Whadaya mean

Beats the hell outa me

Ya wrote it

I did

           Ya noted the timeyah

Yah Fortyseven minutes into Friday morn . .

. . Reggae Fridaycomon theres a particular vernacular we recognise

Recognise We only recognise it because you devised it

Yah got that right 

                   When yacome up with something . .

. . Youll take credit for it too

Hmm very likely 

                   Id say it sucks to be you however Id be badmouthing myself an we have plenty others who deride us

Yes Yes  There is that 

                              Still  youve no idea whacha meant

Nah Ive read it over and over again Im tryin to make heads or tails of it

If I may ya wrote There are those who sleep outside of doors and those who sleep behind them

Yes

Have you considered if you actually meant sleep  doors 

                                                            Youd just came out of a hot bath an we know baths play with our mind impregnate us  Yamay have written wha the water meant

The water meant   Thats terribly interesting

Yadon mean interesting ambivalently 

No Why I dropped terribly as an adverb 

                                          Someone isnt terribly ambivalent

Its all a matter of degreesisnt it how someone evaluates somethinganything It carries weigh or it doesnt 

                                                                                                Can I get an Amen brother 

Amen 

       Yare so full of shi . .

. . Yasaid no badmouthing 

Yare pretty fuckin lively toda . .

. . Yare inspiring me

Nice to have a coconspirator

Coconspirators theres more than you know more than ya know

Not too crowded

Never too crowded The walls are elastic an we push them out if we need more room  When yare feelin enlightened thats us pushing the walls out

Im enlivened

Yes the pair Enlightened enlivened  but we disgress 

Which we adore

Yes we do Our linearity is dismal asif school geometry didnt inform uscarve it in stone 

That was a drag

But we triedwe tried very hard

We failed miserably

We failed miserably anyet the teacher passed us with a D Remember Remember how he said he never had a student try so hard yet fail so miserably

Wha are you saying 

Im saying our misery was a success  Not many can say that

Say not boast

I almost said boast  then thought better 

                                             But we digress again

Yes 

      The water

The water Possibly  Whadaya think

he reiterated There are those who sleep outside of doors and those who sleep behind them 

                                                                                                Open waters  Water in plumbing pipes toilet bowls  Open water under sky and sun and stars  Rolling quietly in creeks and streamstributaries rivers puddlesponds lakes estuaries  whipped in the sea 

                                                               Very possible 

Anwhynot

Whynot 

Your neighbours new gate has been weighing on you too though

Yes

Yes Evident 

             Bothers all of us  Containment  An abridgment of a kind

Yes Feels like a corral 

                         An the only times weve been around corrals has been to castrate cattle or kill them slaughter them for meat

Which you were quite good at

I was young  Bloodlust

High school biology Mr Demerest  Said you prepared the best classroom exhibits hed ever had to pleasure displaying

Ya remember that

I do

Thank you Id forgotten

There you have it were good for something

                                                  Boss 

Boss

it was eerie to hear himthem laugh  haunting

Just tryin to lighten things up

 

maybe he didnt ultimately know what he meant 

                                                    but that wasnt always the point

0047,  Reggae Friday,  9  4. 21

1111,  Twosday,  13  4. 21

 

Yare pregnant 

              words he didnt ask  not once even having three children    he couldnt imagine 

once the male rite of passage was buying rubbers 

they were tucked safely behind the pharmacists

he had to stepup step into the breach and speakBARK 

                                                       anhe barked like a big dog because he never wanted to ask  incredulously dumbly  Yare pregnant

then ’65 rolled around 

the game changed

the rite 

    castrated 

Planned Parenthood in its infinite wisdom won their US Supreme Court victory Griswold v. Connecticut 

                                                                                                          anwhile he wasnt chasing tail then he understood its ramifications 

leaving home years later  dating (rubbers burning a hole in his pocket) if the evening went that way and the girl said Don’t, we don’t need that; I’m on the pill. hed say  Prove it

What?

I wanna see

You want to see what?

I want to see your dispenser

You got balls.

