his daughter lunged for his shoulder as he stepped into the crosswalk

feeling her hand at it he considered shrugging her off then opted to grab her hand and pull her into the crosswalk with him Are you crazy? she barked

she couldnt break his hold and stumbled into the street behind him

quickly he tossed a glarestabbed at finger at the driver of a late model white Suburban

. . I rent only white vehicles now his daughter told him I’ve discovered it’s easier to see the dents or blemishes that they might try to hang on you.

How smart are you

Well, Papa, I like to think I didn’t fall far from the tree.

No you havent  Its a little spooky You remind me of me

I’ll take that as a compliment.

I’ll take that as a compliment

                              she smiled her dimples went off she and her sister had their mothers dimples he saw her in his girls It was lovely though bittersweet

Are you crazy?!

                 he didnt answer hertheyd converse once they crossed the street 

the Suburbans brakes bitscreeched  its body dippedthe driver glared

letem glarepricks glare pricks think they own the road

this motherfucker probably had his nails manicured  was waxed

a white Suburban

a huge intersection

dent  Obvious

blood  Obvious

                 anif he wasnt hurt too badly hedve gotten upyanked his door openyanked him out of his drivers seat strangled him with his seatbelt

that was the script

on the other side of the street his daughter was back on him He could have hit you; us.

He could have but that would have been stupid of him

You pull this shit regularly?

Every opportunity I get

Christ, Papa.

No Christ baby  He aint got a damn thing to do with it

Why do you risk getting hit?

Somebodys got to draw a line  I suppose Ive assumed that responsibility

Papa.

Dont get frustrated baby Im just fulfilling what apparently is my calling My job is to vex authority and assholes

Theyll have to kill me to stop me

Ever think of me and Sis

I do An I know you both know who I am  I havent been different since you girls were littlehave I

No

No Good  Then we understand each other

Hard to teach old dogs new tricks An Ive been an old dog since I was a young boy

One day, one day your action, decision, may turn ugly.

Im at my best when things are ugly

Id think youd know that

I know that, that you’ve said; I just don’t think I want to witness it.

Are you being chickenshit

Christ, Papa, chickenshit? Really?

Ive always taught you and your sister by actions not words Why would I step back from that now that were older Or rather  I am older

I wouldnt

I wont

Youre stuck with a gregarious old man

Thats why I maintain my physicality  my health

Ill be no pushover

That’s my Papa. Crazy muthafucker.

Yup

Remember it was me who taught you to tell people  You can suck my cock

                                                                         

1320,  Friday the Thirteenth, 2019

The Record Company Goodbye to the Hard Life https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vkehnvXZiT0

he looked up from his book as he sat waiting on his flight at the airport 

to his leftabove him The Weather Channel broadcasted  Dorian  he caught the tailend of whatever it was that scrolled across the bottom of the screen “ . . can create a lot of missouri.” 

Ohbrutha missouri  Really

                                  

                                       but on second thought he stopped rolling his eyes sneaking in the backdoor was a memory of his parents taking the family southwest on a car trip to look at property a possibly investment

while his parents were taken around by a real estate agent for an investment firm  lakeside property he and his brother walked down to the lake from the cabin provided for their family 

they ran into some of the local boys who took exception to them  they talked funny

We talk funny? they were from Chicago You listening to the words coming out of your mouths? his younger brother was an agent provocateur

his father told him when he was even younger if a fight seemed imminent “Throw the first punch; lotsa fight are won by one punch.”

fortunately his brother was as crazy as he wasthey were only a year apart he knew hed have his back

too bad he didnt have more arms

although he did have the advantage of surprise

two on five was a stretch

maybe some adults would converge and separate them

the adults took their sweet fucking time

they probably recognised he and his brother werent from around there

despite the split lips black eyes bruises more of them went to the ground and more often than they did

they had an older cousin who was obsessed with boxing 

Jimmy knocked them both around his parents basement

but he also knocked some skills into them too

Jimmy would have been pleased

their parents werent

they left the next morning their parents said it wasnt going take two days for them to realise the lots were over-priced

nice of them that they hung their reasons for departing on the investment company

as they rolled out of development past the lake he and his brother couldnt resistseemingly spontaneouslyrolling their windows down HEY! and flipped off a couple of the battered local boyshe wanted to bellow FUCK YOU! but he was within striking distance of both his mother and father

he used restraint

                  it was an awful tether that he often slipped when he was on his own

“ . . can create a lot of missouri.”

