20.11.20

 

Awwha the hell he was talking to himself Wha the hell is this

he was across the street and cattycorner of the Police Department like the schools in town where their students were incarcerated behind tall chainlink fences and patrolled the Police building fronted and was high above the main street and behind a high retaining wall topped by eight foot black barred fence
                                                                           what startled him was on top the fence that wrapped back towards the building and stopped at brick posts which gave way to ramps that provided egress and exit for private vehicles and patrol cars

he hadnt seen anything like it since he was a boy 

the tops were wrapped with coiled elongated sparkling razorwire the sunlight glinted off it

as a boy on a family trip south they went through Cairo Illinois  entering Cairo was a stubborn yellow brick POLICE building sandbag walls ran around it and on top the bags was three foot tall coils of razorwire the building looked as if it was expecting a siege at each of the corners were machinegun bunkers the barrels were relaxedpointing up into the sky

he asked he sat behind his father as he drove he liked the smell of the Brylcreem his father put in his hair Paw Why does the police building look like a fort

To defend against the nigg . .
. . Robert! his mother barked You’ll watch your mouth around the children.

The boy asked, you prefer, I believe, that I don’t lie to him.

No, I don’t, but our racial problems will not be solved until one side stops preferring the terrible injustices Jim Crow laws have heaped on the other. As well you know how I feel about that language. If you can’t answer the boy civilly, don’t answer at all.


it was a startling exchange

the back of his fathers neck reddened

looking at the side of his mothers face he could tell she was angry

Nevermind Paw  I was curious nevermind

when they returned home from the trip his father didnt drive through Cairo he took a roundabout longer route and complained about wasting money on gas  and back home he went to the library to read about Jim Crow laws
he was appalled
                  the lady librarian was appalled he was appalled he told her Youd get along well with my Dad


turns out it wasnt razorwire it was Christmas garland  it wasnt Halloween yet whawas with the garland

funny the unexpectedness of it returned that memory 
                                                        when he learned his father was a racist
 
late October,  2020
1321,  Reggae Friday,  20  11. 20


Im melting  melting   Wha a worldwha a world

is it Giggles the Clown 
                                   or the Wicked Witch of the West 
                                                                      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uQJ8WrKnLUs
Giggles melted ridiculously  wha a fuckin joke  

bets on Giggles

                                                                                      1816,  Reggae Friday,  20  11. 20                                                                      

19.11.20

 

he found it scintillating not only to devour flesh from bones but also to split the softened bones with his canines and use their splinters to dig out marrow and eat

if he were an animal and had to die to feed someone hed wish someone like he would eat him
                                                                                                 he believed waste not want not he ate organs tripe sweetbread brains feet it was offal those who are less-versed might think he misspelled awful he tried and relished as many ethnic delicacies as he could find or was offered  

he understood his tastes were informed by his ethnic Polish family he was a second-generation American his mother and fathers sides arrived in the early 1900s he didnt know much of his fathers side – seems his father wasnt curious – his maternal grandmother arrived under the sponsorship of her uncle and ended up in Indianahis grandfather arrived at Ellis Island four years later to the day on the same ship his grandmother arrived he wasnt familiar with his grandfathers entry however he fought in the First World War as did his paternal grandfather

once he took up housekeeping in California he realised that Mexicans and Polish ate similarly it was liberating  oxtail heart  kidneys they werent available at regular American grocers evidently white peopleOops their clientele didnt have a hankering for rare thick-cut liver 
                                       no surprise living in Minnesota when he bought offal he bought just enough for his meal his wife and children wouldnt partake his wife made something different and during dinner the three of them made fun of him and fake-retched as he ate

since leaving Chicago as a teenager he couldnt find a good restaurant or any place to buy fresh and smoked Polish sausage -- Hillshire does not make Polish sausage they only call it that – neither kiszka kaszanka blood sausage tame gwumpki stuffed cabbage rolls or pierogies which where filled with plum cottage cheese or sauerkraut

one thing his ethnic upbringing and foods informed if push ever came to shove cannibalism wouldnt be a reach

he once told his Maw about the rugby team whose plane went down in the Andes to survive they resorted to cannibalism UGH. I’d never. Maw your life hangs in the balance Never. Youd prefer to die I’d die. he rubbed his hands together enthusiastically and obscenely smacked his lips Well babe just more for me to eat

