he had to push to one side or the other or remove 4X6 photosnaps in order to get to the books on his studio bookshelf  his three-volume set of Mark Twains autobiography Umberto Eco David Foster Wallaces Infinite Jest considered his magnum opus 

                                     which stood happily beside Berkeley Breatheds Bloom Countys Opus the Penguin

Anwhynot

            if he was literature or a comicbook or porn hed be happy and righteous standing besideabreast his leafy page-numbered brethren and soulmates

he wanted to get at Consider the Lobster but recognised he had to wash his handshis fingernails to remove any scabparticles or moist blood from picking them  Lobster was a first edition

Would you quit picking.

Would you leave me alone

You keep picking at your scabs, you’ll scar.

Do you think I care  My skins smooth scabs are like scales like Im a lizard a snake a fish besides I like the small pain from picking them 

                   theyll help me manage larger pains I know are coming down the pike  Im mighty careless throw my body around

Are you admitting something? 

                               You’re upsetting me.

Maw I think being an athlete requires a prescribed sense of masochism obviously a sense of sadism inflicting what pain you can on an opponent 

                          See wholl back down  So plucking scabs is an satisfying appetizer  a prelim to bigger better things

Better? How better? 

If I get the better of them

        

2337,  Reggae Friday,  25  6. 21

https://www.npr.org/2015/10/12/447117474/bloom-county-and-opus-the-penguin-return-after-a-25-year-hiatus 

Steam Down feat. Afronaut Zu – Etcetera  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WL6mMhkkyL4 

she looked at himgave him the stink eye

                                           next up he thought she was going to tell him to go fly a kite 

Wha yawant I should sleep in the bed Ive made 

                                                  snake the words out of her mouth

that would irritate her 

                        she always had words to sparewords left over  anif given hafachance shed spew them so ya couldnt walk away for fear of steppingslipping on them  anit wasnt like ya could sit on a stoop or a street curb and scrape them off easily with a stick 

he always felt bad for the green sticks he cut off bushes or trees with his jackknife because he killed the stick  but he needed something stiff and supple at once to get into the tight places he needed scrubbedcleaned away 

                                                                                                             words  if aged wrung of their essence  smelled as bad as dogshit 

Wha

her eye hung on him

blatantly he checked his fly to make sure it wasnt open 

                                                          Would you stop? I’m your mother. 

Donhang onto that as some kind of lucky charm Maw  donwork on me  your other kids maybebut not me 

Whas on your mind

You’re very rude, you know that?

Ah  I learned from the best 

                             Its uncomfortable to be on the receiving end isnt it

her eye grew larger 

                         then  I was talking with your aunt he had eleven an she rarely said who without being squeezed  as far as he was concerned she might as well have said someone they said

My aunt She thinks whaya think or did she need to be convincedsee the error of her ways

Goodness, you’re a pain in the ass this evening.

Nah nah  Im tired Im not innarested in a tete-a-tete tonight

Well, if I’m brief, may I bounce something off you?

Bounce yamay Bounce an brief almost rhyme  Yes briefly

Briefly.

Then please bounce

Your aunt said Once we know something, we can’t unknow it . . what do you think of that?

I followI appreciate her premise however  I would refute her

Refute her? How? Once you know you can’t unknow. 

Maw, we forget much of what we learn

0048,  Monday,  21 6. 21

1026,  Saturday,  26  6. 21

Vibration Black Finger  Sawalha  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dkleepl-w8I 

 

 

it riled himgot under his skin when people talked casually about soulmates a given yaknow  Hey  got a TicTac 

he hadnt gotten past the first requirement 

                                           to have a soul 

cant have one without the other

if soul then whaif one does and their mate doesnt through no fault of their own   

or is the assumption everyone has a soul 

                                           what about the manipulations churchy folksMormons  who believe they can bandy about with souls proxy-baptism JesusChrist  a queer door swung wideopen

anif everyone has a soul then all living things have a soul 

                                                              but aint it like human beings to bestow something onto themselves yet deny others other earthlings 

You think a stone has a soul?

