he walked over to his barrister bookcasethought he might like to read read noir  hardboiled maybe Chandler Hammett McCoy Hughes Cain MacDonald several books by each were bookended by Hemingway and Faulkner Miller and Nin to the right of Faulkner 

                      read of private dicks gangsters and cops OhMy! soldiers dames socio-psycho-paths Uh OhMy! The Wizard of Oz was always traipsing about his mind those who rose up against the fray unblinking strident coldblooded what warmth they had might be the burn of ice as it numbed pain that warmth only after ice dulled it dumbed it into submission  or when blood finally coagulatedclotting under fierce pressure

Nah his eyes narrowed  they burned

                                           he only thought he wanted to read to take himself offpoint

he fingered the glasses in his breast pocket

their weight affected him

their pull gravity  their tilt lean he could feel them at his shoulder at the seams of his shirt feel their minor mild irritation

they were new glasses 

new things irritated him 

though he knewrealised he had to accommodate them

put up with them

that irritation was the same as when it came to the weight of cuffs at his wrists buttons at his throat jewelry chains a wristwatch

             they chaffed him

he was probably the most unadorned man someone would meet

buttonflies to zippers pullovers to bonebuttoned shirts baggy pants that caught at his hips rather than belted

the only embraces he could tolerate were lovers great friends  family

outside that realm things were impediments

                                                often others had to learn the hard way 

his way had been the hard way

he made it this far

so he had little or no sympathy

his compassion was hard won

                                 but once won hed give his arm  

his devotion and loyalty were nickel-encased fortified  hardened he could be an ugly bitched prick

if it served his purpose

he didnt dance

1423, Twosday,  20  8. 19 

1341,  Friday,  23  8. 19