missouri

misery

same ball park

                he didnt feel any particular missouri about it figured it was more for the boys who werent out playing as they left

he felt noses give way

0637,  Twoday,  27  8. 19

1339,  Thursday,  12  9. 19

he wondered how this would go

he hadnt seen her in a year

a year

              others who cared for himloved him were perturbed that he hadnt seen her

rather  she hadnt seen him

he extended himself

she was unwell

she refused

he wasnt bothered or upset

they spoke or texted every day

                                usually

because she wasnt well he didnt sweat it if she didnt communicate with him

he let her reach out firsthe didnt want to disturb her

he told her long ago to selfishly care for herself

                                                 she was her first priority

he wasnt going to renege

“Still . . . “ family friends argued

he laughed

               then clearing his throat  Not real comfortable in your relationshipshuh

One should know their worthshould be good in their own skin

he couldnt think of a time since he was a young teenager that he worried about how other people reacted to him or thought about him

he wasnt around to please them

                                  it was his life

hed do as he wanted

coercion wouldnt make him submit

Ah

        it went just how he thought it would

0951,  Twosday,  10  9. 19   

                 what I had to do I did

                                                            bittersweet 

Im back

1018,  Twosday,  11  9. 19

                                                              Theres something I have to do

I thought I had done it

but then I woke up in my bed alone

I hadnt laid down in it

that afternoon my father-in-law begged off a hike we agreed wed make 

but he couldnt have

he died twelve years ago

and in bed when I collapsedspent we were spent on top of my lover  rolled off her moist backkissing her shouldersmelling her fragrance she turned onto her side to face me

                                                                         we kissed feebly still catching our breaths deliciously  shes beautiful   shes 24 

she was 24 ten years ago

Theres something I have to do

Ill be back

0959,  Sunday,  25  8. 19

if he had a pool he wouldnt have been upsetDamn hed have joined them 

                                                                               he wasnt one who waited on possibilities 

he informed thempulled them up by their roots  having matured  and ran amok with themslapping at his thighsheld chest high so they didnt trip him  

were they all good ideas

                            No

were they fun even if they werent a good idea

                                                  Yes

and he saw to it if they went south he was the one who suffered the brunt of his err his miscalculation   usually

before he read the book by Cheeverbefore he saw the film starring Burt Lancaster The Swimmer he conceived the idea and with a select group of kids willing soulsfuckin willing souls though how could a soul not be when tempted with lots of naked flesh 

                 bucknaked is a powerful playful incentive  

as his brainchild evolved it began to precede itself 

                                                     kids approached him wanting to be a part of his next excursionthat next refreshing adventure and their pursuit forced him to look outside beyond the friendly confines of his own neighbourhood surrounding neighbourhoods that shit didnt happen germanely he had to find new places  where in the long run he might not be able to curry favour 

however isnt that the point of an adventure

                                              it seemed it was to him and he was the tenpin the gatekeeper shit didnt happen until he until  he   made it happen

he created its exclusivity

                           and kids begged to be included

they gathered cars and rolled into neighbourhoods where they went from from pool to pool skinnydipping  they played frolicked didnt move offpoint until they were discovered

the pool owners called the police 

                                   thick again hed have joined in but some peoplethese people had a stick up their ass

Man hed love to run that puppet show

                                          and he wouldnt grease the sticks that they obviously enjoyed shovedup their ass

he got it

he knew what offended them

the swinging dicks upset them

                                 somehow ugly cocks upset their balance and defiedsurpassed the heartstopping beauty of young heaving breasts  bikini trims  before Brazilian waxes 

Are you fuckin kiddin me

he was certain utterly positive if all his skinnydippers were at once women then no one would have emerged from the sliding glass doors of their homes onto the paver decks screaming Get out! Get out! I’ll call the police!

he was confident they could have been able to swim to their hearts content

granted that was his takehis perception although hed like to hear the argue against it

perhaps one day he might be able to afford a pool

                                                     he would hope its underwater bluelighted electricwhite shimmering might prove to be a seductive lure

unless ofcourse skinnydipping nudity  shining wet young bodies  now were unappealing

Oh what a world! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uQJ8WrKnLUs Oh what a world!

eat a gun

0934,  Twosday,  20  8. 19

1131,  Monday,  26  8. 19

https://www.theguardian.com/books/2015/aug/31/the-swimmer-by-john-cheever-into-a-suburban-darkness

Pere Ubu  Real World  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IViXvcmdKB4

when the levee breaks

he needed to wrioteto get out from under his own stomping feethis aggressive beating heart seek a dull sympathydull hard compassion  which only being alone could provide 

he didnt need to cry in anyones soupon their shoulder because then all hed do is cry

his catharsis didnt need an audience it didnt need hands diminished by himhis deadweight thrown on top them  evenif they said it was alright

grief  sympathy  are like malignant cancer

involving involving   involved

                                  and unable to solve a damn thingYes  providing a solution isnt necessary 

however  be better to seek a solution than simply suffer a brutes beating

he didnt sleep well

he went to bed late no incentive to sleep alone 

his daughters telephone call woke him early

she needed supportshed needed support

he offered her that years ago thats what fathers doshould do 

they were fathers until they died anif someone didnt want that obligation they shouldnt have children

it wasnt that she wasnt strongnot that she was unaware

                                                             rather if she didnt release the violent water her emotions induced her levee could be overwhelmed  possibly sweeping her away

strong swimmers drown

Imagine love  Im holding your hands

they talked

they examined

they didnt form a solution

but they did securereinforce her levee

  

when they had hungup he poured himself a cup of black coffee

ate a cold date

sipped Irish 

                 the alchemy helped

then he overlayed his ritualtopped it off with Tools Schism ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yMMz2VwbhVI ) he needed creep “to bring the pieces back together” creep helped offsetalways the permutations which occurred to him and stricken him and twisted him at the molecular level of his DNA

sounds grandiose

                               inflated

it wasnt

let someone say it was

they may never find their voice again

                                          hed have torn it out of their throats

and wasnt inclined to return it

Finders Keepers

childish?