Possibly when it was malleable forming if one believes in souls then yes  however when regarding a cold stone like a cold dead body likely that soul has hastened away               

possibly to align with yet another improbable soul-thingy  reincarnation 

he was not convinced 

                          however he would admit this  if . . if  one of a pair of soulmates dies the survivors comfort is knowing they will be reunited if they can remember with their love again in the past or the future

 

he was fortunate to fall in love three times 

                                             although he could not say or did they ever agree to call themselves soulmates

1738,  Thursday,  24  6. 21

1209,  Reggae Friday,  25  6. 21

Vibration Black Finger  Empty Streets  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hetKrh9W9EU

https://www.theamericanconservative.com/dreher/are-mormons-stealing-grandpaps-soul/

 

Wow Man ohman he thought as he shook his head in disbelief hed seen some shit some oddirrational things  but comon using yellow adhesive tape rather than paintinglacing the breaks in the concrete sidewalk to identify them so the public wouldnt trip and fall on its face was ludicrous

                                                        the tape was peeling in disarray Have Tape No Paint a play on an old black and white television show Have Gun--Will Travel  

he was walking and reading he wouldnt have noticed although he wouldnt have tripped it was only because a teenager curtly hustling past him tripped on the crack it flagged step on a crack break your mothers back  always pickin on mom  a classic spastic stumblestumble down on his face  he wasnt agility enough to dig outregain his balance 

Damn probably hurt a-bug-up-his-ass’ pride had to be embarrassing

gathering himself off his face on a knee on his feet he turned on him Are you laughing at me?

Are you awright

Are you laughing at me?

I am not are you awright

You think that was funny?

Since yare awright actually   yah 

                                    Ya didnt see the flimsy yellow tape on the crack Yellow Caution

he hoped the red growing in the boys face was embarrassment the boy would be mistakin if it was anger

                                                                                                               he looked a bit like a cartoon thermometer before it burst under a smiling hot yellow sun

suddenly the boy turned on his heels and fled up the sidewalk away from him  an promptly stumbled on the next taped crack 

he didnt go down though 

                           he yelled after him YARE GETTING BETTER 

the boy ignored him 

he opened the book Joan Didions Let Me Tell You What I Mean to read as he began walking again

he had lotsa practise 

                      been doing it since he was a boy

1337,  Thursday,  24  6. 21

1046,  Reggae Friday,  25  6. 21

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F63ImH5tk28

 

things always come in threes all good things come in threes    Nah  things happen in threes

the three that occurred inside the market were better than the ones that happened after he leftholding a sixpak like a football in his arm and climbing into his buddys car

backing out the woman across the aisleup from them driving a black F150 backed out without looking 

                                                                                                           had he not yelled STOP at the top of his lungs she would have clobbered them broadside

the uncomfortable hesitancyaccusationadmission following a near-accident ensued 

                                                                                        which they alleviated by pulling forward into the space so she could back up furthur then cut her wheels left and leave

after getting a pass on that calamity leaving the parking lot two other drivers cut off their lane angled across it off the tailend of a parked car rather than making an appropriate lefthand turn as they neared the intersections 

                                                                                                              awkwardly the drivers veered right to make it around them and refused to make eye contact

What the fuck he muttered as he exhaled

You can say that again.

What the fuck

Thanks, you believe that? Nearly hit three times inside a minute inside the same damn parking lot.

Well they are private property an no one has to honour the rules of the road which otherwise would be ticketed on the street 

      An everyones in a big fuckin hurry

Unbelievable. 

they made their way to an exit out of hell

descending a ramp to the street he chuckled 

                                               Mymy things are coming at us in threes today  My three inside the market were better

You had three inside?

I did I would have said sooner but you were playing pinball wizard 

they took a right 

                 no sooner was he on the road he stroked his directionallooked left checked his sideview mirror worked his way over two lanes to get into a lefthand turn lane

while he maneuvered he didnt talk to him he knew he could only do one thing at a time

they stopped at the redlight

Thanks for not talking to me as I made my way across traffic.

No sweat ya cant do two things at once ya cant do two things at once

I can’t.

        Now you were saying about your three things.

Yes Im even more tickled considering the three weve suffered on top of them 

One 

     the guy directly ahead on me in linewe were fourth an fifth in line six feet apart he shouldnt have worn sandalsdont ask me why I looked he held a tall bouquet of sunflowersshould have cut his toenails before he came out Turns out hes an impulse buyer 

                                  He grabbed a bag of Doritos a bag of Cheetos from a display at the edge of checkout Moving forward above the magazine rack was a display of barkTHINS dark chocolate pretzels with sea salts He juggled the Doritos and Cheetos to his arm holding the bouquetcellophane creaking then with his left hand he clutched one two then a third bag of pretzels 

                                      I wanted to ask him if he had a match although I resisted hed have lost one or all the pretzelshe was barely hanging onto them  Finally he was able to place his items on the conveyer belt He walked up with one item an walks out with six To his obvious reliefvisibly they bagged the products for him to leave

That’s nuts.

I gotta agree I thought women were who made compulsive purchases  My apologises ladies 

That was the first?