1845,  Twosday,  17  11. 20
1056,  Thursday,  19  11. 20

 
Atlas asshole  Atlas asshole   Atlas   asshole 
make no doubt  he is an asshole

evidently 252K American deaths arent sufficient  

2050,  Thursday,  19  11. 20

$252K -- Killed

 
GSAs Emily Murphy USAs Donald Trump holding hands  skippinggiggling off into the sunset 

let him sayeffect an appropriate epizeuxis  Americans will die Americans will die Americans will die  and Republicans dont care

1646,  Thursday,  19  11. 20

18.11.20

 

 

NO GOING BACK 
                    he knew that  hes known that   but now he finds himself repeating it every dayan affirmation of sorts
       though usually affirmations are Wha I love about myself is my ability to (fill in the blank) considered a powerful way to improve ones mindset daily as they can increase ones feeling of self-worth  self-worth hes never had a problem with that 

 

NO GOING BACK
                   he says that now to remind himself before leaving someone or someplace to look very hard at them  see them once more
                  there is no guarantee tomorrow will be as it had been today

he knows that
                although his daughters death has cut him deeper than any death of someone who he was intimate


he looked in her face when she was bornhis first child

he looked in her faceher eyes he thinks she saw himmaybe like when she was a baby she smiledher huge dimples  and died
       he saw the colour of her life drain from her face  her smile so slowly fell



OH MY GAWDIF HE COULD  HE WOULD RETURN TO PLACES AND TIMES WITH HER IN A HEARTBEAT 

1248,  Twosday,  17  11. 20 (though it occurred late last week)
1105,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  18  11. 20
Seals & Crofts  Funny Little Man  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rwbwt7kRZJE

$252K -- Killed

                the Republicans political tack reminding him of McDonald’s hamburgers  they touted Look for the Golden Arches its relentless business model was Hamburgers Served it wasnt until their formation in 1954 that they could boast One Million Served in 1962
                                    imagine if the Trump virus flourished eight years without a vaccine
Christ “How Many Served”

1838,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  18  11.  20

17.11.20


he really wanted to surprise her for her birthday

her landlord lived in the house next door

he rapped on the landlords door and asked if shed let him into her place so he could decorate the livingroom  he held a birthday cake he made from scratch  lemon poppyseed powdersugared

My, you’re really going all out.

I am he knew hed hook herseal the deal with what he said next Shes been an absolute blessing to me

Oh, goodness she blushedreligiously a little She is a wonderful woman; certainly I’ll let you in.

Thank you so much I am so grateful Ill keep a piece of cake for you

You’re welcome. Cake, that would be wonderful, I’ll have it for dessert tomorrow. I really appreciate your thoughtfulness.

I appreciate your assist

she mused he saw it turn in her face

Assist Its a term used in sportshockey particularly passing the puck to a shooter who scores immediately An assist

Well, okay; I suppose I know more about hockey now than I ever have.

A fast sport Hand-eye coordination off the hook

You’re a fan?

If I could skate I would have played I didnt have the ankles for it so I ended up playing basketball instead but all my buddies in high school played They played on traveling teams two made semi-pro Id go around with them if I could get out of work  We had great fun

Which is a nice seque into decora . .
. . Yes  I apologise Didnt mean to get so enthused Im very excited this morning

Just give me a moment; I’ll get a key.