           sometimes belligerent childishness works

ugly

reactionary

immature

                So? they were welcome to try and take it back from him

people arent courageous

not even when they are forced to suffer disadvantages  imagine that

                                                                                imagine that

hed tear someones cock off

or die trying

courageous   no  that isnt the right word

whats the right wordthe right word when one respondsad hoc  to being violated

                                                                                     maybe it was the granularthe instilled “Play nice with other” “Turn the other cheek”

he was of another tribe

if violence depredation seemed imminent 

he struck first

                        if they tried to get up off their backs all hell would break loose

his advantage

he needed to wriote

wrioting was a reprievehe understood that

                                                  atleast something tangible was made from his angst

1212,  Saturday,  24  8. 19

Led Zeppelin  When the Levee Breaks  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FFDYuO53BUk

Rolling Stones  Paint It Black  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=170sceOWWXc  

DRUMPF on Twitter at 1:41 a.m.: "Before I arrived in France, the Fake and Disgusting News ( Ohbrutha was he now going to have to refer to the FAKE PRESIDENT as the FAKE AND DIGUSTING PRESIDENT . . was the clown gonna keep heaping inflammatory adjectives was he gonna have to keep applying those derogative terms onto him – Apparently! – Drumpf keeps disregarding the words written on his teleprompter and going on an on with his own minimal intellect grasp – he recalled “A man’s grasp should exceed his reach” Robert Browning  betcha Drumpf has NO clue who Browning was ) was saying that relations with the 6 others countries in the G-7 are very tense, and that the two days of meetings will be a disaster. Just like they are trying to force a Recession, they are trying to "will" America into . .

". . bad Economic times, the worse the better, anything to make my Election more difficult to win. Well, we are having very good meetings, the Leaders are getting along very well, and our Country, economically, is doing great - the talk of the world!"

Drumpf hallucinating in Real Time

Is there a doctor in the house?                                                                                                                               when his convulsions physically manifest themselves hell need all the help he can get – unlike Jeffrey Epstein – he wants Drumpf to be disposed and have his day daze in court

1326,  Sunday,  25  8. 19

https://outlook.live.com/mail/inbox/id/AQMkADAwATYwMAItOTA3MS04MGZhLTAwAi0wMAoARgAAA3WjpKc7cPZFny%2BrLdaubrMHAMepe1zO4DpMpnJXM8BCucMAAAIBDAAAAMepe1zO4DpMpnJXM8BCucMAAsMiZ3gAAAA%3D

Pere Ubu  Real Time  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IViXvcmdKB4

MAGA

“. . any total, all-consuming creed will first separate “us” from “them”, and then separate “them” from the rest of the human family. Dehumanisation has been the overture to every genocidal opera . .”

America hasnt had a good oldfashioned genocide since the First People Black Americans are a work-in-process sigh

Make America Great Again

1114,  Sunday,  25  8. 19

https://www.theguardian.com/books/2019/aug/23/in-praise-of-address-unknown-the-anti-nazi-novel-that-saw-into-the-future?utm_term=RWRpdG9yaWFsX0Jvb2ttYXJrcy0xOTA4MjU%3D&utm_source=esp&utm_medium=Email&utm_campaign=Bookmarks&CMP=bookmarks_email

he walked over to his barrister bookcasethought he might like to read read noir  hardboiled maybe Chandler Hammett McCoy Hughes Cain MacDonald several books by each were bookended by Hemingway and Faulkner Miller and Nin to the right of Faulkner 

                      read of private dicks gangsters and cops OhMy! soldiers dames socio-psycho-paths Uh OhMy! The Wizard of Oz was always traipsing about his mind those who rose up against the fray unblinking strident coldblooded what warmth they had might be the burn of ice as it numbed pain that warmth only after ice dulled it dumbed it into submission  or when blood finally coagulatedclotting under fierce pressure

Nah his eyes narrowed  they burned

                                           he only thought he wanted to read to take himself offpoint

he fingered the glasses in his breast pocket

their weight affected him

their pull gravity  their tilt lean he could feel them at his shoulder at the seams of his shirt feel their minor mild irritation

they were new glasses 

new things irritated him 

though he knewrealised he had to accommodate them

put up with them

that irritation was the same as when it came to the weight of cuffs at his wrists buttons at his throat jewelry chains a wristwatch

             they chaffed him

he was probably the most unadorned man someone would meet

buttonflies to zippers pullovers to bonebuttoned shirts baggy pants that caught at his hips rather than belted

the only embraces he could tolerate were lovers great friends  family

outside that realm things were impediments

                                                often others had to learn the hard way 

his way had been the hard way

he made it this far

so he had little or no sympathy

his compassion was hard won

                                 but once won hed give his arm  

his devotion and loyalty were nickel-encased fortified  hardened he could be an ugly bitched prick

if it served his purpose

he didnt dance

1423, Twosday,  20  8. 19 

1341,  Friday,  23  8. 19