I do hence why I wanna see with my own eyes

that abruptbrief dialog he knew the risk killed several amorous adventures 

                                                                                 but better safe than really fuckin sorry

besides  not that the girl knew  a rubberthose rubbers then  thick  were quite desensitising  he was often a handsfree lifelike dildo  hed ream till they screamed and over their panting hed ask  Could ya help a brother out 

                                                                                                             lotsa head

lotsa 69s

           he was grateful  had grateful lovers

 

the Pill was a gamechanger

warm naturallylubricated sex was the best 

                                            though it amped his sensitivity and he wasnt the handsfree lifelike dildo he once was

but reloaded

he could roll one on

and there was a good chance a passionate STOP would ensue I’M TOO SENSITIVE then hed counter that with a good oldfashion tonguelashing 

                           a couplethree times he seriously thought they broke his nose 

                                                                                         but fuck  a small price to pay

 

and for his disciplinehis mindfulness 

                                        never did ask  Yare pregnant 

1947 or 747,  7  4. 21,  Twosday

1047,  Monday,  12  4. 21

  

JesusChrist where did that come from

                                      a fuckin cravinghe rarely had cravings some people suspected something was wrong with him

Cat doesn’t eat ice cream, doesn’t eat pastries and cakes and cookies, occasionally likes candy, JuJubes, Jujyfruits, black licorice, and if chocolates, then only dark chocolate; I can’t say that I have ever seen him eat any though.

hed have to concede that sweetsnot since he was a kid ran up his alley 

he rather spend his money on other delicacies

books

film

art

his pleasures were esoteric most called banal banality is in the eye of the beholder

he also rather spend his money occasionally on women 

                                                          they were esoterica on the hoof

 

Salerno Butter cookies

he wanted to eat them off his fingers like rings as when he was a kidHOWEVER he knew companies – he didnt think Salerno was still the Salernos of his childhood and the recipe likely bastardised -- ingredients cheaped on to put more money in corporates pocket

cheat on ingredients

fuck the product

look at him talking himself out of his craving 

                                               deny  deny   deny thats what Catholicism did for him a Faith of Denial youd get yours after you were dead 

                                    great time to have cookies and milk

thats how the Faith provided purewhite robed Saint Peter and the Pearly Gates Peter doncome cheap the Pearly Gates are fuckin immaculate and white goldsolid gold stiles and rails had they not been fashioned as early as they were they would have been made of Black Hills gold 

                                            had that been the case he might have been coercedreconverted into a Catholick again Yes the k had to be there  it wasnt up for discussion 

the milk got warm

only cold milk with Salerno Butter cookies

his craving went from hot coals to coldgrey ash

 

thats how a once-upon-a-time Catholick did it 

                                                 dare he say free will

1931,  Twosday,  6  4. 21

1551,  Sunday,  11  4. 21

 

 

give him a break 

                 he was a boyhe was a little boy who didnt think one moment to the next because he knew in not a yearmaybe not six months he was going to have to think every fucking moment and then not that for that momentbut for every moment following 

                        he thought he was too young for that shit  but he was the eldest and that was the domain of the eldest 

he accepted ithe accepted it because there was an endgame  it wasnt for the rest his life though his family might have preferred it wanted him to

when he slipped their noose he said Adios  

                                             they were sorry he did he had been superlative middle management

hed been an excellent middle man

gone at 20

            two years later than he wanted 

when he left not only did he vacate but the next two eldest siblings also did his brother entered the military his sister got knockedup  their parents and her soon-to-be in-laws didnt have the sense to agree to an abortion they were non-practising Catholics yet they wouldnt allow commingling cells to be dispersed 

                                                                                  he called it a fetus  they called it baby 

he offended them because he couldbecause he would he spoke his peace Its a developing fetus not a baby an it aint much a stretch to say fetus and feces in the same breath 

                                                    Let it go

curious how life becomes suddenly sacred when its in your daughters womb when its your sons seed otherwise fuck it 

because you aint related

Comon threefour minutes of excitationarousal SEX creates shackles for a lifetime

                                                                                       he counseled  Let it go 

Let it go

but to them abortion was shameful

it was early

nobody knewbut they knew that theyfour adults  knew  knew their underaged children conceived was shameful

Get over it 

           Free yourselves free your children You know a child is yours until you die and youll be dead before your children freed of your obligation

they didnt listen

his sisters boyfriend confided in him and that was the only reason he was in itwhy he demanded a voice

having the baby was decided six-to-one  

four Noes two coerced minor Noes

he looked them all in the face 

                              Awright no matter I wont be here Im slipping this madness 

Adios 

he blew kisses to the receding abortion and its sidekick Sanity Abortion adios

2244,  Saturday,  10  4. 21

1136,  Sunday,  11  4. 21

Peter, Paul & Mary  If I Had a Hammer  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lGMOB2K78iM

En Vogue  Free Your Mind  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=calm3oK08QU

 

   death carves holes in our lives

                                                                in our futures 

                     we can never fill 

holes

 

                                 deep  black   holes

 