Thank you so much


he festooned the livingroom and adjoining diningroom he taped to the ceiling a crazy colourballooned centerpiece and from it like a thousand legged starfish or octopus he ran twisted strands of complimenting coloured crepe paper dangled reflective streamers from where the toes touched the ceiling joined the walls
he set beeswax candles to either side of the cake which he set on the diningtable  beside it he left a wrapped Canon lens she had talked of wanting no ribbonshe was a wrapper not a ribboner 
                                                                               unless when they hugged


he picked her up from work early for a drink and dinner and then they doubledback to her employment so she could collect her car

he backed her up against her front door and unlocking itkissing her as they entered she groped for the lightswitchshe wasnt fond of the dark  he saw the moonlight etch their happy embrace on the carpet

as the light came on he released her and she turned into the room What the hell? Oh what the hell?!

Happy birthday love

This is wonderfulabsolutely wonderful! she grabbed his face and kissed him  I never had a birthday party.

You have now for very select partygoers You anme

Oh gosh, Joe, this is gorgeous; I’m so happy! You’ve blown my mind, you make me feel like a little girl again.

Hallie youve made me feel like a little boy every day since we met . . the second time 

she laughed a bellylaugh  she didnt cover her mouth 

Happy birthday 
0511,  Twosday,  10  11. 20
1209,  Twosday,  17  11. 20
Fleetwood Mac  Show Me a Smile  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r6nEogq7pRQ 

 
                                                          Chris Krebs fired by tweet by Drumpf

this presidents fragile psyche is murdering Americans and the Republican party are bootlicks  cowards

1737,  Twosday,  17  11. 20


Lindsey’s felony or levity 

1551,  Twosday,  17  11. 20 


on Sunday at 2355hrs the president tweeted I WON THE ELECTION! then Monday morning 0851hrs he tweets I won the Election! not so forceful is it an Twitter placed notifications on both Official sources call this election differently
YA THINK

https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow/watch/as-lawyers-flee-trump-s-floundering-legal-quest-falls-to-familiar-hands-96043589922

wha the president can claim is that the novel virus devastating America ought to be calledhe was calling it the Trump virus 
       the president can also claim the 249K dead Americans

1534,  Twosday,  17  11. 20


 
one might suppose that what it all comes down towhat our lives come down to  is that were batteries run on a DNA-charged charged through and through at birth 
                                                   but were not rechargeable

we loathe that we cant  anwe dig in we try to upset that course

however 
          if we are notif the common is not financially disposed to attempt to delay or offset our demise then he for one believed no one should
                      particularly not those whose habits are to build walls to keep others out  anperhaps failing to recognise theyve locked themselves in  

to his mind they are repugnant he need only look at the ideals which persist in our founding document the Declaration of Independence  which insists all men are created equal

his socialismhis sense of utter democracy equality was creeping up behind the loud American Capitalism with a wire garrote in hand

that is equality

as long as capitalism uses its purse strings to strangle those less fortunate anmany are less fortunate from birth        

0451, Twosday,  10  11. 20
1514,  Monday,  16  11. 20

16.11.20

 

he was concerned he was going to be a shitty parent a shitty father for not taking care of what he should

it woke him in the middle of the night sat heavy on his chest didnt let him fall back to sleep for hours
                                                                                                           it whispered in his ears  stereo  he wanted to tell it to walk awayleave him be until it could play in quadraphonic
                                                                                                        which only pissed it off  it gained weight and turned up the volume
                                                 thats a torture technique Cheney approved while Bush was asleep at the wheel  madcap John Choon Yoo Korean-born American legal scholarHUH provided the (il)legal rationale to torture detainees 
         mindya detainees  unproven  many men held on hearsay many disappeared for bounties paid  RFJ  Rewards for Justice program so very Americanhuh  amounts paid were commiserate to the value of the subject
it wasnt chump change


it whispered louder One morning you don’t wake up, one night you don’t go to sleep; you’ve left your mess for your daughter to clean up . .