Yes Im impressed Apparently good fright serves you well usually had I stopped there you wouldnt remember Id mentioned three things

the arrow went green

he made a left

once he completed the turn and they began down curvy Santa Ysabel he said If I wasn’t almost hit three times I probably wouldn’t have remembered; thank you for not talking as I turned.

Yabetcha

And?

Number two on the hit parade 

                                Because I noticed the guys toenails I had to look away My head came upI looked left down the aisle that runs before the cash registers  Waiting with a cart parallel with the aisle so not to obstruct it was a buxom attractive Mexican woman brown skin long curly jetblack hair all set off indubitably by her white facemask huge black eyes  she was gazingoff in her head somewhere while she waited an ofcourse she would because I was looking  she leaned over the cart handle to her purse that hung from the childs seat an leaning forward her blouse billowed open just for a couplethree seconds an Im looking down her blouse her breasts exposed My my Then she stood upright again oblivious to the peek she provided 

                                                         I ran her on Replay an watched her another fivesix times before Compulsive began juggling snacks

Jesus! How the hell does that happen for you?

Im observant an just less than half the population I donpay any attention to at all

Men. There is that. he nodded approvingly

There is 

Three 

       since Compulsives juggling obscured or I fogged Breasts replays I looked past her up the aisle an caught this woman a blonde floating like on water towards meyou familiar with that kind of gaitthat effortless propulsion walking is floating its freaking attractive ya don see it too often she was floating man middleaged  keeping it together though not my cup of tea she wore an emblazoned tshirt 

                                                       Wha it say

they approached a STOP four cars converged at once right-of-way seems they forgot

finally the gentleman across from them on Ysabel proceeded into the intersection tipping the stacked dominoes so he proceeded forward and after passing through the two women made lefts behind him

Wha it say 

             An before you answer recall that she was floating as she walked Thats a hint

A hint? what was on her tshirt?

Yes

Floating you say, a fluid gait.

Yes I donsee it very often

Floating . . 

              I have no idea. 

they were approaching another STOP

after crossing the intersection they continued

I’ve no idea, I can’t guess, maybe if I wasn’t driving.

No  Okay 

           Emblazoned across her chest gold cursive letters Goddess  Fuck if she didnt moving like a goddess too It was sensational

That’s crazy, absolutely crazy; I wish I had your threes rather than mine.

Thats understandable however I must say I wish when number two happened she would have been three

Three? Why would you say that?

Imagine shes the third  she leans forward her blouse opens shes Awa she has three breasts 

                                                                                                    Gotta tell ya Im running that in my eyes right now

You and your imagination; good thing I’m driv . .

. . Shaddup  I cant do two things at once

1615ish,  Twosday,  22  6. 21

1237,  Thursday,  24  6. 21

 

Frugal? You haven’t half a clue what frugal is; you got five minutes I can tell you.

he talked like he was going to jump

                                     like a suicide  convinced by his convictions

convictions can make jumpers of everyone

he wasnt a convict

so he opted to hear him out

frugality in this day and age seemed hyperbole

hed like to hear hyperbull 

                           a beast without modesty

I got the time whacha got

My brother; want him, need a brother?

No thanks got three

I got five, we could lose him, wouldn’t be missed.

Too frugal

Can squeeze a penny. 

                        He lives within his means like they were prison walls. He maintains price-points, if a store can’t hit them he does without, the way he sees it the item isn't necessary, and while he rarely wants, he’s extravagant for others.

A thoughtful guyhuh

Oh yeah, full of thoughts.

So whas the knock 

Bags. Paper bags, plastic bags, he has them in abundance, readily plies us with them.

Why does he ply us  the family Ill assume  with bags

Because we toss ours.

Recycle them

Yeah, we don't keep them around, then we turn up short when they’re needed. He pulls our butts out of the fire and forces us to listen to him harangue Waste not, want not; waste not, want not; waste not, want not. Epizeuxis, he says, to drive home his point.

Because hes frugal

Yes. Frugal. I did say plastic bags, right?

Ya did.

I went to visit him. He rented a bigger car so everyone could ride together to our nieces’ soccer games; it was a weekend tournament.

An example of his extravagance

Yes, yes. The parking lot was full so he stopped us at the gate and left the sports complex to park the car somewhere in the neighborhood. He missed the warm-ups and was almost late for the start.

The girls won their games, so they had to return for the afternoon brackets. He went to fetch the car but everyone insisted we walk together.

We got inside, started off, one of the girls pipes up What stinks!  It smelled like someone stepped in dogshit. It was awful.

Everyone who could check their shoes did; nothing.