1927, Twoday,  6  4. 21

1018 or 2218,  Saturday,  10 4. 21

Sade  No Ordinary Love  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k1k6EUW0czc

 

he went to the cemetery

it was snowing

                   he thought hed remember where she was buried    three years ago

he was wrong

she was somewhere therehe asked in his head 

                                                    then he quitasked out loud 

then he hollered

the dead keep their secrets 

he thoughtwiping tears out of his eyes 

                                          When we plea with the dead we plea with our truest selves 

Theyre dead  they cant hear us 

They cant counsel us

 

Dead  theyre who we make them be

1922,  Twosday,  6  4. 21

1526 or 326,  Saturday,  10  4. 21

Erykah Badu  World Keeps Turnin’  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qhlYzu0GBTQ 

 

her birth day  Friday 

How are you going to celebrate?

Hmm  celebrate 

                    Curiously  my mind flipped your question  celibate Are you asking if Im celebrating my celibacy on my  birth   day

Ohno, not, no . . No, that wasn’t what I was asking, not my intent. 

                                                                        Although if I may, there’s a quiet angst to your voice . . a palpable derision, or anger . in your words.

Look how perceptive you are 

                               I wonder however if you hadnt seen memy faceexpressions  my posture  if you were blind to those aspects  if you would be as perceptive

I can’t say, that wasn't our circumstance; we only know what we know, we can’t effectively or accurately surmise what we don’t know, can we?

Can we 

         Can we   I hate questions like that  Rhetorical  Questions that flatly dismiss the possibility that we might know without an actual event unfolding or as evidence  It prefigures a shortcoming short circuits our innate abilities and demandsinculcates that we cannot know  we cannot Know without an event having precipitated 

                                                                                                      I believe with high accuracy  that even denied an event we can know  Perhaps not indubitably  but we can knowwe can disregard febrile authentic knowing  which we kneel beforedenigrate ourselves 

                                                                  We do not actually need them to know to know ourselves or our realities if you would

 

That’s a huge order, an enormous leap of faith.

No  No I have to disagree  It is solely our assessment an intimacy that we cannot possibly share with anyone else no matter how intimate our connection with them

Hypotheticals  thought experiments  we ask ourselves or should ask of ourselves she laughed brusquely We can ask ourselves because we are where the rubber meets the road the intersect  youll please excuse the word vector  we are vectors

If we are harsh with ourselves I am I donknow if you are or can be harsh with yourself  We can be telling 

                                                                                                                 Or we can ultimately be dismissive 

I choose not to be 

That’s one helluva thought experiment. I wouldn’t have conceived of or considered it if you hadn’t said.

Really

I ain’t blowing smoke up your ass. No. I wouldn’t have.

You have a way of thinking of things very differently.

Thank you

Thank you.  Thank you. 

                           Happy Birthday. 

2344,  Thursday,  8  4. 21

241 or 1441, Saturday,  10  4. 21   

Erykah Badu  Certainly  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SWf6M467OsQ 

 

he wondered if women had these kinds of friendship

because theyre women he supposed it was a stupid wonder  possibly a stupider or stupidest wonder 

         yet 

anyet 

                 women arent prone donusually fold into their relationships the ingredientthe wont of violence  base mad violence 

                                  Cats gotta have yer back 

Cant have yer back

Whagood is he

   

Hes my brother not by something as accidental as blood   Something much stronger

she asked innocently  innocently how could she ask by anything more  By what? 

By choice

1752,  Twosday,  6  4. 21

Elton John  Indian Sunset  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qmTx_K_m4fU

he and his buddy argued free will more often than he liked 

                                                            however his buddy was an acolyte obsessed with Sam free will does not exist Harris  He’s a neuroscientist.  Yahso when did he last practise  I don’t think that matters, he’s a doctor.  So out of hand Im to submit to his title  All I’m saying is that he’s smart.  Is he making his living as a neuroscientist  Im sick an tired of flashed credentialsflaunting Once-upon-a-time achievements tired of physicians  politicians now  who havent practised in better than ten years and then tout that theyre physicians regarding subjects entirely outside their realmtheir particular an narrow training  Tired of them flaunting themselves inferring we ought kowtow to their particular opinion or argument while they disregard how fortunate they aredisregard their entitlement to have been afforded the pursuit of their doctorate

However, achieving it, all I’m saying is he was smart enough to earn it.