motherfucker     
0516,  Saturday,  7  11. 20
1247,  Sunnyday,  15  11. 20



Wellfuck he may have arrived 
                                 hed blogged seven years  little recognition  didnt matter  he wasnt writing for recognition 

if someone noticed  Kool


going through analytics attached to his site it seemed he landed
                                                                   3 of his top 10 Referring URLs whasa URLhe didnt want to know were porn sites

seemed he landed on the moon anwha he groped wasnt green cheese

Ye fetch circumquaquesto make me beleeve, Or thinke, that the moone is made of greene cheese The Proverbs of John Heywood 1546 
                 say All fingers and thumbs  which Johnnieboy wrote then Eche fynger is a thumbe  it reminded him of grade school classmates who couldnt manage the wit to compete in random spelling bees  bene   spelling well

All fingers and thumbs reminded him of thickfingered fatfingered work  trades  vocations

he didnt know where those school days witless had landed 
                                                               he graduated at 17  summer school classes put him over then he bookedleft Chicago in his rearview mirror  

he visited to his family on occasions

if he didnt he wouldnt have seen them

they didnt visit

perhaps it was the tax he had to pay because lock stock and barrel they remained


he emaled his siblings the porn sites where his writing appeared

a tax he assessed them because they remained

they didnt appreciate it
                          algorithms on their computers harrassed – spelled correctly – them advertising fetishes and dildos and dominatrix sites

those ads muddied their waters unlike he ever could 

Aah  he put the technology that they adored and offended him to work to his benefit

the teeter totter beneath them gained more of an equilibrium
                                                                a teeter taunter  HA

0025,  Sunnyday,  15  11. 20
1333,  Sunnyday,  15  11. 20

15.11.20

 

Hmm  I might just have to try it in for size

she leeredgrinning 
                    My. Really?  Then by all means, I’m game; I’m happy to oblige.

he leered back 
                You are  You realise yare takin my breath away doncha

Moneys where your mouth is, doll.

Doll hed not been called doll in a while he mused that he may have his hands full as he walked over to the turntable
You familiar with The Who

I am.

Are you familiar with their song You Better You Bet

Shit, you seem always to come up with an appropriate song for the moment, like they’ve been waiting to be queued up.

Thats on you you queued it up I try my best but youll have to understand I have a long deep wide soundtrack an repertoire 
            Cums he winked with age

Oh stop, you’re killing me.

Thats my intention Im regarding the obscene twinkle in your eye

Well, better you read my eye than my min . . 
. . Windows to your soul babe your eyes are windows to your soul

Then why don’t you stop with your voyeurism, shut up, and get on with it.


You Better You Bet began
                            he didnt say another word
 
0858,  Monday,  9  11. 20
1221,  Sunnyday,  15  11. 20
The Who  You Better You Bet  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UCfO9zClQ8I 


You have a lot of art on your walls.

Thank you

Your collection is varied, photographs, photographs that I thought were paintings, oils, watercolours, newspaper frontpages.

I appreciate you acknowledge News as art

Two have fingerprint smudges on them.

Yes.

Yours?

One South Viets Surrender Kennedy Slain are my Maws Yare perceptive

Thank you, all your pieces are captivating, they're not just wallhangings, decorative.

Thatd be a wastehuh

Yes. Some people hang art, others hang decorations . . his voice trailed off

Not that theres anything wrong with that  you were going to say

Yes. I was.

It goes without saying  he bellylaughed 
                                          I love that line  because we always say it

That’s true, very true, it begs to be said.

A mighty cute beggar I cant resist 
                                    However you did

I didn’t only because you stepped on my lines, were reading ahead from the script.

Yah  Sorry about that chief

Get Smart.

Ah  picks up on allusionscaught it on re-runshuh  I knew I liked you despite your lousy taste in professional football teamsthe 49ers  Christ

You ought to speak, da Bears.

I have a reason

Let’s hear your excuse.

No  Reason   I have a reasonI was born in Chicago

I was born in Califor . .
. . Though not San Francisco

I submit, in California, any California team is legitimate.

So youd allow born in Chicago is possibly more than legit

Where you going with this?

Did you just it goes without saying  me

 

I suppose I did.

Fine This is going to my reason for being a Bears fan all my lifeI was watching them at my uncles knees between their hands at the coffee tabletheir sweating cans of beer cigarettes and cigars smouldering in big glass ashtrays

Very descriptive; on with it.

