23.4.20



                  some things are never forgotten


as a boy he learned that when theyhis family were heading out for a Sunday drive in the countrystopping for a picnic lunch his old man would holler at him and his brothers Time to tap a kidney, push til you blow air, boys. I’m not stopping the car because you have to go to the bathroom.

kinda like a hymnal  preached to him and his brothers
                                                           anif they had trouble going because they were told his father walked up behind three of them gathered around the commode and turned on the sink spigot just right  letting the water flow

it never failed
               they peed to their little hearts content or their bladders were empty  whichever was the matter

he wondered what his mother told his sisters  he never asked



raising his girls it was the nearly same before a roadtrip Time to hit the headthe bathroom girls an dont come out til youve blown air Ill be outside the door listening

they were funny little girls in turn as they finished on the pot they whistled and coming out into the hallway they said You heard, Daddy. We went!  

Goodness such talented little girls I bet youse could make some serious money if you went professional

his wife gave him a chuck in the ribs with her elbow Stop. They’re little girls.

Yes Thats why Im saying it now Theyre little Its going over their heads in one ear and out the other I guarantee therell be no side effects our girls wont be turning tricks for money
Would you shaddup. 

sometimes she didnt have a sense of humour



yup his little girls thought they were awfully damn funny

after a little while riding in the car he started whistling absently  not continuously

which provoked them absently theyd start whistling
                                                        and before they stopped he suddenly swung the car to the side of the road jumped out run around the front of the car to their side door and yanked it open Out Quick Dont wancha wettin the backseat

first couple of times they stumbled outnot really listeninghearing what he said not knowing what to thinknot following what he was yelling about

but they caught on


they remember that



his eldest daughter called him one eveningchecking in just to yap shed missed a couple of his calls and emales  Dad.

Hey baby How are you

I’m fine.

then they rambled about herabout her life her husband and children her business then ramble about him if he was taking care of himself

Youre sweet love You know Im taking care of myself Im all on me I havent a choice

Just checking, Dad, just checking.

Thank you

Yes.  You're welcome, I’ve been meaning to ask.

Whats that

Piano music. Could you shed some light on why I get sleepy when I hear piano music?

Yes  I could


And?

I thought if I gave you a moment youd recall on your own

I have a suspicion.

Its unlike you not to act on your suspicions

Yes. Which is another reason why I wanted to call tonight. Could you confirm my suspicion?

Im sure I can  Unfortunately the buck stops with me

Yes. Unfortunately.  I suspect it has something to do with me when I was young.

Yes

Really young.

Yes

Really, really young.

Yes when you were a baby  When you were a baby and I bottlefed you early mornings I found a public radio show that played solely piano music I fed you burped you made sure you were dry or clean then Id walk around the livingroom you on my shoulder rub your back stroke your head You didnt last too longknocked out real quick So for as long as I fed you early mornings that was our time our time together our time digging piano music


Yes.  Yes, that’s what I suspec . .
. . Suspected what you knew You remember correctly Good thing Im here on this one to answer youMom wouldnt have known as I wouldnt know the things you did alone with her

You remembered

Thank you for confirming my memory.

Im happy I could love  But then you always make me happy 



some things are never forgotten


1029,  Saturday,  14  12. 19
1248,  Thursday,  23  4. 20



his experience  time could devolve

its churning plowing straight ahead running over the helpless the hapless the well-healedwell-heeled  the entitled  ceaselessly
                it slowed in his eyes
slowed slowed
                crept to a stop


time  still  ticked on the clock  if someone listened

they werent


time devolved in that four-cornered room  which he never imagined

a cell
       where too many who he loved would inexorably end up  inexorably inhabit
held

contained


time sat in an obscure corner quietly  and watched

and in its arrest 

its patient exhale

it smoked the room

and those inside it

they could smell it on their skinsomething  something   something they couldnt identify

and they found themselves meandering 

falling free through time

untethered

amoebic



his loved one laid before him

sometimes animated

most of the time still  breaths aided by a ventilator

and before him also  a fine fabric  gossamer   where images of his remembrances flickered slyly

as they were in the past

their varied wheres

showering like confetti  stirred with grist    and passion



time devolved
                and revealed his relationships with the three beside him  inside the four-cornered room  in slow-motion  stutteringstammering  with notions of rainfall 


sometimes he thought time was being cruel
                                              or because he was sensitive  unable to take his eyes off the screen

he watched themlet them fall  possess his eyes   his senses
                                                                 like voluptuous drops of rain on a thirsty pavement  blotched  pitiless statements

or like snowflakes hoveringcaught on updrafts  delicately whirling   hangingdancing on his breaths


if time was being cruel  reminding him  he would always alwaysalways be grateful for its snapshots reinforcing his memory 

0813,  Saturday,  14  12. 19
1854,  Day-between-Two-Ts, 22  4. 20
Fiona Apple  Heavy Balloons  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GT8HHHuvfK8