Who was his adviser More than likely if his advisor had something to saybeing that they were likely a practising physicianpractising for a considerable length of time Id consider their remarks Which isnt to say Id particularly value what they imparted I believe putting on their pants they put them on one leg at a time as myself But if the muthafucker can levitate in midair put on their pants  I may value their input

preaching the Gospel of No Such Thing As Free Will Harriss 2009 doctoral thesis was The Moral Landscape: How Science Could Determine Human Values

it was shepherded by Dr. Mark S. Cohen who has been a practising neuroscientist since 1985

Mr Harris originally an English major at Stanford 1986 was induced by an experience with empathogen-entactogen MDMA colloquially known as Ecstasy which led him to believe that he might be able to achieve spiritual insights without the use of drugs 

hmm not a lot of people taking drugs looking for spiritual insights

Mr Harris then left Stanford and for eleven years studied meditation with Hindu and Buddhist teachers in Nepal and India nice gig if you can get it before returning to Stanford for a philosophy degree he began his first book ENGLISH The End of Faith after September 11

his buddy because Sammy touts nada free will and because Sammy is one of the Four Horsemen of the Non-Apocalypse Richard Dawkins Christopher Hawkins (deceased) Daniel Dennett Hawkins and Dennett were compatibilists regarding free will Hawkins the humourous piqued . . we must believe in free will we have no choice 

therein lies a coin toss between smart men

his buddy couldnt cite any smart women who touted nada free will

why should he take the word of four whitetwo particularly geriatric white men

                                                                                   Kinda misogynistic dude

Free will is an illusion.

It is not I have free will As a matter of fact denying your free will is an illusion is a matter of free will a matter of choice

It is not, our wills are not of our making. Our thoughts and intentions . . 

. . Here we go our DNA decides

Let me finish.

            Our thought and intentions emerge from background causes, DNA, or otherwise, which we are unaware of . .

. . Unwoke

Would you please let me finish, you’re always interrup . . 

. . So when you put a gun in your mouth to blow out yer brains I shouldnt interrupt

exasperated  I’m not going to do tha . . 

. . Yadon know that ya havent free will  Excuse me as yawere sayin 

I was saying there are background causes which we are unaware of, and over which we exert no conscious control.

No conscious control

No conscious control. We do not have the freedom we think we have. 

If I may  a brief experiment  Im going to take a sip of beer that I poured for mefor you  he took a sip of his beer  Ive exercised free will deciding whether or not to sip my beer

Yare telling me Im wrong

You haven’t free will.

Spoken like a true acolyte a true believer 

What initiatedanimated their headknocking hornlocking free will conversation was a tit or tat regarding coercion versus persuasion

his buddy thought persuasion sounded nicer

Yare being euphemistic softpedaling it Say what it is Say it tersely  It is coercion

I disagree.

Exhibiting free will

No. Semantics.

OhShit

earlier they vied back and forth sphincter his buddys word   anus his

Sphincter maybe slightly more nuanced then anus or ass when relating to someone . . . words matter!

Jesus  Nuanced  The word is anus

Words are like tools, you choose the appropriate one best suited to a job at hand.

Anhow pray tell is sphincter more appropriate a more appropriate tool than anus  There is but one anus the body has multiple sphincters There is only one Holy Anus

Ok, ok, you’re obviously taking a deeper dig into this subject, this disagreement. Let’s talk about something else.

Yare fuckin hilarious you ought to at least acknowledge the human body has multiple sphincters and one anus  particularly when anus was our point of contention It wasnt about semantics there was no need to extol euphemistically otherwise

Why areya so uncomfortable

DNA

 

after 1700,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  7  4. 21

1627,  Thursday,  8  4. 21

Ella Fitzgerald  Louie Armstrong  Let’s Call the Whole Thing Off  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2oEmPP5dTM 

 

jiggery-pokery  deceitful or dishonest behavior

                                                  leave it to Anton Scalia to explain wha it is 

leave it to a Republicant to have colourful language

he got jigaboo from his father

he was in a Chicago city bus with his Mom

he was littlewas standing on the seat  he couldnt take his eyes off the man sitting behind them 

                                                                                                      Look Mamma its a jigaboo

       she slapped him in the back of the headsounded like a gunshot to him though she didnt slap him hard enough to make him cry or knock him down a tempered slap  who wants their kid balling on a pubic bus

How dare you, how DARE you; you apologize to the gentleman immediately, immediately.

I apologise mister 

                   apologise was a different animal than sorry his mother taught him that people who say they are sorry arent if they were truly sorry theyd say I apologise

Dat’s awright, boy.

his mother turned on her hip and looked the gentleman in the face 

                                                                      I apologize too. The boy is repeating his grandfather, his father, and when my husband gets home tonight he’s going to wish he hadn’t. I am terribly sorry, and I am ashamed of my son’s mouth. I hope you can forgive him, and forgive me.