Every child born in Chicago is inoculated made a Bears fan It happens in states back East Never did catch on much west of the Mississippi though there are pocketsusually college teams Say the Sooners Although prevalent in Texas even for high school teams

 

You’re so full of shit.

Nah he pulled his short sleeve up on his left arm and showed him where he scarred he didnt tell him it was DPThe wouldnt have known  DPT vaccinations were discontinued before he was born

Well, shit, that looks like that hurt.

Wouldnt know I was young 
                               Show me your 49ers scar

he watched expressions tumble under the skin of his facehe was trying to figure out if he was being serious or not

So which pieces on the wall attracted you attention the most

My favorites?

Favourites  Favourite

he walked over to a black narrowframed small painting at the head of the hall leading to the bath and bedrooms  it was executed in red and blue oil stabbed couple of time with purple 
                                                                  This one intrigues me, and I suppose being intrigued might make it a favourite; you seem drawn to abstracts.

Yes

Do you know the story behind the painting?

I do Thats Tajs painting

You knew the artist?

In a manner of speaking 

In a manner of speaking, how do you mean? Seems either you did or didn’t.

Taj was an elephant She died about seven years back My eldest daughter was an elephant trainershe knew Taj I knew Taj only from the times I visited the animal park where my daughter worked with her

She painted it in 2003 when she was 64
                                          What does it look like to you

I don’t know that I see anything in it.

Yare perceptive

I’m on the spot, what do you see?

When I tell you youll kick yourself Its I think as plain as the nose on your face

Do tell.

The red oil top to bottom offset right Im giving you a hint

he looked hard again his expressions mixing under his skin 
                                                                I don’t see.

Do you see how the paint separates near the bottom in two  
                                                              Another hint

he was upsetting him with his hints Would you just please say? I don’t like this hinting game.

Sorry I do apologise On rare occasion people have seen it

It’s an abstract, I’m not good with abstract; I prefer figurative pieces, landscapes, you have those too.

I do Although you werent drawn to them as much as Tajs

Yes. That is true.   Would you say what you see?

Of course The red figure can you see it as a figure the earsthe eyes – he pointed to them – the short armsthe longer legs  the trunk

Oh my God.

You see

I do. A self-portrait. Taj, standing erect, as a human being. The purple . . elongations . her tusks . . shes shed.

You see

0304,  Reggae Friday,  6  11. 20
1244,  Saturday,  14  11. 20

14.11.20

 

he was heading to San Diego out of Portlandheading down the 5 

Buttonwillow was as good a place as any to stop stretch his legs get a bite  on the shoulder of the road as he exited he saw a weathered shingle that advertised a pupuseriaWha the hell was that sounded exotic he missed whose pupuseria

he found it Titas just the name warmed his heart  

then inside their curtido warmed the rest of him

he started to soften like heated wax  

Diego could wait for tomorrow it was growing dark hed spend the night the Bueno Vista Motel was right up his alley

clerk told him he lucked out one room had come open earlier that afternoon the tenant died  I thought you should know. 

I appreciate that Did heexcuse me or she die in bed

No. In the bathroom.

In the tub or shower

No. Found her on the floor.

Was she on the floor long

No. Neighbors next door heard a thud, they knew her, rapped on the door, when she didn’t answer they got me.

Ill take it for the night

We rent by the week.

he smiled 
            Ive rented by the week You collect the week upfront if not more Im gonna guess your deceased tenant probably had a couplethree days if not more time on her lease Ill give you a Ulysses yare ahead As a matter of fact if you arent the proprietor yare really ahead 

Im out before noon

the clerk smiled wolfishly

You had someone do a cursory cleaningyah Fresh sheets blanket towels washcloth  Yah

Yes. Would you like a bar of soap?

