrance   Not an exit

See! It’s bullshit like that, man! Death’s final! Death ends it!  You’re gone.

No no  Just gone elsewhere

Aw, for Christ’s sake. he seethed

that was before

itd been different in recent months

closing the ragtag journal he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror atop the highboy he stood before in his brothers let room 

it was tilted down so it appeared as if he  no   as if his brother floated above him

he watched him

then at last
            Yeah thats right  Comon kid Ill buy you a drink  This gig may work yet  We aint or ever were as far apart as some may have thought  Or you 

July, 2002

Kendrick Lamar  Feel.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cMapCBv0yQY

God is a Gangsta  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4wZytWFm7x0