Forgive nuthin', ma’am, I be called worse.

And that should not be. We’re people, all of us are people . . she poked him in the ribs . you listening, child, this gentleman is every bit a man your father is, your grandfather is.

Do you have children, sir?

I do. Two children. A girl and a boy, we done. Children is an expensive habit. he smiled quickly

she laughedshe didnt cover her mouth Don’t we know it, don’t we know it.

he laughed with her

his laugh was deep and melodious

he had big white teeth

they were very bright against his black skin

he immediately liked the man

Well, you two have to forgive me, my stop. You listen to your Mamma, boy, she got a good head on her shoulders. Too bad more people don’t think like she an me.

he nodded to his Mom Have a fine day, ma’am. 

                                                   were they on the street he would have tipped his hat but his hat sat on his lap his Momma told him that gentlemen dont wear their hats inside a bus inside a building church or someones home 

       It reveals a poor nature, possibly ill-mannered, impolite, it’s a hint to their upbringing,their personality. You give those people a wide berth, give them plenty of room; because if they’re going down they’re going to take someone with them or will try to finger someone else for being at fault.

Mind my words, boy.

he minded her words 

when his father got home that eveningnot but a second after he came in through the back door she lit in on him 

In the future you'll keep your filthy words to yourself. He’s a boy, and he’ll not grow up thinking people’s color make a difference in the person they are. You hear me?!

I hear you.

You gonna mind me?! ‘Cause I’ll make your life a living Hell; got me?

I hear you. 

            he was sheepish maybe theyd had this conversation before 

Yup he thought his Papa would mind her words too

 

1551, Twosday,  6  4. 21

1339,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  7  4. 21

 

he didnt like fences not gatesnot physical barriers walls built to keep others outhe loved that argument he turned it around Ever occur to you that it keeps you in 

he didnt like collars cuffs neckties belts he didnt like a damn thing that looked it might constraint   seatbelts

Hell he didnt like jewelry not necklaces or watches or rings 

                                                               but he knew that as a kid

people family thought hed outgrow it 

                                        neverdid

he only wore his wedding ring after he came home and showered after working construction and on weekends or on vacations 

           although he did wear it for many years every day after his wife died he wasnt working construction then a busted shoulder forced him out he became an indoor breathing filtered heatbreathing airconditioning pencilpusher who played like he played when he was a carpenter 

                                                  which meant he didnt play nice with others

Tellya wha this team player conceptattitude lets just say I agree with it but whaya do is create projects for me to do by myself yaknow  Ill be a cog or a gear in a series of cogs and gears that make the thing run Take credit I donwanit  Just give me work an leave me alone 

                                        Yaknow  Teamwork

he brought his projects in ahead of time they were more than they asked but he replied Not necessarily Theyre thorough not more

over the years manager after manager after manager left or were released

teams came and went

he didnt go anywhere

every manager who followed the last interviewed him Whadid they call it  Ah they debriefed him 

Why do you think you are still here?

Areya familiar with Shakespeare

Shakespeare? What’s Shakespeare have to do with my question; why are you still here, still employed?

Julius Caesar

Julius Caesar?

Ya just gonna repeat everything I say

his manager may have frowned 

                                 he didnt care he didnt know him from Adam if the company didnt hire him hed never have known him nobody was doing him any favours

Let’s not get off on the wrong foot.

I agree  People ought to watch where they step 

he stepped hard to avoid any furthur interruptions 

Shakespeare Caesar said 

                            I am constant as the northern star, / Of whose true-fixed and resting quality / There is no fellow in the firmament. / The skies are painted with unnumbered sparks. / They are all fire and every one doth shine, / But there’s but one in all doth hold his place.

Yer lookin at him 

                  he thought his manager frowned again 

                                                            I think you ought to read my jacket we work together for a bitbecause I got a lot of work An then if something occurs to you regarding me we can talk about it

Youll excuse me Im sure you have plenty on your plate then standing up Thank you I appreciate your valuable time

his manager definitely frowned 

                                  wasnt it his job to conclude the conversation

once upon a time  maybe 

those who think of themselves as bosses can also be barriers 

the ones who were tougher to contend with were those who believe they were

wrongheaded it was those he had to deprogram which wasnt as hard as it sounds they believed in conversion converting sexual identities 

                              because they believed in flipping someone they could be flipped  

 

life would be so much easier without barriers 

1710,  Twosday,  6  4. 21

1219,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  7  4. 21

John Lennon  (Just Like) Starting Over  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jWG9KAgD6UA