I appreciate your hospitality he said as he unfolded a Ulysses from a fold of bills he carried in his front pocket I carry my own

the clerk took the 50

I dont suppose you want me to sign your ledger but Ill need a receipt You wont have to sign in blood

the clerk scribbled on a Bueno Vista notepad and handed it to him

he looked
           You didnt sign it he handed it back

the clerk signed it and handed it back to him

Lemme see your ID   Rafael looks like Rafaelgot a tagger flair to it I know my signature has a similar flair

the clerk seemed reticent

The 50s real I just wanna make sure yare not a mirage or a spooka ghost

the clerk went the billfold in his back pocket opened it showed him his Mexican ID a matricula consular

Thank you Rafael  Yaknow that cards no longer acceptable as ID in California A recent law But why would you be carrying it if it wasnt you  Right

Okay, you say, gringo.

Close Joe My names Joe 
                            Rafael is there a bar nearbywalkin distance where I could wet my whistle I didnt see one on my way here from Titas

You know Titas?

I hadnt but I saw their sign exiting the highway Delicious Asked an employee and she told me about youthat maybe you might have a room

You could have said that earlier.

Wha an miss our tete-a-tete achieve détente

I dont know what you’re talking about.

That one of us does is plenty A bar

You saw the packaged goods store. Liquor there. In Shafter, not walking distance, Foxy Lady, halfhour.

Is it worth the roll Ive been on the road all day

Brother the kindest Rafael had been It’s worth the roll he tossed him the keys  Number 9.

he thought to himself Well shit Hendrix Beatles  The stars have aligned Appreciate that amigo 

they both started laughing

You’re welcome, gringo.

 

illuminated Gulf Corporation signs over the door once upon a time in another galaxy a long ago he hustled them two brightpink capsules on their sideone over the other  Foxy Lady in script over COCKTAILS

going through the door he saw they had a pool table money was being held and not small money he might be able to pay for his room his gas his trip dependent on if theyd play him

the barmaid approached him

she wasnt attractivewasnt homely she was however built Mickey Spillane built she had a fine First Person nose wide eyeshed have to pump her about the her freckles he had a soft spota hard on for freckles

Jess 
      she wouldnt refer to herself as a barmaid rather on the nametag on the white lapel of her black serving outfit they were a long way from Vegas maybe she was on a farm club team cutting her teeth it read in fine script diagonal from her name Cocktail Waitress

Jess I see youll be my cocktail waitress this evening

I am.

Sensational Have a house specialty you might recommend

Care for a Bloody Mary, they’re made with tequila.

Came over on a recommendation from Buttonwillow dined on pupusa and curtido  Sounds spot on Ya readin my mind 
                          he smiled she laughed she didnt cover her mouth  Trust me  yadon wanna be reading my mind 
                      she laughed harder  incandescent
he liked her

halfway through his second Bloody Mary Jess admitted she asked the bartender also a woman to pour him heavy he asked if he could buy her a drink most places hed been had allowed it until recently

she said yes Jess also had a Bloody Mary 
                                              they were getting along famously
he crossed his fingers for infamously


he didnt pressed the pool table he did cover his tab and a generous tip for Jess 


shes a cocktail waitress 
                          he wondered at closing time if she might be cajoled to open up 

or vacation in Diego with him

see where things went

 

Are you a betting girl Jess

I am.

Lets flip a coin

she smiled 

              Let me see the coin first
 
occurred early AM, Reggae Friday,  13  11. 20
1359,  Reggae Friday,  13  11. 20

 
        Friday the 13th  our luck  the president who had been mute with defeat took to the Rose Garden to actually do some work boorishly he read with occasions of epizeuxis from a prepared script  one-minute in he remarked that Pfizer announced on Monday that its China virusSTOP STOPSTOP  STOP its NOT a China virus it is a Republican-enabled Trump virus the infectionsthe deaths are on their heads the only reason they may claim that blood is not on their hands is because they threw them up in the air when they surrendered months ago  recall it will go away like magic

Pfizer announced its Republican-enabled Trump virus vaccine is more than 90 percent effective

0000,  Saturday,  14  11. 20