We rolled the windows down and when we got home he checked his shoes too, everyone rechecked their shoes, no dogshit. It was strange. He left the windows down while we went inside for a light lunch and relaxation.

 

A light rain came up as we were driving back to the complex. We rolled the windows up again. No sooner had we than we could smell it again.

I was sitting directly behind him, and looking down, tucked just underneath bench, under him, I saw a large blue plastic bag, it was folded in half.

I pulled it out, unfolded it, opened it, and got blasted in the face with the stench. Someone shit in the bag. I gagged, nearly tossed my cookies What’s this? I shouted as I hurriedly closed and refolded it; everyone cracked their windows.

He caught me in the rearview, What’s what?

A blue bag.

I picked it up, tossed it in the car.

You didn’t look inside? Didn’t feel a weight?

I did not. Looked like nice big blue bag somebody carelessly left on the parkway.

Yeah, well, let’s discount they were careless.

Frugal muthafucker.

Yah thatsah   frugal 

Afternoon,  Saturday,  12  6. 21

1220,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  23  6. 21

 

      touchstone  a touch stone 

                                   when a touchstone is wood  a gravemarker not a gravestone

how it feels different under his fingers than stone its quiet catches at his whorls and loops gently tugging them reminding him of her brushing his hair not because he was lazythat couldnt do it himself but because he wanted her to do it for him  humoured she chastised him You’re a big boy now, you can brush your own hair. 

she wasnt well hadnt been well for what seemed to him a long time

brushing his hair was one of the few things she could do that didnt exhaust her 

it gave them time alone she talked as she brushed his hair he loved the music of her voice they didnt talk about important things they talked about how they felt about things he listened intently to her because he was very sure when she died he would forget her voice and he wanted to fill his head to bursting with her breath her words to pushback against forgetting how she said them her cadence her particular words phrases

he tried hard to memorise them so when he would say them he might see her face and hearing them maybe catching an echo of her voice  desperately knowing he wouldnt have them if she hadnt said

1722,  Twosday,  15  6. 21

1243,  Monday,  21  6. 21

Jordan Rakei - Wind Parade  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c8xZB5bWTbI 

Steam Down feat. Afronaut Zu – Etcetera  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WL6mMhkkyL4

 

itd been an odd couple of days

an he wasnt one accustom to being taken unawares 

                                                       he had an imagination to fathom most interactions but muthafuck back to back days found him spungroping

there were two conversations

with two women

 

 

Have you ever heard of a malignant narcissist?

Narcissistyah malignant narcissist no Sounds redundant

Ohno, not really, not within the confines of terminology, it’s a blend of disorders: narcissism, and antisocial personality.

Do tell do tell

You think I’m kidding you?

Ah ya know better than to kid me Do tell

I will, I will. 

             they were on the telephone but he could imagine her canines showing as she smiled wryly Internally they’re fragile, they’re aggressive, suspicious of those around them, they see things in black and white. A malignant narcissist has no remorse if they’ve harmed someone . . and they’ll do whatever it takes to get what they want . regardless.

So in a word Republican

Let me finish, please let me finish . .

. . Yare not

No, they’re apex . . creatures . .

. . Im grateful you called them creatures sounds dangerously close to apex predators

They could be, very possibly; they feel empowered by hurting or harming others. No one is superior to them.

 

That it

Jesus, isn’t that enough?

Why arent ya letting me cut to the chaseuse shorthand Republicans

Comon, certainly not all Republicans, can’t allow you such a blanket statement.

If the shoe fits wear it Theyre pernicious theyve align themselves like goosestepping Nazis But given I might be overlybroad perhaps perhaps not  I donwanna take away any bows or curtsies they might wanna take  theyre certainly due for allowing the metastasis  Im being generous to their cause 

                                                                                   Were talking about this why

My exboyfriend.

Your exboyfriend If hes ex why is he bubbling up into our conversation

He’s bubbling up because of his mother. 

Why would an exboyfriends mother matter

A mutual friend’s father died and we ran into each other at the wake.

Ah thank you That makes sense bu . .

. . But why Im bringing her up, the malignant narcissist, is because she, after divorcing his father, probably prior too, slept around, and she didn’t do it cautiously or quietly.

She a looker

A looker. She’d tell me she was insatiable, I love cock, howbout you, honey, you suck my boy’s cock?

Jesus

Jesus? I’d suck Jesus’s cock.

                                    I’m speaking for her.

Yes  I follow

                   Audacious

Audacious, good word. You want to know what’s audacious?

Im all for new definitions interpretations

Of late she’s been going to wakes and funerals of fuckbu . .

. . Whoa Are you going to say   fuckbuddies

I’m not proud about it; but I am. What’s with men unable to keep their dicks in thei . .

. . Stop you What have you done with my friend Really  Dicks in their pants

Dicks in their pants.

Awright

You keep interrupting.

Yare talkin like someone off the street

I’m relating how she talks, I'm not pulling any punches, sparing her. She’s vulgar.

he almost said Do tell do tell

And because she’s been showing up and disrupting these ceremon . . 

. . Cant be too somber if these men were known . . you know

Their survivors have to contend with the aftermath of their relative’s indiscretions. He’s dead; the dead don’t contend.

I can see that

Yes, yes.

           So recently families are hiring bouncers for the entrances to keep her out.

 

 

You knew my husband.

I knew him before you knew himknew him in high schoolthe year out then I moved away

But you knew him.

To be accurate I knew of him On occasions we ran into each other  We were acquaintedwe didnt pal around

Oh, the way the family talked about you . . 

. . I dated his sister 

                      I was out of high school she was in that might have been memorable

It was more than that.

Wha can I say Nice to be remembered

You are memorable.

Yare kind to say 

It wasn’t an amicable parting. 

                                He walked out on me and the girls.

He walked away from his daughters 

                                       Youll excuse me I can understand it takes two to tango Spouses may not be forever  But children are blood

Since he disappeared on us, after all the shit to find him, he hasn’t seen his daughters.

Has not seen his daughters 

                                I donknow I can talk about this Im seeing red

He caught wind our eldest was going to marry. He was peeved, outraged, she didn’t ask him to walk her down the aisle. 

       He wasn’t invited. 

He threatened to come anyways. 

I have no words 

                    He didnt come

He did not, however her cousins, really big men, posted up at the entrances in case he thought to show. They agreed he wasn’t coming inside.

Bouncers at church

Yes, now that I think of it, they were bouncers. 

                                                 Ohmy, I didn’t think that at the time; I was just so grateful for my nephews and how much they love their cousins.

Bouncers. They were bouncers.

They were

What made you think of that? 

I couldnt say

1313,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  9  6. 21

1549,  Father’s Day – Sunday,  20  6. 21

https://www.tikvahlake.com/blog/how-to-identify-a-malignant-narcissist/

IQ EQ

EQ IQ

        nothing really more to understand about their differences  how did she say

Ahyes

           Make no mistake, it’s only a value judgment.

                                                           implying where he might decide to come down would be errant

No all his Noes droned inside his head  Can we rescind judgment an agree to evaluation  Theres more than greyscale the fine gradients you prefer to assign thingsmore to it than subtle reliefs  more to the blackest white an whitest black or if someone can distinguish the difference in the slivers that exist side by side

I cant 

      Anyet somehow you insistrather you believe not think  but believe   believe you can

 

Intelligence Quotient  Emotional Quotient

EQ IQ 

      she was hardheaded  she insisted IQ was the be-all determinant of individuals

Would you shaddup 

I’m not going to shaddup . .

. . Then Ill talk over youYou piddle on your smartphone don deny it  daily likely  it serves up IQ tests an I dare say you partake in virtually every test provided  An every test you take verifies what its algorithms have learned from you you have plainly identified tests you can no more resist than a junkie can a fix

Nice loop 

          Those tests confirm your desired reasoning quantitative reasoning knowledge of the world your visual an spatial processes  working memory  short-term memory  Frankly the tests confirm you because  you need to be confirmed 

she screwed up her face

                          I wouldn’t say I need to be confirmed; however the abilities you cited are important to me.

Yes they are  You are redundant 

                                    That said  what of recognisingidentifying peoples emotions  interacting with them you have to be able to evaluate an understand how theyre feeling too

I can.

You can if you have to if yare forced to  but you prefer keeping people at arms length  thats how you relate to them

I constantly invade your space

I make you uncomfortable

 

she didnt say 

               This is where you usually chime schadenfreude  which tends to make me think of a delectable visuallyappealing apple-cinnamon strudel

I’m aware of you.

Yare aware of me because I spur you intellectually  

                                                      An I enjoy our conversations  your necessity to scribble graphs Venn diagrams statistics  your cool logic

But ya don like it when I heat things up emotionally 

Ya know that I was raised by bitch wolves  wild strong and powerful 

Nothinghuh

It’s your show, your trying to show me up.

I am not  You have the capacitythe intellectual capacity  but you might get hurt 

                                                                                    he laughed curtly 

Wha are the odds

 

afternoon,  Reggae Friday,  11  6. 21

High Noon,  Saturday,  19  6. 21